


Better and Worse

by Zephoria



Series: Dodging the Heat [3]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2020-01-15 04:51:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 55,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18491728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zephoria/pseuds/Zephoria
Summary: After the pain and the losses of the previous year, Laura is trying to find a way to move on and do things better. She wants to be a better person, fix her mistakes and if that coincides with Sebastian's request for them to have a relationship it's purely coincidental.But being better isn't easy, not when there was Mark Webber offering her a distraction despite having a girlfriend, not when you are fighting for a world championship, not when you are trying to secure a seat for the following season - old habits die hard.





	1. In the cold

**Author's Note:**

> Right, *rubs hands*, let's kick off year 3. Now before we all go flailing, I don't know when I'll post chapter 2. I think I need to get a bit deeper in before I start on a schedule but... I miss you all! And well I feel bad hanging onto something that is ready to go so I thought I would share.
> 
> This is a big year, there's a lot to come and happen. So a few warnings (will need to add some tags) - people die (not Seb and Laura), there are references to violence, abuse and rape - I'm putting that here now so if that is something that you want to avoid you can do so before you start reading.
> 
> I hope you guys all enjoy!
> 
> Special shout out to @formulaoneisfast - Wishing you the happiest of birthdays! Love you lots *blows you kisses*

It’s cold. Laura breathes out just to watch the air turn white as she walks around the edge of the track in Barcelona. Why couldn’t they test somewhere warmer? She hated winter in Europe, no matter how many years she had suffered through them now, and the older she gets the more she misses Australia and the warmth from her youth in winter and the scolding heat from summers that turned you brown.

She finds the least wet patch of the track and sits on the edge, there’s silence as she yanks up her jacket collar trying to hide from the cold. The stillness, the quiet is sliced by the sound of a Formula one engine firing up in a garage. She can see the pits in the distance, can feel the vibrations in her chest, and her mouth flutters into a brief smile at the warmth it creates. And then a few minutes later the sight of a McLaren goes screaming passed her.

Her heart flutters with excitement, and she relaxes a little, happy to know that despite a hard winter that felt oddly empty, that her love for the sport remains - after all her losses. Closing her eyes, she’s eight, wedged between Lillian and Miles as they watched cars scream past, their father behind them pointing out certain things as they stood at the side of the track in Albert Park in Melbourne. 

“What are you doing?” 

She turns to see Miles walking with two coffees. “You are like my favourite person,” she smiles taking it as her brother sits next to her with his own, both of them pressing into each other for warmth. “I was thinking about when we used to go to races with dad,” she confesses. “I think it was 1997, Alesi ran out of fuel…”

Miles, being the Schumacher fanboy that he was, “Michael was second that year.”

Laura rolls her eyes. “Coulthard won.”

“Always know the winners Lau…”

“No one remembers who finishes second. Except you.” And yes, she was bitter and yes, she’s pretty sure she hasn’t recovered from her championship loss.

“Winning isn’t everything,” Miles reminds her, and as if the universe wants to remind her of that fact, Sebastian goes screaming passed and her heart clenches painfully. “Yeah, I know.” She curls her fingers around her coffee tightly, for warmth, for comfort of everything she had successfully lost last year. She hadn’t seen or spoken to him all winter since he had turned her down, and it still hurts, not that she blames him - in the end, doesn’t this rest on her shoulders? Because he was right, she was not a great person, she wasn’t nice, she wasn’t a team player and hell, Jenson would testify she was shitty at relationships and being anyone’s girlfriend. 

All she had learnt last year was that she could do better at a lot of things. Was there anything she had done right? She hangs her head as she tries to shove down the swell of emotion that causes. She hates that Sebastian was right, hates him so much, and she wants to hurt him as much as she was hurting at the harshness of realising she’s not quite good enough. 

“You okay?” Miles gently nudges her back to the present. “You’ve been very quiet. It’s not exactly you…” He glances at the pits. “And shouldn’t you be back there?”

“Set up change. Dan won’t run for another thirty minutes,” she answers. “And I’m fine. I will be when I get back in the car.”

Miles wraps his arm around her tightly. “It’s going to be a good year.”

“Maybe…” She’s not sure of that. She was out of contract this year, and Christian wasn’t rushing to discuss contract talks. Not that she blames him, and all she can do is prove she’s good enough, worth keeping on. After all, there was one thing she was certain of - she wasn’t ready to walk away, no matter how much losing hurts.

 

When she returns to the garage, she makes a pitstop, stopping to grab another coffee, though this time she brings it Rocky. She gives him a smile at his surprised look as he raises his eyebrows, gaze off his clipboard. “What is this princess?” he asks taking it.

She shrugs. Her trying to be nicer? 

“Thanks.” He shoves the clipboard at her, “But not swaying me back as your engineer.”

She gives him a mock pout that has him flick her lip lightly. She’s aware of that and proud for him, he had earned his promotion. She wanted to try and start the year off on the right foot, try and work on being ‘nicer’ whatever the hell that means. Miles had been lecturing her over the break on how she needed to be a better team player if she wants her contract renewed this year. She wonders if coffee was enough?

“Read it,” Rocky tells her, “Dan’s program for the morning. You’re in this afternoon.”

She wrinkles her nose but moves to sit on a bench and flip through everything. Testing was honestly the least amount of fun, because it’s controlled, prepped and planned and there was literally next to no laps where she can go hard and fast. And she’d like to - just to ensure the engines are working and not going to blow up. Yes, she was still salty, and yes it still hurts.

Daniel appears, dressed and ready to drive and she watches as he gets himself set up, nodding at her across from the garage, apparently still revelling in the fact that he didn’t draw the short straw so he can hit the track first, with the grin he was wearing. Yep, she wasn’t bringing him a coffee.

When her phone rings, she nearly doesn’t answer when she sees Lillian’s name. “Hi,” she forces herself to sound bright.

“Laura,” Lillian huffs at her, “I don’t have your RSVP.”

Laura rolls her eyes. “I think you know I’m going to the wedding, Lillian.” Her sister was taking her duties as Molly’s wedding coordinator a little too seriously. Apparently, she was using this as an opportunity to  _ do something _ since she hadn’t returned to work. And Lillian was quite quick to dismiss that question, so Laura assumes that means it’s not happening - at least with Ferrari,

“Are you bringing a date?” Lillian questions, and Laura immediately bristles at the question.

“Is Sebastian bringing a date?”

Lillian sighs. “Does it matter?:

“Of course it fucking matters,” Laura snaps back at her. If Sebastian had already skipped off and moved on she was going to bloody catch up; even if she was still very much happy to stay where she was and feel sorry for herself.

There’s a moment of silence before Lillian huffs, “Fine. He’s got a plus one. So yes, he is bringing someone if you insist on making your breakup some competition.”

Laura feels her chest squeeze so tightly that for one moment she can’t breathe.  _ He had a date? _ She opens her mouth but the tightness now constricts her throat and she can’t talk and then to her horror she feels fucking tears. Like she hasn’t cried enough over the winter.

“I’m bringing a date.” The words are forced out and then in fear she’ll break because she had seemed to have lost her ability in the last six weeks to keep herself together she adds, “I have to go.” 

“Lau -”

She ends the call and sucks in air to calm herself down. How long was this going to hurt for? How long till she fell out of love with him? Soon? Was she halfway? Maybe she was further than that? And then as a reminder that she hadn’t gotten anywhere close to that, the session is stopped and reports of Sebastian spinning out and hitting the wall filter through the team. She jumps down off the bench to get more information, only for Rocky to come over and wrap his arm around her shoulders and murmur ‘He’s fine princess.”

She nods and he looks like he wants to say something else but she shrugs him off her and walks back into the garage. He was fine, she can go back to resolutely blanking him from her mind.

  
  


Sebastian yanks off his balaclava and helmet, annoyed and at no one else but himself. He’d dipped a tyre into the gravel, lost control and hit the wall. The suspension damage will be lucky to see him back in the car today. Walking from the pits, accepting the back slaps and ‘better luck tomorrow’ he makes his way to the motorhome, He slows his pace, eyes doing the usual scan of the paddock that he was unable to resist.

No Laura. Well, he knows she’s here but he hasn’t  _ seen  _ her. He hasn’t seen her since New Year’s. He hasn’t spoken to her in six weeks, not that he had tried, he was giving her space. So all that there currently existed between them was a giant span of silence. 

And what he was meant to say to her? He hadn’t changed his mind, he still didn’t think they were in any place to try again at least not without a risk of it all fucking up, permanently. He can’t take that risk when the only thing he wants is  _ her _ . He can’t lose her but then again maybe he already did. He’s not even sure she’d forgive him for what he did and said - and where does he even start, she told him she loved him.  _ She loved him _ . And he let her go. How can making the right decision and choice hurt so much? At this point, he thinks he made the wrong choice, because what if they couldn’t do it better? Or worse, even try again?

He goes to sit down and join Antti and Molly for lunch. Antti jumping up to get him his meal. He only drops his head to the table when he falls into a seat next to Molly, and he gives her a quick smile when she hugs him across his back.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” he mutters rubbing his face. Can’t undo it now.

“Your mum keeps calling,” Molly tells him waving her fork at him. “You were going to call her last night.” He winces and says nothing. “You said your date didn’t go badly.”

Antti drops his plate in front of him and hands him some cutlery. “Yeah, I like Heidi.”

Sebastian says nothing and stabs at his salad silently. He doesn’t want to discuss Heidi. Not with his mother who set up his blind date a week ago, not with Antti who apparently thinks she is good looking enough to sleep with, not with Molly who had done nothing but hassle him for six weeks to call Laura. Suddenly having people in his life that cared was annoying. Maybe Laura had this right all along...

“Did it go badly?” Molly presses worriedly.

“Did it go  _ well _ ?” Antti suggests with a grin.

Sebastian just shoves chicken into his mouth in response to both questions. It went fine. Heidi is fine. She’s nice, she was sweet, she was pretty with dimples when she smiled, she hated motorsports, which he thinks he might prefer. She knows what he does, who he is, but she’s so far removed it doesn’t mean much to her. And like him, she had only agreed because their mothers were in the same social group, and apparently they both had bad breakups they needed to move on from. Or in his case,  _ try _ .

“Do you need me to do anything else for the wedding?” he was changing the subject, to his second most hated subject - Molly’s wedding. He loved Molly he was pleased she was happy, that she seemed excited to be getting married but since she had told him on the first of January, there had been nothing but wedding talk. Especially since both she and Miles had decided they wanted to do it prior to the season kicking off in Melbourne. But he was in no mood for a ceremony that celebrated fucking love.

“I’m sure Lillian has everything covered,” Antti grins.

Lillian who seems to have decided it was her wedding, Lillian who had dragged Kimi to do all her errands where possible and had him stamping invitations in his free time. That makes him grin because this was the first year that Kimi was actually excited to do testing. He’s pretty sure that Kimi and Lillian were an item at this point, and it must be love if Kimi is helping her do wedding chores - but no matter how many times he had asked, Kimi had shrugged away the question or given him a roundabout answer on their relationship status.

“I think she’s sorting out a guest list today. I don’t know,” Molly shrugs. “I’m not even thinking about it at this point. Lillian and my mum are fighting constantly. Miles and I might just elope or something.” She doesn’t look quite as excited as last week. “Weddings are horrible.”

“Try unplanning one,” Sebastian jokes. Molly squeezes his arm like he needed comforting on that fact, he didn’t. Alena leaving no longer hurt. He’d gone and successfully found something that burned a thousand times worse - Laura Aston.

* * *

 

Testing was done. Finished. It went well. The car looked good, strong - no engines blew up. Were they at the top? Laura’s not sure, it looked as if things were close with Ferrari and Mercedes this year. Laura though wasn’t going to get so caught up in anything just yet, she’ll wait for Australia in a few weeks and see how everything unfolds. In the meantime, there was still one thing left to do before she left Spain…

She’s not exactly sure what happened over the winter. It had started with a text wishing her a happy new. She had returned the sentiment. And then there was another text. And another until it was easier to call. And now here she finds herself, meeting him face to face and she feels strangely nervous.

“I’m surprised Fernando isn’t here accompanying you,” Laura greets Mark with only a half mustered smile, trying for a joke to cover her apprehension. He was waiting for her at a quiet restaurant. “Aren’t you two like inseparable?” And unlike her jokes about Seb and Kimi that was said in a light teasing way, this is said with cold eyes and flatness as she drops into a seat opposite the former Australian driver.

“Well I am aware how you two are such great mates, but he had other plans,” Mark returns giving her the once over. “Did you lose weight?” It wasn’t said as a compliment and there’s a hint of concern in his gaze.

Yes, not that it had been intentional, Phil had already done a lecture on this, she doesn’t need another. “Testing went well,” she says instead. “Car looks promising.” She aims for enthused, she fails. 

“Hey,” Mark says leaning on the table, eyes serious. “Laura, you need to let go of last year, find a way to move on -”

Like she hadn’t been doing? Dwelling on her championship loss wasn’t exactly a place she wants to remain. But at this point maybe this was where she lives now? In misery. “Tips Mark? I mean you’re an expert. Losing it at the last race. To Sebastian.” It was low, deliberately meant to cut but Mark doesn’t even flinch at her bite.

“Laura,” he tries again, eyes all warm with understanding and sympathy… she always liked his eyes. “It does get better. But if you don’t let go of last year, then this year is wasted. Don’t waste this year.”

“Why? 2011 wasn’t your career highlight?” Right, she had a problem, her snappy remarks are on autoplay and she’s unable to do anything to hold them at bay. “Sorry,” she mutters, fingers reaching for the stem of her wine glass; only it was sadly empty. 

Mark must notice because he waves a moment later her glass is being filled. “How did you deal with shit races in the past?” 

She pauses at the question before she hurriedly swallows a mouthful but none of it stops what feels like a kaleidoscope of memories of Seb and her fucking last year. Maybe he’d think the flush on her cheek was her one sip of wine going to her head.

“Not sharing?” he teases, and he looks interested in her lack of a response. “You have me very curious now Laura. Should I guess?” He sits back and strokes the tablecloth but instead of diving into a guess, he continues with - “Do you know Gina? Gina is good friends with my wife.”

“Wife? Please, you’re not married.” She is then hurriedly swallowing more of her wine because he was smirking at her. 

“Well yes, she does remind me of that fact,” he grins at her. “But  _ Gina  _ apparently made some interesting comments after the US Grand Prix.”

She slams her glass on the table. That’s it, she was having Gina fired. ”I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she replies going with flat out denial. Mark was falling down her list of favourite people at having to recall the moment when Sebastian had come to see her, offer his support or whatever he thought would fix her world at the time - she had smashed him in rejection; she’d feel sorry if he hadn’t already returned the sentiment at New Years.

“I knew Sebastian had a thing for you,” he was smirking. “Why can’t I win prizes for this?”

“For what? Some dumb suspicion you went and confirmed through a third party who only heard half a conversation?” No, he doesn’t get a prize. Lillian worked with a lot less than that. Annoyingly. “Can we talk about something else? Let’s go back to my crushing defeat last year? That was way more fun.” Maybe they should pre-order another bottle of wine. She doesn’t think one is going to be enough.

“He’s in love with you,” Mark tells her bluntly.

“Really?” She finishes her glass off, keeping her grip tight. “He has a funny way of showing that. And I’ve decided love is completely overrated. Just going to stick to having emotionless sex with people. Interested?”

Mark leans across the table, smile gone as he answers. “Yes. Very. But I don’t think you do emotionless as well as you think you do.”

She had been doing emotionless with Sebastian just fine till he went and broke their deal, broke her. “Well, practice makes perfect. You want to be my date for my brother’s wedding?” Sebastian would totally hate it if she shows up with Mark.

“Not sure that would be a wife approved outing,” he responds.

“Again, not your wife,” she reminds him.

“Better idea,” Mark leans on the table. “You come to Australia a week early, clear your head.”

“Never happening,” she tells him flatly.

“Spend it with me and the Mrs, distract yourself. You need to a distraction Laura,” he tells her seriously.

“I suggested sex.”

“I think mine might be more helpful,” he responds, eyes locked with hers. “And less likely to cost me a relationship.”

“I’ll let you know,” she mutters having absolutely no intention of doing that at all. Spending time with him, maybe… but she wasn’t going to Australia early. She’s in no state to let her head deal with messes from the past. “So... wedding date, no sex…? Please don’t make me ask Daniel.” Mark grins, shaking his head at her, apparently unphased at the glare she gives him for turning her down. 

 

Her evening isn’t unpleasant with Mark, she hadn’t been expecting it to be - they had always gotten on relatively well in the few times they had been together. And he had lifted her spirits, even if it was only for a few hours, and it was nice to have a reprieve from what sometimes felt like an ocean of pain. To have an escape, even for a moment… she wishes the season would start so she could lose herself there.

Returning to the hotel, Laura’s step falters in the lobby.  _ Sebastian _ . And despite knowing at some point she would need to face Sebastian, and not just from the side of the track or on the race track… she’s not as prepared as she should be. Because  _ this _ , meeting his eyes, being in the same room as him - it all hits her harder than she expected. 

All the tears she’d shed, all the pain she had felt to date since New Years, all her moving on… it feels like she’s in the cold, back in front of him telling him she loved him, and his rejection… her lips part as she lets out a gasp at the immediate tearing in her chest… it’s like it’s happening all over again.

He’s off to the side, standing with two men she can only presume are Ferrari personnel. Sebastian lifted his head, eyes meeting hers, looking as startled as she felt, and uncomfortable as he straightens up, posture stiff, before he’s then averting his gaze, busily checking his phone.

No smiles, forced or hopeful, no words, there was nothing. She’s not sure what she expected, but the complete absence of anything besides dismissal…? Inside her room, she falls against her hotel room door, as she chokes on a sob. It’s quickly followed by another before she slides to the floor, hands covering her face because she’s not ready to do this, no matter how much she convinced herself she was.

She’s not ready to let him go, she’s not ready to move on, she’s not ready to do the whole season again. Everything still hurts, she still hurts. Her head hits the door as she sits there and cries - there’s no anger or fury, there’s only pain and the lack of the one emotion she had welded as a defence only leaves her sure of one thing - Sebastian Vettel broke her and she’s terrified she’ll never put herself back together.

* * *


	2. Spare Parts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for leaving comments.  
> I'm going to try and go back to weekly Sunday updates :)

Sebastian had been raiding Molly’s fruit bowl, feeling like he hadn’t eaten for days - post training hunger was real - when a piece of paper is slapped in front of him. He bites into his apple turning to see Lillian with her arms full and he sighs as she then moves to thrust paper at Molly.

“Guest list,” she beams at Molly. “I confirmed numbers with caterers and the venue. We are all good.”

Sebastian waves the folded paper around as he asks with his mouthful, “Molly said she didn’t need me for anything.” He was not running Lillian’s errands for her; Kimi could do that. He can’t wait for this whole wedding to be done. Taking another bite he opens the paper up and he nearly chokes at the one thing listed.

She gives him a sarcastic smile. “Yeah, well as much as I don’t want you ten feet near my sister, you need to sort shit out _before_ next weekend. Because I don’t care what arrangement you two come up with, but you’re both in the bridal party and _my_ wedding will not be ruined because of the shit you both created.”

Sebastian’s stomach only drops and he’s pretty sure that was panic he feels strangling his insides as he looks up at Molly alarmed. Molly though says nothing and instead only gives him a sympathetic look before Lillian is flouncing out of the room without looking back, apparently off to look for Miles while returning to her usual stance of blanking him.

Staring back down at his ‘to-do’ list has him falling into the bar stool next to him. “Mol, I can’t,” he whispers - just staring at the words ‘talk to Laura’ has him unable to breathe. “I don’t know what to say… I don’t know -” he stops, face falling. He knows _nothing_.

“Seb,” Molly moves behind him, hands sliding over his shoulders to squeeze them, “I have been telling you for weeks to talk to her. At some point -”

“ _I can’t_ ,” he chokes. She didn’t get it, no one understood, he has no idea what to say to her, how to even look at her. She told him she loved him and he said no. The more he thinks about it, the more he dwells on that, the more sure he is a complete idiot and fucked up royally. Does he apologise? That’s hardly going to fix anything. And when she asks what he wants… what does he say? He literally has no idea. The only thing he knows is they can’t do another year in limbo, and he can’t let her bring him to a point where he loses his shit like in Brazil.

How was he meant to look at her when he knows he did nothing but hurt her? And he knows he hurt her, he had seen it, felt it - hurting her hurts him. Space was better, space meant he doesn’t hurt her, space let her breathe, space was all he could offer her. He couldn’t give her anything else. He’s not sure she would accept anything else anyway.

Molly leans over him, hugging him from behind. “Sebby, what are you doing with Heidi? Don’t bring her to the wedding.”

That comment has Sebastian hide under his arms because he just wants them all to stop. When he doesn’t answer she pulls back after giving him a tight squeeze. “Talk to Laura. Lillian is right. You need to sort this out, because _you_ can’t deal with where things have been left.”

“I can,” he mumbles into the counter below him. He just needs to work out how to do that, currently, Heidi was going to provide him with a distraction. If he focuses on her then he doesn’t have to deal with all the Laura shit.

“Talk to Laura,” Molly says adamantly. “Or you are both uninvited.”

Fuck. He doubts Molly would do that, Lillian sure, but not Molly. Still, he sulks because he knows she’s right, he just isn’t sure how to even start. And as if knowing what he was thinking, Molly slams a phone in front of him.

“Call her.”

* * *

“What ya doing?” Lillian asks her brother when she finds him in Ella’s room, sitting on a chair trying to balance a baby bottle on his forehead. Her niece looked to be dozing in her crib peacefully - she has to resist smooshing kisses on her.

Miles snaps his head forward, catching the bottle. “Avoiding you so I don’t do have to listen anymore about this wedding.”

Lillian purses her lips. “It’s not that bad.” She cocks her head taking in Miles’ tired expression and wavering smile. “Having second thoughts?” She says it as a joke but she’s half serious.

“No.” The response is unconvincing and her brother looks at Ella sleeping. “I just want to make the right choices.”

“Yeah… I know what you mean,” she sighs biting her lip as her mind wanders to Kimi and her own dilemmas. “But still, you need to make choices right for you. No matter how hard they may seem.” When Miles says nothing, eyes firmly locked on his daughter she asks, “Do you love her?”

The question has Miles turn to her. “Yes.” No hesitation, answer firm but there’s doubt lurking in his eyes. Lillian walks over to give him a tight squeeze. After a moment, he drags himself to his feet muttering they should let Ella sleep in peace before adding ruefully, “And maybe not burden her with life problems.”

It’s only when she’s sprawled on Miles and Molly’s bed as Miles tackles his wedding to do list, packing for the wedding and honeymoon, that Lillian finds the courage to bring up her own burdens. “So, I saw my doctors…” That sentence has her brother still, eyes shifting to hers so quickly with panic she hastily adds, “Not about cancer. My kidneys aren’t getting any better and well they want to look at doing a kidney transplant...”  It’s not new news, but to date, it had only been spoken about as a possibility, it was now about to become a reality. “They’re putting me on a donor waiting list.”

“They’re long lists,” Miles voices carefully.

“Yeah, well I have time. I mean they’re saying things can continue like this for another five to ten years, maybe more. But still…” She shrugs and swallows nervously not even sure how to ask. Miles drops the shirts in his hand into his suitcase before moving to sit next to her.

“Lil, you know that both myself and Laura would give you a kidney in a heartbeat. You don’t have to ask,” he murmurs leaning down to hug her.

She clutches at his hand tightly. “I know, I just don’t want to have to ask at all.”

“Hey, you nearly died last year, trust me, giving you a kidney to keep you around is nothing,” he promises kissing her cheek. “Let me know what you need me to do.”

She nods before hesitantly adding, “Can we not tell Laura?” The look Miles gives her has her sit up to hastily and add, “I mean, I want to tell her, I just would rather not have her know she’s compatible if you could be.” She looks at him pleadingly in the hopes he would understand.

“Lil, no. I get you want to protect her career, but we did this exact same game last year. And we’re not doing it again.” Miles is adamant but yet it’s _not_ the same.

“There’s nothing wrong with a delay between the both of you being tested -”

“No.” Miles spins away from her, stalking to his dresser.

Moving to sit crossed legged she tries another approach. “What if I asked her this week when she comes around for dinner, and I schedule you to get your blood tests before the wedding and I just happen to schedule Laura’s after the wedding?” Miles sighs loudly and the fact he isn’t disagreeing has her perk up. “I don't think she’s in a great place and I don’t want to give her an excuse to bail on this season when I’m sure she would for what she considers the right reason. I don’t want to give her an excuse on a silver platter.”

At this point, Lillian was banking on Laura returning to F1 as the best thing for her right now - it would help, make things better.

“You are walking a fine line Lillian,” he tells her while pointing a finger.

She grins because she knows she won. “Yes, but I’m not crossing it. I’ll sort out your appointments and chat to Laura when we have dinner. See, no secrets.” She beams at him proudly, he looks back unimpressed. “Right, I’m done here then. I’m going to head to Kimi’s.”

“Can we call him your boyfriend yet?”

“Nope,” Lillian smiles brightly before adding, “Thanks for the kidney offer.”

Miles blows her a kiss, “Anytime you need an organ Lil.”

  


She’d been going to call Kimi and see where he was at considering she had expected him back from testing already and she was bored. She can’t find anything to watch and the only left to do for the wedding would be to drive to the venue and start cleaning it. She stops though when she hears his front door, breaking into a grin as she gets to her feet. He’s throwing off his shoes, jacket, bags, dumping them wherever as she watches on. She bites her lip because his hair was a little longer than usual, it was almost floppy; it did weird things to her insides.

“Hi,” Kimi glances up, finally taking note of her and she’s greeted with a grin. Then, not giving him a chance to say anything else, she bounds over and hugs him tightly before kissing him hard. He wraps his arms around her, picking her up as he walks.

“I missed you,” she murmurs breaking their kiss. She did, more than expected. Since Christmas, they had been pretty much together constantly, give or take a few days here and there. At this point, maybe she’d become a resident of Switzerland.

“You have a lot of energy,” he comments before he gently drops her on the kitchen counter letting her go to instead fix his attention on the fridge and apparently intent on satisfying other needs rather than her.

“Yep.” She hides her disappointment behind a smile, heels drumming the cabinets beneath. “Dialysis yesterday.”

“Pitstop,” he assures her reading her mind and grabbing a bottle of water. “What did the doctors say?”

She makes a face. “Can we not talk about that?” That was always the topic of conversations - her health. She missed her old life of rubbing shoulders with the rich and powerful, wearing expensive clothes and jewellery… having any guy she wants… Oh yeah, and working. She missed working so bad. If it wasn’t for Molly’s wedding she’d go crazy.

Kimi drops the bottle on the bench and moves back to her and he sighs before relenting. “You just want me to take you to bed and fuck you then?”

That has her brighten. “Definitely.” He grabs her again, and she slides her arms around his neck as she kisses him heatedly because god she missed him. Maybe she didn’t need to run around and chase men anymore, only for that thought to leave when he pulls back and makes a face.

“Fuck, how much weight did you put on?”

“None,” she lies and he rolls his eyes.

“My back says you did,” he mutters almost relieved to throw her onto the bed when they reach the bedroom. “We’re going to stop all the carrying.”

“But I like the carrying,” she pouts. There was no escaping how much of her weight she had regained over the winter - she still had a bit to go, but her body was returning to how it was, but the best thing was her hair was growing back.

Kimi moves over her. “I think it will be much easier if you just wait here for me naked next time,” he mutters.

“Sounds like a plan,” she says leaning up to capture his lips.

* * *

“Oh my god Molly!” Laura tries not to squeal when she sees Ella having arrived at Kimi’s for what she feels might becoming some sort of new tradition for family dinners. She dumps the bottle of wine in Lillian’s arms, kissing her cheek before rushing to scoop up her seven-month-old niece who was waving her arms around excited at her presence.

“Look at her hair!” Laura holds out Ella in front of her, eyes fixed on the very tiny little lock of hair that Molly had pulled together on the top of her head with a pink ribbon - it made the sweetest little ponytail. “You are literally the cutest thing ever I could die.” Ella gives her a wide grin, flashing her two tiny teeth as she does.

“I’m having a billion kids if they all look this cute,” Laura declares hugging Ella tightly and bouncing her around on her hip and then showering her face in kisses because she could just eat her up.

Lillian snorts. “I didn’t think you wanted kids.”

“I’m sure you’ll make an awesome mum Lau,” Molly assures her offering Ella a cracker.

Smiling at her niece, Laura responds to both with a shrugged, “Maybe…” Not that it was possible right now with her career, not that there was anyone that she able to make that a possibility with, but still...  

And Lillian was right, she had never really considered motherhood seriously before - maybe this was a sign she was getting older? She played with Ella’s little pony - twenty-six and her biological clock was ticking. She pushes another kiss to Ella’s cheek. “Where are the boys?”

“Garage,” Lillian waves behind her. She slides her a glass of wine she had poured for the three of them while she had been flailing over Ella. “Here, drink up.”

“I thought you couldn’t have alcohol?” Molly frowns as Lillian sips from her a glass.

Laura reaches to snatch the glass from her but Lillian dodges her easily. “Please, Kimi restricts everything. For Mr-I-Like-To-Live-By-No-Rules, he makes me follow all the rules,” she pouts. “It’s one glass, not even full.”

“That’s because he loves you,” Molly responds bluntly.

“Yes, lucky that, because apparently, we couldn’t trust you to be on your own,” Laura adds not looking at all happy that Lillian wasn’t taking her health seriously. Both her and Molly receive a big eye roll as Lillian then defiantly drinks from the glass. “So things good with _boyfriend_ Kimi then?” She was using the ‘b’ word because she doesn’t care that Lillian had banned her from using it, that is what effectively Kimi was - Lillian can avoid labels all she likes doesn’t change the truth.

The death glare she gets doesn’t even bother her as she smiles back sweetly while Lillian says, “Kimi and I are fine.” And then apparently determined to change the subject Lillian asks about testing, and at least that was safer ground for everyone and it wasn’t talking about the damn wedding.

Dinner is nice she supposes, Kimi was oddly chatty, confirming the fact that he and Lillian are in a good place. Miles changes the subject every time the wedding is brought up which she’s thankful for but maybe should be worried that he seems just as unenthused about it all as she is. And she does her best to be herself, because she still feels like they’ll watching her, waiting to see her break.

She knows they all know about her and Sebastian and her failed attempt at her apology and fixing them, some with more detail than others. She has no idea how long they were all going to treat her like china and tiptoe around her. She wasn’t going to mope about this forever, she was going to get past this; she’d conquered fucking worse. Maybe if everyone stopped pretending they didn’t know as much as they did -

“Have you spoken to Sebastian? Did he call you?” Laura nearly drops her fork at the blunt question from Lillian, dragging her from her own thoughts and ceasing her dazed stare into the distance.

“No. Why would I speak to him?” She stabs at her dinner with renewed vigor, plus there was the fact that she had barely touched it. What the hell had happened to her appetite? Weren’t you meant to eat more when you get your heart broken?

Molly sighs and ignoring Lillian’s warning look to tell her, “Lillian thinks it would be best for you and Seb to talk before the wedding.” Lillian is more than annoyed. “It’s not a secret Lil and I think you’re right. They should talk.” She looks at Laura, “You two need to talk.”

“We did the talking,” she snaps at Molly before she glares at Lillian, “We don’t need to talk.”

Lillian rolls her eyes as Laura throws her fork on the plate done with dinner.

“Please, the way you and Seb behave, you’re either going to snap by having sex, or the wedding photographer is going to provide photographic evidence of you two flying off the handle at each other.”

“We’re not children!” Laura was pretty sure her and Seb could stand one evening being civil together, or at least ignore each other. Kimi snorts so hard as he drinks he chokes. “Shut up!” she shouts at him.

“Lau,” Miles says taking a cautious approach, “No one things you two can’t do one day together -”

“ _I_ don’t think they can,” Lillian cuts him off. “Not with Sebastian having a fucking new girlfriend.”

 _Wait, what?_ “He has a girlfriend?” Laura asks quietly.

“Lillian!” Molly snaps. “He’s not her girlfriend,” Molly assures her, but it does nothing to calm the new storm of hurt. “She’s not his girlfriend till I meet her anyway. It was one dumb date. He’s mother set him up. Ignore it.”

“We’re not ignoring it,” Lillian argues. “We’ll get you a better boyfriend,” Lillian tells her. “And a hot date for the wedding.”

“I don’t think this is the way to be approaching this,” Miles warns.

“Did you ask Mark to be your date when you had dinner with him? I mean, before you, he was Sebastian’s arch nemesis. Show up with him and Seb would hate that so much,” Lillian says gleefully.

“Why do we have to hurt Sebastian?” Molly snaps. “It’s not like he’s happy about any of this and he’s not the bad guy here!”

“That’s fucking debatable,” Lillian argues.

“Why are you having dinner with Mark Webber?” Miles asks Laura pointedly, while she was pouring herself a large glass of wine. “You know he has a girlfriend right?”

“Please,” Lillian shrugs, “Like that’s a problem.”

“Well we don’t need you rubbing off your on Laura in that regard,” Miles snaps.

“And I thought a dinner party would be boring,” Kimi slumps back in his chair, eyes lit up at everyone fighting in front of him. “We should do this more.”

“Shut up!” Is shouted at him from every Aston or Aston to be, but Kimi only grins wider.

There’s a moment of silence and Laura drags in a deep breath. “Right, I think everyone here needs to find something more interesting to discuss and be invested in,” she fixes her gaze on Kimi as she says that. “And Mark asked me to dinner as a friend and he was kind of enough to share some tips and thoughts on moving on from a championship loss,” she snaps at her brother before she glares at her sister. “Mark said no when I asked him to be my date. And yes,” she continues angrily looking at Molly now, “I hate Sebastian and he can fuck right off with his stupid ass girlfriend!”

“Where are you going?” Lillian asks when Laura gets to her feet. “I can get you a hot date Lau!”

“I can get my own wedding date!” Laura shouts at her not prepared to be some pity case or a means for her sister to take out her own ill feelings on Sebastian before she spins on her heel and storms off.

 

She was outside, slumped against the wall, staring at Kimi’s pool and avoiding returning to a dinner she wasn’t interested in. She had considered calling Jenson, she knows she could twist Jenson into coming with her, but… it hardly seems fair to pull him in the middle of her mess with Sebastian. So she’ll go with plan b - “What ya doing?” Laura asks quietly when Daniel answers the phone.

“Not expecting calls from my bestie,” Daniel replies. “What’s up teammate of mine?”

Laura swallows wishing all her anger from moments earlier when she’d stormed outside still lingered, this would make things a lot easier. “What are you doing next weekend?”

“I was heading back to Australia -”

Laura cuts him off, “Come to a wedding with me?” She tries hard to make it sound like she wasn’t begging.

“What wedding? How many bridesmaid will there be?” Daniel immediately hunts for facts.

That comment sees the corners of Laura’s mouth flicker with a smile. “My brother’s. And you’re out of luck with bridesmaids. It’s me and Lillian.”

“I never minded your sister…” Daniel tells her conversationally.

“I’ll let her know and try not be hurt you don’t want into my pants,” Laura mutters before adding, “So you’ll come with me?”

“Lau, I’ll happily get into your pants!” It was as if Daniel was trying to assure her she wasn’t the reject. “Look, I’ll go to the wedding and I’ll take you to bed, cheer you up and then we can go to Melbourne and get a one two for the team, with me winning -”

“I have some objections to this plan,” Laura interrupts with a huff.

Daniel laughs. “I’ll go to the wedding with you. I’ll be your arm candy.”

Laura grins. “Thank you.”

“You’ll owe me,” Daniel warns and Laura rolls her eyes before they say goodbye.

With the call done, she stares at the pool, trying to match her breathing with the water as it lapped gently against the edge. It’s blue and clear… once it was pink. She blinks banishing Sebastian related thoughts from her head.

“Hey.”

She turns to see Lillian stepping outside, closing the door behind her. “You okay?”

Laura holds up her phone. “Got a date. Daniel wants to sleep with you.”

Lillian grins, “Of course he does. It’s me.” The smile though fades away, looking at her seriously as she adds, “It won’t hurt forever.”

She can only nod, she knows that, she got passed Ben… Jenson, she’ll get over Sebastian as well. Lillian strokes her arm before she tangles her fingers with hers, and she squeezes them before forcing a smile. They all wanted her to smile, be happy, eventually, she’ll mean it.

Lillian clears her throat, still holding her fingers. “So, Miles won’t let me not talk to you…” She drags in a deep breath, Lillian’s smile not looking so sure now and Laura stills, paralysed by the realisation there are bigger problems than her broken heart - Lillian’s health.

“Lil?”

“Not cancer,” she rushes. “I just need a couple of kidneys. Got one to spare?”

* * *


	3. First Encounters

Sebastian leans on the side of his Ferrari as he waits for Heidi. He ignores his phone that was beeping madly with messages - it would only be Lillian yelling at him for not talking to Laura, or his mother who was excited he and Heidi were going away for two nights together. He definitely didn’t want to deal with either. He actually didn’t want to deal with a lot of things right now and his chest tightens at the thought of the weekend ahead.

He straightens up, forcing a smile as Heidi appears with a bag. She looked bright and happy, everything he wasn’t, everything that everyone around him wasn’t. Weddings apparently send everyone into a spiral of madness and stress. Right now, Heidi was so far removed from it all, it was a relief, and she was literally a breath of fresh air - the tightness in his chest starts to unwind.

“Wow,” she says stopping in front of his car as she surrenders her bag to him he’d gone to grab from her while he presses his lips to her cheek. “This is uh… a little more upmarket than what you drove for our first date.”

Sebastian had returned to his car to tuck away her bag, before he grins over his shoulder at her. “Date? I thought we agreed we were two people pleasing our overbearing mothers?” 

Her face splits into a smile, dimples on show before she giggles. He falters as he opens the door her, caught a little off guard at how much he liked it. “Right, sorry, our ‘not date’.” 

When he learned she had no interest anymore than he for a relationship, had been sheer relief. It had turned night he was dreading into an evening he had enjoyed without the stress and complications that come with a blind date. 

Heidi nods at car, cocking her head. “Still, this feels…” She shrugs failing to find a word and he feels actual hurt at her apparent lack of immediate love at one of his favourite things. 

Sebastian isn’t sure if she’s unimpressed or uncomfortable and either way neither sat well with him. “But this is my baby…” He tries to explain, forehead wrinkled in confusion, because how could she not love his car? If she was Laura… he freezes damning the thoughts from his head. Heidi doesn’t comment and he hastily adds as she slides into the car,  “I’m taking you away for two nights to a chalet that cost probably as much as a deposit for this, so I figured I’d ease you into the lifestyle,” he aims for lifting the mood.

She glances at him still unconvinced. “I suppose yay me?” 

Giving up, Sebastian closes the door and walks around to the driver door. Heidi is pushing buttons and dials, he hastily grabs her hand. “Just try not to touch anything.”

“It’s a car Sebastian.” She does pull her hand back, “And I blow it up with one button, I think you need to email your bosses a complaint.”

“You don’t complain about a Ferrari!” He waves around at their surroundings. “This is… passion. Everyone loves Ferrari!” 

She does up her seat belt and sighs. “Do you want me to offer to take a selfie with you in your car?” She leans over to him and holds up her phone. He doesn’t smile, annoyed as he mutters under his breath. “I’ll send it to my mum. I’ll tell her that I’m the  _ biggest _ Ferrari fan.”

He starts the car, revving the engine. “You can stop being sarcastic now.”

Heidi’s eyes leave her phone and she looks up at him, eyes tinged with worry. “You’re not going to drive like a wild man are you?”

Sebastian beams at her, eyes alight with possibility. “We could try for a record,” he teases only for his smile to fade when she looks far from impressed. “I’m a responsible driver.” 

“Says the man that drives one of the fastest cars in the world,” Heidi looks unconvinced and he ignores the fact that she was checking that her belt was clicked in.

Dismissing her request, he lights up the back wheels as he floors it and pulls away from the curb. He’s going fast enough that the force throws them back into their seat as he shifts through the gears seamlessly as she shouts at him to slow down. He ignores her, because this feels amazing and the houses whipping past, the world a blur… it was a moment to escape. He couldn’t wait for the season to start.

Heidi’s voice is getting louder and he reluctantly drops his speed back down. “You’re trying to kill me!” She looks angry and panicked, fingers digging into the side of her seat.

“No,” he says apologetically. “It’s just a bit of fun.” 

“Risking my life isn’t fun,” she snaps. 

He tries hard to not take offence, her life was never in danger. He did know how to drive, he did this for a living and he certainly could have gone faster. He purses his lips and grips the wheel tighter. 

Now annoyed, the silence stretches between them and he should think of something to say. Gone was the easy brightness and happiness from earlier. He frowns at how easy it was to lose. “Sorry.” She glances at him and gets given a shadow of a smile. “Thanks for coming with me,” he adds genuinely because he was pleased she was going to be there. That he didn’t have to do this alone. “I promise you’ll have a good time.”

“In the fancy car and the fancy chalet?” she half jokes as she raises an eyebrow. “Every girls dream apparently.”

“But not yours,” he nods. Heidi reminded him a lot of Alena and the only time she went crazy with his money was on their wedding. Again evidence that weddings made everyone crazy. 

She shrugs, staring out the window as they drove. “I mean money is nice. I'm just not one for excess.”

“You know that’s not me right?” He tried very hard to not live his life as one of excess. " ****Cars I’ll argue with you about, but I’ll agree on the chalet,” he returns. “Honestly, I’m not big on the flashy lifestyle.” He hopes she believes that.

There’s more silence. “So are you going to tell me anymore about your ex?”

Sebastian twists his hands on the steering wheel. “She’s not my ex,” he tells her coldly.

“Fine, whatever. Invoke technicalities if it makes you feel better.” She twists to look at him. “What’s her name? How will I make her jealous -”

“Oh, just you being there will have her jealous,” Sebastian snorts. “But you’re not there to make her jealous.” That sounded terrible. “Don’t make it sound like I’m -”

“Petty?” she offers grinning. “You’re being petty.”

He frowns. He wasn’t intentionally setting out to make Laura jealous. “It’s more that you’re a distraction.” Wait, he’s not sure that sounds better.

“Wow. I feel so much better about this.” 

And this is why he was avoiding talking to Laura. He can’t ever find the right words. “I didn’t mean it like that,” he starts beginning to ramble. “It’s more that if you’re there maybe I won’t end up doing something stupid. And maybe I won’t remember that I hurt her and -” He looks at her pleadingly in the hopes she understands, “I don’t want to hurt her again.”

Heidi sighs and reaches to squeeze his arm. “Okay Sebastian.” There’s a pause before she decides to change the subject. “So how long have you know Molly for?” Heidi stretches in her seat.

“Oh,” he relaxes and smiles at the thought of his ever-patient PR Handler. “She’s worked for me ever since I was at Red Bull, so pretty much my entire F1 career. So nearly eight years. I couldn’t do what I do without her. She’s amazing and practically family.” He stops and corrects himself, “She is family.” He loves her, loves how fiercely loyal she was, and her unquestioning conviction of him was all that he needed to know they would always be okay.

They continue to chat, swapping stories and questions as they continue to get to know each. It’s nice and he finds himself forgetting about Laura and their inevitable meeting. Well mostly, it lurks at the edges of his head. He wonders if Molly would care if he didn’t show up? But at some point… Lillian was right, there was only so much avoiding Laura he could do. 

If he didn’t do it this weekend, it would just be in Melbourne in a week. And he wants to be there for Molly, see her get married, be happy. He’ll be fine, he has Heidi and if he keeps Heidi stapled to his side everything was going to be okay. And he won’t make any stupid mistakes - like immediately falling back into bed with Laura, or worse… telling her he loved her and missed her and he wants her back.

* * *

Lillian moves to stand in front of Kimi, hands on her hips as she blocks the game of ice-hockey he was watching. At least that gets his attention, enough to fall sideways to try and peer around her. “Seriously?” she snaps but it earns her a grin.

“Come here,” he says sitting back up, holding his hand out to her. “So I can say goodbye to you properly.”

She reluctantly walks over, letting him pull her into his lap. “Please come with me,” she asks quietly, fingers moving to run across his lips as she looks at him upset, tears flooding her eyes.

Kimi though reaches for his chips. “You’re good at that,” he tells her bluntly, shoving them into his mouth.

“Seriously?” she sits on his legs and crosses her arms. It was beginning to frustrate her that Kimi wouldn’t cave so easily, not even with fake tears. “I want you to come with me,” she pouts wrapping her arms around his neck. “The chalet is amazing, there’s a sauna, we can have lots of sex -”

“No, there’s a wedding and I won’t see you. I’ll get drunk and there will be no sex.” Kimi keeps eating chips. “I can do all that here.” She sighs because she was getting nowhere with asking him to come and be her plus one, she’d been sure she could convince him. He dusts his hand off. “You want me to go?”

“Yes,” she grumbles. He knows she wants him to come. 

His looks at her seriously, reaching up to cup her face as his eyes pierce into hers. “I love you.”

She smiles at that, she can’t help but do that when she hears those words. “I love you too.”

“Are we in a relationship?” Her face falls. “Am I your boyfriend?” 

She glares at him and does nothing to stop him lifting her up by the hips and placing her back on her feet. This was their argument of the moment without the fighting, and Kimi had found a loophole and was extorting it.

“Then I don’t have to go.” He slides lower in the couch. 

“Don’t you want me to to be happy?”

“You’re happy,” Kimi states. “I made you happy twice this morning.” His eyes are fixed on the TV. “Molly and Laura will be here soon to pick you up.”

She stamps her foot at not getting her way and it only has Kimi smirk at her.

“You are more like your sister than you realise.”

“You are impossible!” She doesn’t understand why he wants or needs to make them official. It was just a label, when did Kimi ever care about labels? Apparently, it was a convenient excuse for him to get out of obligations he doesn’t care for. She stalks away to get her things and put her shoes on, because Kimi was right, they would be here soon.

“Lillian.” Kimi was standing opposite her as she pulled on her boots, arms folded, gaze serious as she sat on a dining room stool. “I know you think that I’m going to bail or that your health is a reason to not make us serious -”

She drops her foot down. “It is,” she wasn’t going to let him pretend anything else. Her cancer could return at any point, her kidneys were fucked, she had yet to work out how to return to work even if she was a lot better.

He folds his arms, lips pressing together, jaw clenching hard enough to make a muscle jump in it. “My choices. My decisions.”

She shakes her head. “Why can’t we just…” she trails off pained because she wants him, she loves him. She doesn’t understand why can’t they continue to exist where they were - close but not close enough that Kimi felt obligated to her. And that was the point,  _ his  _ point -  _ no obligations _ . She winces because Kimi was proving she can’t have it both ways.

“Have a good time,” he sighs. 

She nods, swallowing. He walks over and kisses her softly. “I’ll call you when I get there?”

“Yeah,” Kimi nods.

“And send you lots of pictures from the wedding,” she continues as he pulls her back to her feet to hug her. “Well of all the drama between Sebastian and Laura.” He surprisingly doesn’t seem interested.

“Don’t drink,” Kimi murmurs. “Take your medication. Don’t stress.”

Lillian rolls her eyes but hugs him tightly. “I do love you.”

“I know. I love you too, more than anything. That’s my point.” Kimi whispers in her ear just as there is a car horn blaring from outside. He lets her go then and Lillian watches as he returns back to the TV and turns up the volume. 

And she opens her mouth to tell him she wants it all. She does want it all with him. But she bites her lips and turns away. He deserves more.

* * *

“Wow Lil,” Laura says looking around as she drops her bag in the middle of the floor of the chalet. “This place is s ridiculous.” 

“I always liked ridiculous,” Lillian comments as she and Molly begin walking around the place. 

The place had two massive living areas, a dining room, multiple bedrooms that were sleeping most of the guests, a huge kitchen and dining area along with what seemed like endless amenities - gym, sauna, pool. And all of this was a few minutes driving from the church Molly and Miles were getting married in. 

“Do I want to know how much this is costing me?” She was beginning to think she should have questioned Lillian a little more when she offered to pay for the wedding location as her gift.

“Nope, do not ask,” Lillian says cheerily as Molly rushes in from another room.

“We have our own chefs? For the whole two days?” She looks excited and apprehensive all at the same time. 

“Lillian!” Laura snaps, “That’s unnecessary.”

“Says the person that doesn’t cook!” Lillian defends linking arms with Molly. “Everything is going to be perfect.”

Annoyed, Laura tunes them out as they start walking around, running through checklists as she moves to stare outside through the large glass window panels and doors. In the distance, last minute preparation was taking place in another beautiful building just in walking distance. With everyone rushing around, she assumes that’s where the reception would be held. 

She knows she should be more excited, she was a bloody bridesmaid and the amount of effort she had put into a rushed wedding was laughable. At least the amount she contributed in money should be apology enough. God, she hopes this place was packed with alcohol. 

Sighing she wanders back to her sister and Molly where they were looking over the seating chart, checking it one last time - as if the ninety-nine times previously might be not enough. Molly is called aside to speak with one of the kitchen staff and caterers when Laura’s eyes zero in on the bridal party table in the chart. She stabs at it furiously, “Why am I sitting next to Sebastian?”

Lillian grabs it back. “That’s Molly. It’s a small dispute we are having.” Lillian curses as she sets about rearranging things back the way Laura had seen last time, with her next to Ben and Sebastian next to Lillian. “There. Fixed.”

“Don’t you dare put me next to him Lillian,” Laura warns. “Where’s his dumb date?” 

“Laura.” That was Molly, back and she was being chided as she purses his lips. 

“I’m going to be very nice,” she snaps at both of them. “I can be very sweet and kind.”

“Of course Lau,” Lillian nods as Laura goes to grab her bags. She was going to ignore the sarcasm in her tone as she says she’s off to find herself a room.

“Rooms are assigned,” Lillian shouts to her as she walks.

“I’m taking the best one!” Laura returns loudly stomping up the stairs. 

 

They’re all very nice, with large beds and all with a fireplace and their own bathroom. Yep, she shouldn’t have given Lillian an unlimited budget. She picks the largest room on the second floor, dumping her things down and then throwing herself onto the bed and amongst all the pillows.  _ Pillows _ , she sighs happily. She loved pillows.

Maybe she had drifted off, she’s not sure. But she eventually opens her eyes again and sits up to get her phone and text Dan and send pictures of the room - he wouldn’t be here till tomorrow, but she was looking forward to having him for company. 

Laura stops mid-text, ears pricking up at the sound of tyres on gravel accompanied by the sound of an engine she knew - a Ferrari engine. Dropping her phone she scrambles to the window that looked over the front of the chalet. She presses her forehead to the cool glass watching as Sebastian emerges and she bites her lip, her heart doing that little skip - purely at the sight of his car. It had nothing to do with the fact that Sebastian was stretching, shirt riding up and exposing an inch of skin… no that caused other parts of her to jump and burn to life. 

All of that is quickly killed when Sebastian opens the passenger door, waving his  _ date _ out of the vehicle. Both of them laughing and  _ happy _ . Laura sucks in her breath, anger battling hurt. She can’t believe he has a goddamn date. She wants to kill her. Him. Someone. 

“Murder is still a crime.” 

Laura whips around.  _ Ben. _

Ben nods at the window. “Lillian wanted me to tell you not kill the number one enemy.”

And just like that, her anger vanishes, tears well while the hurt remains stuck in place. She walks towards Ben telling herself she won’t cry as she throws herself into his open arms. 

He hugs her tightly. “It’s okay, Miles and I are going to hurt him -”

“Fuck, don’t joke about that,” Laura chokes out refusing to look at him, instead pushing her face into his chest. 

Ben pulls her away forcing her to look at him. “Wow, you get more miserable every time I see you.” He murmurs before kissing her softly. “Should I be worried it’s me?”

Laura shakes her head and lifts herself to her tiptoes to kiss him again. He indulges her, kissing her, longer than he would allow usually before his hands fall to her shoulders, pressing gently. “Come on Lau,” he says quietly, fingers kneading her shoulders.

“Fine,” she sighs. She won’t throw herself at him. God, when did every man suddenly start caring about their significant others? “Is she here?” Ben might be married, but Laura had met the woman only twice.  _ Sophie _ . Sophie who was lovely and nice and who Laura couldn’t stand. There's a tiny voice in her head that liked to remind her that they didn’t like Sophie because Sophie wasn’t her and Sophie got the first thing she had ever failed at securing. Ben.

Yep. Please be nice,” Ben pleads with her as if knowing she won’t be.

“Why does everyone think I can’t be nice?” She was starting to feel offended. “I can be very nice,” she says adamantly.

Ben kisses her again, laughing as he does before he grabs her hand and pulls her out of the room. “No more hiding away. People are here.”

She wants to keep hiding. Especially if Sebastian was here with his tramp girlfriend. But she lets Ben pull her along and downstairs, telling her as he goes that nice means saying only kind things, no swearing, no name calling and most importantly, smiling. She scowls at him before she forces the largest smile she can. 

She’s told to try harder.

*

Sebastian can’t calm the anxiety pounding through him. It seemed to only continue to grow the longer delay in facing Laura. Molly had given him a hug and frantic tour like she had a million other things to do. Heidi following along, eyes madly darting around like she couldn’t quite take everything in and it’s only when they’re alone in their room does Heidi look at him with eyes.

“I changed my mind. I like this life,” she tells him before she’s walking into the ensuite and begins telling him about how big the bath is, while he instead furiously rubbed his sweating palms on his jeans and noted with dismay the millions of pillows. He swallows, head only wrapping itself up more in Laura.

He blinks because Heidi was now in front of him, head tilted as she takes him in. “You want me to go and break the ice with her? Introduce myself? Let her know we’re not a thing.” Though her eyes glance at the bed, “Even if we are apparently sharing a bed?”

“No!” he rushes out, eyes wide. “God, no, just don’t go near her. Don’t talk to her. Don’t look at her…”

That has Heidi look at him curiously. “What’s she going to do me?”

Murder is the first thought that springs to Sebastian’s mind, and maybe jealousy won’t even be Laura’s driving motivation, maybe it will just be causing him pain. “I think we’ll just stay here…”

“Sebastian,” she tsks his name as he rubs at his tight chest. “Let’s just go rip the bandaid off now. Once you see her, you’ll be able to enjoy yourself.”

He won’t but he says nothing as Heidi spins him and then pushes him back to the door of their room and downstairs. God, if he could be a child right now he’d be sulking and having a proper tantrum about being forced to do this. Heidi was back to pointing things out and ooohing about stuff and he really wasn’t interested.

The moment his feet touch the floor back downstairs he sees her. And just like that, his breath is gone, heart stopping for a moment at just the sight of her - maybe refusing to function due to him having willingly chosen to give her up. Yeah, his head and heart were still very much not on the same page. He blinks because his view of Laura is cut off as Lillian steps in front of him.

“One thing I asked you to do Sebastian,” she hisses at him. “One thing!”

Sebastian can only pretend to look calmer and collected than he felt. “The thing that you are not capable of understanding Lillian, is that Laura and I have nothing to talk about.”

Heidi snorts so loudly next to him she’s having a right coughing fit. He’ll deal with her later as he steps around Lillian not in any mood to appease her at all. His eyes immediately shift back to Laura who was staring at him. And he feels like his world gets smaller, tightens up till it was just them. It’s not a look of love or sorrow she was giving him, it was hot rage and all it does is have the anxiety ease and be replaced by his never ending guilt - he hurt her. 

 

“I don’t think she likes me,” Heidi leans over to whisper to Sebastian as they’re all handed glasses of champagne. Molly and Miles getting up to make a speech and thank them all and their families for coming prior to them all sitting down for dinner. 

Sebastian isn’t really listening, more focused on Laura who was watching them across the room where she was standing between Ben and Lillian. Laura was giving Heidi death glares. ”She doesn’t like you,” he confirms bluntly. No point in lying.

“Maybe I should talk to her?” she suggests sounding more upbeat than she should and back to her idea from earlier. When he says nothing she adds, “Plus, if I tell her I’m here as a  _ friend _ , maybe she won’t plot my demise?” Heidi looks up at him when he remains silent, “Unless we are going down the petty jealous route?”

He glances back at Laura who seemed to be even closer to Ben than before. Maybe he should do petty and jealous as he feels his own jealousy stir. 

He blinks because there’s clapping and he and Heidi force smiles and clap with everyone else. When his gaze wanders back to Laura, and her eyes meet his, he feels his face flush, even if Laura was looking at him with cold eyes. Ben bends down to whisper something in her ear,  _ Ben _ . He purses his lips at least till a brunette moves to slide her hand into Ben’s and he notes wedding rings. He felt better.

Everyone disperses to have dinner, and he braces himself as Laura pushes towards them. He opens his mouth to say something to Laura but he’s resolutely ignored, her hand is thrust at Heidi.

“Hi, I’m Laura. Sister of the groom. F1 driver. Sebastian’s ex-teammate, and ex-lover,” she greets, all smiles and sounding overly sweet. “It’s lovely to meet you.

Heidi blinks, clearly processing all the information. “Hi. Heidi.” 

“Aston,” he warns taken aback by her bluntness, no matter how cheery she was trying to be. 

She shakes Laura’s hand and Sebastian shifts awkwardly as he downs his champagne. “Just  _ Heidi _ ?” Laura presses ignoring him. “I mean there’s a lot that can be construed…”

“That’s enough Laura,” Sebastian snaps grabbing her elbow.

“Don’t mind us  _ just  _ Heidi,” Laura says patting her shoulder. “We’ll be right behind you. We need a moment.”

Heidi looks at Sebastian before she shakes her head and walks to follow the others.

“Was that necessary?”

Laura yanks her arm free from his grip. “Everyone says we need to do this before tomorrow,” she tells him icily. “I have no idea what  _ this  _ is, but I plan to be an adult about this -”

“Being a real adult so far Lau,” Sebastian tells her sarcastically.

“Don’t call me  _ Lau _ ,” she hisses poking him in the chest. “In fact, just don’t talk to me. That’s how we get through this. You keep to Molly’s side, I’ll keep to Miles’ side and  _ we don’t speak _ .”

Sebastian stares at her, she has every wall up and he knows he’s very firmly on the outside. “Okay, Aston.”

“And I hate your date,” she snaps before she spins on her heel and stalks off.

Sebastian sighs. Yeah, this weekend was going to be a blast.

* * *

“So what’s the deal with Laura and Sebastian?” Ben asks Miles.

“Fuck if I know,” Miles mutters. They’re both lying on the ground outside, in the cold. But Miles needs a time out. There were too many people and really this wasn’t everyone. There was going to be a lot more people tomorrow. He rubs his chest, it feels incredibly tight. “Lillian is always the person to ask those questions.”

“True,” Ben murmurs bringing a drink up to his lips. “I wonder if Mr Grey was Sebastian…”

“Who?” Miles frowns. “There was a Mr Grey?”

“Yeah. When I came last year, to see Lillian. She was seeing Mr Grey. She didn’t say much…”

“Surprise there.” Silence falls over them and Miles closes his eyes and focuses on breathing.

“So how cold are your feet?” Ben eventually asks.

“Freezing,” Miles mutters. “I’m not sure I’m doing the right thing.”

“You did say you wanted to never be tied down…”

Miles rubs his face. “Things happen for a reason though right?” He thinks of Ella, who he loves more than anything. “I wouldn’t give up Ella. Not for all the women in the world.”

Ben rolls his head to look at him. “You marrying Molly for Ella’s sake?” He frowns. “That’s not going to work out in the long run.”

“I love Molly,” Miles tells him flatly. He did love Molly. He cared about Molly  _ a lot _ . “I’ll feel better when this is all done.”

“Doubts are normal,” Ben assures him. “If you love her, want to be with her, then it’s all going to be okay.”

“Did you have doubts when you married Sophie?” Miles thinks back, but Ben had been so calm on his wedding day.

“Yeah.” He hesitates, “Sometimes I still have doubts.” He drinks more of his beer.

Miles gives him a tiny smile. “Laura would take you back in a heartbeat, wife or no wife.” He sometimes thinks his best friend was still in love with his sister. Note that he would admit that to him, or Laura. 

Ben shakes his head. “No, I’m happy.” There’s a pause as he adds, “Mostly.”

“Is it enough?” Miles asks him, “Being mostly happy?”

“Yeah, most of the time,” Ben tells him quietly. 

Miles takes a deep breath and looks at the sky. It was starting to get very fucking cold, but still… he could live with mostly happy. “I do love her,” he tells Ben again, worried he didn’t believe that.

“I know. I love Sophie too.”

Right, they were both in love. And they were both mostly happy. That had to be better than the alternative right?

*


	4. The wedding

 

It had been a long time since Laura had dreams about Ben, but when she wakes up, far too early, she’s breathing hard, tears in her eyes as if she had woken up crying. She lies there, her dream and the past twisted together - Ben breaking up with her, not caring that she loved him, not caring that she wanted him, wanted to make their relationship work. And then somewhere her dream had twisted and Ben was Sebastian and it all played again. Breaking her again.

She slides further under her blankets as she waits for the remnants of her dream to fade, that fear she would be sucked back into the moment should she close her eyes feels well and truly gone. She hugs a pillow to her chest tightly. She lies there, staring out the window waiting for the sun to begin to peak over the horizon before she finally gets up.

The place was dead quiet, everyone still asleep as she walks downstairs. She’s taken aback at how much the place now looked like there was a wedding - ribbons, flowers, everything beautifully decorated. She stops to stare at the wedding cake on display - it was beautiful. She wants to touch it. Her finger hovers one of the flowers on the edge before she curls them and resists temptation. 

Not sure she could stomach breakfast, she makes herself coffee and heads back upstairs to wake up Lillian. She crawls into bed next to her sister, cuddling into her. “Wakey, wakey,” she whispers. “Today is the day,” she whispers in her ear.

“I’m getting married?” Lillian asks half asleep.

“No,” Laura chuckles squeezing her tighter. “I hope you’re not marrying our brother, because ew.”

Lillian grunts and rolls over to face. “Are you excited?”

“Incredibly,” Laura lies. If Lillian knows she’s lying she says nothing. “But can we stay here as long as possible before we start running around madly?”

“Yeah,” Lillian yawns. “I set an alarm…” she mumbles eyes sliding closed. 

Laura closes her eyes and enjoys being with her, and sleeping here, not alone… She dozes off into a semi dreamless state before Lillian’s alarm goes off and the expected madness starts.

It begins with Molly freaking out because she’s pretty sure that Miles is only marrying because of Ella and they should call off the wedding. Lillian feeds her breakfast and assures her, he loves her and Ella is just a lucky bonus.

Ella arrives with one of Molly’s aunts having a full-blown tantrum and refuses to be held, put down or entertained. Laura handles that one by giving Ella to Ben and slams the door on her screaming niece. She also changed her mind about kids no matter how cute their hair was.

There’s an issue with catering which Lillian apparently handles with a lot of yelling. The photographer gets lost so she delegates that to Heidi to go into town and find her because the less she was around the better. She locks the door after her, you know, safety.

Oh and there’s a very big issue of her realising that she  _ definitely _ had a thing for men in suits - she swears when she sees Sebastian storming towards her angrily, she’s unable to process any word he’s shouting at her, something about Heidi being cold? All she wants to do is take off Sebastian’s suit - fuck being hurt and sore. She was about to ask him if he wants to take two minutes out together when -

“Daniel.” Laura grins and hurriedly walks towards safety ignoring Sebastian shouting after her.

“Wow, look at you two putting your differences aside,” Dan jokes hugging her tightly. “This place is insane.”

“Yeah, my bank account apparently knows that,” Laura says squeezing him tightly. Before she whispers in his ear,  “Please don’t leave me alone with Sebastian.”

“I did hear blood was hard to get out,” Dan tells her letting her go. “You look good,” he gives her the once over nodding his approval. “Where’s Lilian?”

Laura shoves him as he asks about her sister teasingly “Don’t be mean, I’m having a horrible morning. I hate weddings.”

“Well that’s the reason why I’m going to remain free as a bird,” Daniel tells her.

“Good plan,” Laura agrees. “Never get married.” Or fall in love. Ever. Her eyes search out Sebastian to find him talking to Heidi, laughing and touching her  _ everywhere _ , his hand on her back as he introduces her to some of Molly’s family.

“Right,” Daniel says looking around at everyone rushing around madly. “What’s the plan for today? Besides me keeping you and Seb on civil terms?”

Laura gives him a brief rundown, leaving him to be excited about cake before she’s being waved over for pre-wedding photos. Daniel waves her off telling her to have fun, knowing very well she wasn’t going to have any.

*

Sebastian stands at the front of the church, fiddling with the sleeves of his jacket waiting for this to all start - or better yet be done with. Next to him was a sweating Miles who looks like he wanted to bolt, and a calm and collected Ben. Was this where he was meant to lean over and offer words of encouragement to Miles? He doubts he could muster any.

He lets his eyes wander over the guests. Molly’s mother was already dabbing at her eyes, and when he sees Heidi, she smiles at him and he returns it before looking at his shoes. Maybe asking her here was not his brightest idea… The swell of music has his head snap up because  _ finally _ .

His eyes immediately fall on Ella being held by Lillian. He grins as she dumps handfuls of flowers down with Lillian’s encouragement. There’s no doubt Lillian looked so much better, not quite back to how he remembers her, but definitely better. Behind her is Laura and the thump in his chest hurts at the sight of her. She looks so good, she always looked  _ so good _ . 

Her short hair that she cut off at the end of last year was already longer, tucked behind her ears and the way it was styled from the front it could be as if she had it all pulled back. She wore a long deep blue dress that looked stunning. He can’t tear his eyes from her, and when he blinks, just for a moment it’s like everything else fades away. It’s Laura, just Laura making his way towards him. Her eyes meet his and his head is caught up in the insane thought she wasn’t just walking in his direction, she was walking to him. Her dress wasn’t blue, it was white and he was standing in Miles’ place. 

Fuck his heart so much because of the love he felt for her, had been trying to suppress roars back with a vengeance at the thought of not just having her, but  _ marrying  _ her. He wants her, the impossible dream. And he wants  _ this _ so badly. He can’t look away, stuck in this alternate reality with her till her gaze breaks his and then it’s all sucked away when she takes her place at the front.

He swallows, looking up to try and pull himself together as he takes a deep breath. He has to remind himself it doesn’t matter what he wants, doesn’t matter how he feels, he’s still not sure they can do this right, do things better. He forces himself to return his gaze to Heidi, to smile as bright as he can because she was his distraction. His head was doing the right thing, he just needed his heart to catch up. And it would, eventually.

 

The ceremony after that is mostly a blur because he was doing what he could to keep his head stuck in the now and not drifting to the possibility of what-ifs. And when it’s all done, he takes Lillian’s arm to walk back down the aisle.

She leans into him, voice a quiet murmur, “I know what you’re thinking. Stop it,” she orders.

He glances at her and tells her honestly, “I’m trying.” 

She gives him a look of disbelief, tone threatening as she adds, “Try harder because over my dead body you marry my sister.”

* * *

All Miles had felt as the wedding loomed closer, was fear and doubt. He found himself questioning if his drive to marry Molly was because it’s what he wanted or because of his desire to give Ella everything. Everything had become so blurred, or maybe it was never separate. Afterall, Molly and Ella had existed together far longer than he and Molly had. 

He had been trying hard to be responsible, to step up and do the right thing from the moment that Molly said she was going to have their baby, with or without him. Molly who was sweet and kind and fiercely loyal to those that she loved. And she loved him and he…

Music swells and the maddening rush of thoughts that had been increasing  _ finally _ silent because there was no running now. And when his eyes lock with her at the end of the aisle, in a long-sleeved white dress, looking utterly perfect, his heart thuds hard with maybe the only single thought that mattered in that moment - he loved her.

If he wants out, if his head still was battling the question of  _ why _ he was here, he can’t hear the voices. There’s nothing but Molly and he can’t look away, can’t think of anything else but her. He wants her more than he has ever wanted her, she looked beautiful, stunning. Everything about her in this moment was flawless - hair, skin, dress… and she was his. 

Well, almost. He can’t recall anything of the ceremony, one moment he was captivated by her, the next he was being prodded to say words and he barely hears anything she says, before  _ finally _ … he pulls her against him and leans down to kiss her, sealing their union as husband and wife even if he hadn’t quite caught up with that realisation.

Miles pulls back, Molly beaming at him, eyes so bright as they shone with happiness, and he just wants to sink into her, enjoy this moment. He moves to kiss her once more and she giggles but he’s not allowed to get caught up in her, and she’s against him then, wrapped around him, his wife. They’re people clapping and he’s pulled back firmly to the now, out of his moment alone with her. 

Lillian leans over, passing him Ella who gives him a toothy smile and he touches her cheek. It was the three of them now, officially. His doubts seemed far away, his heart just felt full, as the three of them walked back down the aisle. This was right, this was everything, they were everything, as he pulls Molly against him, kissing her again because he could as they stood outside the church for photos.

* * *

Laura goes to find Daniel after the service, ready for a distraction, only to find him outside with suspiciously wet eyes. “Did you cry?” she asks not exactly where to start mocking him on this knowledge.

“What? No!” He looks alarmed. “Allergies,” he tells her unconvincingly.

She shoves him. “Idiot.”

“Come on Lau,” he says smiling at her brightly, “You can’t be in a bad mood when there’s love in the air.”

“I should have asked Jenson,” she mutters, only for Daniel to be offended.

Daniel pulls her against him, hugging her hard. She huffs at his need to constantly do that. “Aston, I’m going to cheer you up, and make you celebrate love.”

She purses her lips. “I’m not drinking tequila with you.”

“We'll discuss it later,” Daniel nods in the direction of Lillian who was tapping her wrist furiously.

“Right,” Laura sighs. “Photos. Wish me luck.” Today almost felt like she is bossed around and doing media work at the track. But then again, she had as much as enthusiasm today as she did for that aspect of her job so maybe it was the same.

“Just remember to…” Dan smiles broadly, pointing at his face as she walks away to join Lillian and Ben.

“Laura,” Lillian says the moment she has reached them. “We have a schedule. You can get drunk with Daniel after.”

“You and Daniel…” Ben asks with raised eyebrows.

“Of course not,” Lillian interrupts trying to make them walk quicker to join Molly and Miles who were ahead with Sebastian. 

Ben pulls her to his side. “Hey,” he murmurs, “Please cheer up. Or be mad.” He looks at her concerned. 

She stares at him and shakes her head. She wasn’t angry, all she had was a lot of hurt, she wished she was angry. She lets her eyes fall on Sebastian in the distance, tries to dredge up anger, and there’s a flicker, it burns, only when he glances over his shoulder, their eyes meeting before he looks away quickly, it’s drowned under pain. “I’m fine,” she tells him and forces a smile. Ben squeezes her and says nothing else and she spends the short walk practising her smiling because she doubts Molly and Miles want her plastered in wedding photos looking as if she’s feeling sorry for herself.

*

Sebastian was happy to be free from doing photos. He had, for the most part, avoided having to be with Laura, but there were a few that required them to stand next to each other, touch each other, smile. He hated it and loved it in equal measure. 

And having a break from Miles and Molly staring adoringly at each other was a happy bonus as he went looking for Heidi the moment Lillian has released him. He’s startled to find his date giggling flirting with an unexpected guest.  _ Daniel _ . He’s not sure how he feels seeing Aston’s teammate and supposed date flirting with his supposed date. Because there was no way Daniel was here actually as Laura’s date - he refused to believe that.

“Seb!” Daniel spies him, waving him over and he hesitates before joining them. “I was keeping Heidi company while you were photographed from all angles.”

He forces a smile. “Thanks. Can I have her back now?” He didn’t fancy sharing his date with Daniel, even if Heidi was here more in a friend capacity.

Heidi blushes and moves back to his side. “Daniel was telling me how you were both teammates,” she explains. “You seem to have had a lot of teammates. I thought it was just Laura.”

Sebastian forces a smile. “For a handful of races only with Daniel, and I’ve had more than one teammate for sure.” Unfortunately, there were very few he cared to reflect on. Did she really think he had only one? He needed her to sit down and watch some races.

“But I’m your favourite right?” Daniel asks, unphased at the dirty look he was being given as he rests his hand on his heart. “Or is there someone else you prefer?” Daniel was definitely fishing for a reaction and there’s a horrible feeling settling in the pit of his stomach because while he hadn’t told Heidi everything about him and Laura, she knew enough and he was hastily trying to recall if he told her not to mention it to anyone.

“No. I prefer Mark,” he snaps at Daniel.

“Who's Mark?” Heidi asks looking between them, curiosity settling on her features.

“Mark Webber,” Daniel seems happy to fill her in. “The second most handsome Australian Formula 1 driver.” Sebastian snorts at his assessment. “And currently wining and dining our beloved Aston.”

Sebastian goes still “What?” 

Daniel’s look of over exaggerated shock has Sebastian’s stomach sinking.  _ Goddamnit _ . “You didn’t know? Mark and Laura in Spain after testing. Mark posted pictures on Instagram. I’ll show you.” 

“Don’t!” he probably said that too loudly when Daniel reached for his phone. Daniel’s grin confirmed that he definitely might have said that too loudly.  _ Laura and Mark?  _ That’s the most ridiculous thing ever. But far less ridiculous than Laura and Daniel. He feels sick and Daniel’s face was one of glee like he was uncovering some deep dark secret. “Mark has a girlfriend,” Sebastian says it like he was stating facts because it was and it was a very important fact.

“She’s very lovely though don’t you agree Seb?” Daniel waves to Laura appearing with her sister “Maybe Mark will sweep her off her feet? Ditch the girlfriend?”

Sebastian glares at him wanting the earth to swallow the Red Bull driver whole as he grabs Heidi’s arm. “Enjoy your evening.” He drags Heidi after him as his heart pounds. “What did you say to him?”

“What?” she asks confused letting herself be pulled along. “I feel like I should be showing more interest in motorsports if all your colleagues are so good looking.”

“You can’t mention anything about Laura and I to  _ anyone _ ,” he hisses at her furiously.

“I’m not going to sell it for a story, and does it really matter?” she asks him when Sebastian stops to grab two glasses of wine for them. “Is it some forbidden love? That’s kind of romantic.” 

“It’s not,” he tells her coldly before Sebastian finishes his glass.

Heidi rubs his arm. “I won’t say anything. I didn’t say anything, well not by name,” she shrugs. “He’s actually very funny.”

Sebastian pinches the bridge of his nose. Fuck. He doesn’t need Heidi going on about  Daniel all evening and worse, he doesn’t need Daniel knowing about him and Laura - even if there was nothing to know now.

* * *

Laura figures that Molly must have won her final battle with the seating charts because she ends up next to Sebastian. And it’s proper torture. Resolutely ignoring him is easy, she’s done that plenty of times but that coupled with them bumping, grazing each other, rubbing arms, what felt like constant contact was driving her insane.

Insane because the touch lingered long after they both ripped away from the other because with each one she found herself looking forward to the next and despising it all in equal parts. The whole thing is exhausting and yet, they don’t speak one word to each other. Well except for the bread roll incident as she’ll call it.

He’d asked for hers and she’d gone to pass it to him, figuring she’d be  _ nice _ at the same time he’d reached for it, apparently not requiring her permission to eat her food, and he’d grabbed her fingers. It resulted in her elbowing him when she withdrew her fingers fast, and when he had done the same, it had seen him knocking over his wine onto his pants, more leg bumping and her shoving napkins into his crotch which he begged her to  _ not  _ do. 

In the end, she very much hated Molly and had now abandoned her meal and was sitting as still as possible, not even risking drinking her wine. Consumption on hold in fear there’d be any further touching. Sebastian was doing the same, but his were eyes still on her bread roll that he had given up. 

Sebastian clears his throat, “So this is going well.”

His attempt at the joke falls flat when she glares at him till he shrinks back in his seat. She jumps to her feet because she had enough of this and she was going to sit with Daniel. Dinner was nearly done, speeches were nearly over. She stops after she stepped away before marching back and snatching up the plate with her bread roll that he was already reaching for. “No,” she snaps at him.

 

She goes to Daniel, relieved to see there was a seat next to him as she offers him her bread roll. “Want this?”

“Oh,” his eyes light up and he gladly takes it. “I love these things.” Laura rolls her eyes as he practically shoves the whole thing in his mouth before asking. “Right, so we need to talk.” She frowns as he asks her bluntly, “What’s with you and Seb?”

She blinks and attempts a look of innocence? “Sorry?”

Daniel waits till he finishes his bread roll before continuing. “Now, I knew watching you and Seb play nice tonight was going to be fun…” 

Trust him to take great joy in her discomfort. She sits back in her chair and folds her arms refusing to comment. She does risk glancing back over at the bridal table only to find that Sebastian was staring at her and she wildly starts looking around the room as her face heats up. What is wrong with her?

“But it turns out that Seb is trying to get over some ex and well you are as miserable as fuck -” Laura stops breathing, gripping the edge of the table as Daniel dusts his hands off from his extra roll. “I mean I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but seriously.  _ Seriously _ !?”

She can only try for very calm. “I don’t know what you’re talking about Daniel.”

“You can’t even look at him!”

“That’s not new,” she snaps.

“And what the hell were you doing in his lap?” 

Oh god. “He knocked his -”

Daniel is clearly not after an answer he seems to be twitching in his seat in excitement. “Aston,  _ seriously _ , is something going on?”

“No,” she answers coldly.

Daniel now looks like he wants to squeal and she stares up at the ceiling wondering if would be better to just go back to Seb and awkwardly shove napkins into his crotch. “But there  _ was _ . Holy shit.” He grabs her arms. “Fucking hell Laura!” He seems to shake her like that was going to have everything spill out. “When!  _ How _ ? This is  _ the best _ thing  _ ever _ !”

“Daniel,” Laura hisses because he was getting far too loud in his excitement. “I really don’t think we should be talking about this here.”

“Of course!” He drops his head closer but not his voice, “This is the like the best secret I have ever heard. Are you in love with him?”

“Jesus Christ,” she gets to her feet. She was going to back to Sebastian.

“Laura!” Daniel calls after her. “I have so many more questions!”

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for your comments and encouragement for this year! Struggling with the beginning of this, but will keep pushing forward as best as I can.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right. It's been a while. Sorry things have been crazy at work and having been working pretty well non-stop. And I'm not sure that's going to stop ease up for the moment. Because of that, no promises on updates. I will write when I can and post when I can. Hope you can all understand! But I promise nothing is abandoned just things might take longer than my usual weekly updates to get out.

 

Sebastian is doing his best to enjoy himself, to avoid certain people, or more accurately one person in particular and her date. He had relented and let Molly pull him onto the dance floor, spinning her around till she giggles. At least here he can also distract himself from Heidi’s looks and glances at Daniel whenever she could. He was unimpressed with this unforeseen development.

“You know,” Molly tells him, laughing when he dips her, “If you aren’t going to have Heidi, you have to let me set her up with Daniel.”

“No,” he tells her coldly, yanking her back up so quickly she clutches hard at him so she doesn’t topple over. “She’s here with me.”

Molly rolls her eyes. “You never let anyone play with your toys. You can be such a child.” The comment has Seb suck in his breath and he twirls her again, faster, longer till she begs him to stop practically falling into him. “I’m sorry, you’re not a child,” she tells him sarcastically though her are eyes are bright, smile fixed to her face - he’s not sure she’s ever been this happy.

“Please don’t,” he begs her. He really didn’t need her to be on him tonight. This whole weekend felt like a mess as it was. “Be on my side.”

“Seb,” she wraps her arms around him tightly, “I’m always on your side.” She kisses his cheek hard.

He goes to respond to that only Molly is distracted, reaching out and tapping Miles on the shoulder when he’s next to them. Before he can process anything, Molly is saying they should swap partners and Sebastian can only when Molly is whisked away and Laura standing in front of him awkwardly. Fuck. Molly was lucky it was her wedding day or he would fire her.

“I’m going to find Daniel,” Laura tells him stiffly, apparently prepared to walk off the dance floor at the prospect of having to be anywhere near him. And the thought of her running off to Daniel has him snap, reaching for her hand and pulling her towards him. “Sebastian!”

“We need to talk about Daniel,” he responds bluntly while pulling her flush against him. He smiles at the pink flush on her cheeks, maybe she doesn’t hate this as much as she wants him to believe, ignoring the fact that she was silently screaming at him to ‘let go’.

“Yeah well your date has a big mouth,” Laura snaps.

“Maybe you shouldn’t have brought him here.” He guides her backwards, fighting her to lead because god dammit she doesn’t have to control everything.

“I can bring whoever I like. And where did you find _Heidi_? Did your mother pick her out for you?” Laura makes a noise when he steps on her foot. “Can you stop pushing me around!”

“That’s how this is meant to work. I lead, you follow.”

“Yeah, well you lost any chance of me following you anywhere,” she hisses at him yanking her hands free. Her words sting and he swallows as she looks at him hurt. Sebastian can only watch as she walks away from him then and he pushes his hands into his pockets as she’s heads back to Daniel. He turns away when Dan nods at him with a knowing smirk, cursing silently.

*

Laura had stepped aside, not caring that it was ridiculous temperatures she felt hot, too hot. Surrounded by too many people, feeling like she was in a too small a space with Sebastian, even if the place was huge and hardly overcrowded. Still… she drinks the wine she had taken with her as she tries to blank Sebastian from her head.

Far too quickly her wine glass is empty and she frowns at it, wondering if it would refill and she wishes this was like the genie and Tim Tam ad from her childhood where the girl wishes for a never ending pack of biscuits… she wants a never ending glass of wine. And then just like that a bottle is being waved at her and she grins, “Daniel.” Maybe he was still worth keeping around. Could he grant all her wishes?

“How many of these do I need to pour for you so I can have the scoop on you and Sebastian?”

Laura snorts. “A lot more than one bottle.”

“Noted,” he grins.

“Can you please stop making eyes at Seb’s date? Honestly it’s sickening,” she huffs at him.

Daniel’s smile only broadens. “I came to try and sleep with the bridesmaids. That’s not going so well…”

“Well I’m sorry for your limited selection,” she mutters, shifting closer because she was starting to feel the cold now.

“Heidi doesn’t seem so bad -” Laura glares at him, “I feel like your bias since she’s here with Seb and you are clearly wishing he was dead.” He stops at that frowning, “That isn’t so different from how things were so not sure where you both fit like feelings into your relationship -”

“Daniel,” she warns icily because they were not discussing it.

“I’m only saying Laura, if you’re not interested, Heidi seems like a great option and it will piss of Seb, so you should be on board.” Daniel is clearly trying a different approach and Laura frowns in a huff at his point. “So… unless you’re interested,” he teasingly waggles his eyebrows at her. “Being a bridesmaid and all…’

Laura takes another mouthful of wine, contemplating the idea. God, sex right now would be so good. She feels like it’s been forever. “No strings attached sex?” she asks as Daniel drinks from the bottle.

Daniel looks startled at her taking him up on the offer, and promptly breaks into coughing fit. Laura though, calmly drinks more wine liking this idea more and more because right now she feels worked up and sex could be the answer.

“I don’t know if you’re being serious right now?”

“Yes, I am,” Laura says simply. “We’ll make it one night only.”

“With the possibility to continue if it’s good?” Daniel was now apparently properly considering this, clearly wanting added clauses.

“It’s me, it’s going to be good,” Laura snaps at him. So she might not have the numbers like Lillian, but no one had ever complained about her performance.

Daniel touches his heart. “I am feeling so wooed right now.” She shoves him hard. “Okay Aston, we’ll have hot one night sex together.”

“Good.” She can’t fucking wait. “Let’s do it now.” Get it over and done with before she changes her mind because she over thought the decision. Or worse, decides its the best idea to deal with ehr problems and seeks out someone else to have sex, Sebastian dancing in her head at the thought of sex as if the two things were married, or worse now her default. She turns to walk back towards the wedding reception leaving Daniel to follow.

“Uh… right now?” Daniel stops. “Here?”

“Well not here,” Laura huffs. “We’ll go back to our rooms…”

“And have lots of hot dirty sex,” Daniel finishes for her looking as if those words are weird to say and not quite sure they had agreed to this.

“Yep,” Laura nods and both stand there for a moment as if they were letting that sink in. “Okay.” She turns and rids herself of her glass, Daniel hurriedly doing the same before they both turned to head back towards the house.

*

Lillian was attempting to hold a snoozing Ella, text Kimi while trying to monitor the situation between Sebastian and Laura. Turns out Kimi doesn’t seem particularly interested in a text conversation, though was more than happy for her to send him photos when she went to bed, and Laura seems to be doing a good job of keeping Sebastian at bay without her help.

There was only one problem she was having. “Stop it,” she orders Molly who rubs Ella’s back in her arms, whispering something softly in her daughter’s ear. “I know you want them back together,” she adds in a hiss.

Molly says nothing when she straightens up, clearly unperturbed by any threat she would lay out.

“They ended things, you don’t have to make it more awkward by shoving them together whenever possible,” she continues as Molly rolls her eyes.

“Lil, they’re grown adults and they will do what they want with or without our encouragement.” Molly response is nothing but diplomatic.

“Then don’t manipulate the seating charts and don’t conveniently make them dance together,” Lillian accuses as loudly as she dared, not wanting to wake her niece. And it wasn’t like she was completely heartless - she had supported Laura and Seb, she had told Laura to go and give the relationship everything she had and it still fell apart. Her sister now saw the error of her ways, there was no need for Molly to now step in and manipulate the situation when things had been tried and tested and everyone involved was trying to let the dust settle.

“How’s Kimi?” Molly’s seemingly innocent question has her fall silent. “Can we call you a couple yet?”

“No,” Lillian says flatly, silently seething at her now-sister-in-law’s attempt to change the subject to something she doesn’t want to discuss.

“You want to talk about that?” Molly does pose the question in a genuine manner, but it leaves her bristling. “He loves you.”

Lillian clutches Ella tighter in her grip, swallowing at those words. “Don’t change the subject,” she says tightly.

Molly sighs. “Fine. We won’t talk about Kimi loving you or the fact that despite whatever happened between Seb and your sister, they still love each other either.”

“Laura doesn’t love Seb anymore,” Lillian states after a moment, head bent to breathe in Ella’s scent. She doesn’t care if that’s a lie, it would be the truth eventually. Everyone falls out of love eventually, and everyone walks away eventually - there were no exceptions. She knew that better than anyone, it was how all her relationships ended.

There’s a long silence before Molly says, “Maybe we should agree we both don’t get involved in their relationship?” Lillian turns to look at her. “I won’t interfere if you don’t interfere,” she continues. “Then we’ll see who's right.”

Molly was such a sap. “Is this your way of seeing if love conquers all?”

That only sees Molly beam at her. “If they’re meant to be Lillian, they won’t need my help, they’ll sort things out. In the meantime, I’m going to see if I can get Heidi a date.”

“What!” Lillian calls after her. “That’s helping! Heidi is Seb’s date! That’s interfering Molly!” Her shouting has Ella stir in her grip, whimpering at the raising of her voice. “Sorry,” she rubs Ella’s back furiously. “That’s your mother’s fault.”

*

Laura stand in her room, forcing a tight smile at Daniel opposite, trying not to feel like this was uncomfortable. Daniel was hot, she liked Daniel. She slept with Sebastian for the first time for a lot less than that for reasons. This whole thing is Sebastian’s fault, he put her in a position where she got sex on a regular basis, and good fucking sex.

It had been that good that her head pretty much assumed those two words were one and the same. They both started with ‘s’. Not to mention she might have had more sex with Seb while not in a relationship than she did with Jenson and before Jenson, really sex wasn’t something she engaged in. Racing had been her focus and look at her now? Wanting sex as if Sebastian had turned her into some addict, desperate enough that she was willing to have sex with Daniel.

She moves towards him, hands falling to his chest before she runs them over Daniel’s shirt, feeling all the muscles beneath. That was _very_ nice. She knew Daniel was toned, she had more than once stared at shirtless pictures of him. She steps closer, and Daniel dips his head, watching her, hesitating before he moves to close the last of the distance between their mouths and kiss her.

She slams her eyes closed when their lips pressed together. There’s silence and stillness, both waiting for something to happen, Laura waiting for, a spark, some maddening burst of lust… but his lips move over hers and she’s just kissing him as she opens her eyes.

Daniel is staring at her and then they’re giggling. He pulls away. “Are you even trying Laura?”

“Yes!” she huffs grabbing fistfuls of her shirt. “Do it properly like you do with all the other girls!” She feels like he isn’t trying right now. Girls fawned all over Daniel, they were all desperate to get in his pants, clearly he wasn’t trying hard enough with her.

“Yeah Aston, this is all on me, but fine,” he says grabbing her, arm tightly around her waist to pull her hard against him and this time he doesn’t ask permission, he just takes before he is once more kissing her.

This time, there’s something there, it’s pleasant, _nice_ and not quite so foreign. The kiss is harder, firmer, with more certainty, and she kisses him back eagerly as he grabs her ass and hitches her to him. There’s an immediate stray thought of how Seb would hate this. And then thinking about Seb has her breath hitch and she sighs into Daniel’s kiss before the noise leads to a hand falling to her breast. That has her pull away.

“What?” Daniel asks hand removed hurriedly, “Too much? We’ll do the kissing, we were getting better at that.”

“No. Sorry. Keeping going.” Goddamn Sebastian ruining everything even when he’s not here. Laura moves to kiss him but then stops him. “Wait, take off your shirt.” Maybe if she saw him naked this would be easier and less _weird_.

“Good idea, we’ll get naked first. Everyone wants me naked.” Daniel begins to strip down and she badly wants to argue that point but instead he orders, “Get naked Laura.”

She rolls her eyes and reaches around to unzip the back of her dress and lets it drop down while Daniel worked on pants and a shirt, hopping around to take off socks and shoes. “We should have brought alcohol,” she muses as she waits for him. “Maybe I should get some?”

“But Lau,” Daniel pouts, “The sex!”

She stares pointedly at his briefs. “Start without me. You don’t even look ready.”

“Aston,” Daniel stops her and looks her up and down, as if reminding her she just took off her dress.

“Picky,” she snaps walking over to get Dan’s shirt. “I’ll go down to the kitchen and avoid everyone.”

“If you pass Seb... “

“I’ll tell him not to keep you waiting,” she replies sweetly slipping out.

 

Fifteen minutes later, they’re on their backs, feet propped on the wall, passing vodka between them. “So while we wait for this kick in,” Daniel turns to look at her. “You and Seb?”

“A topic to get me in the mood?” She snorts. “What about us?”

“How long? Like just a recent thing? All the heat of the championship? I mean it does sound kind of sexy and intense.” He was getting excited again and not in the way she would prefer.

She looks over annoyed. “That’s like the hardest question!”

He hands the vodka back. “Well just break it down. First time you fucked?”

“Spain. After we crashed.

Daniel baulks slightly.

She adds bitterly. “When we were teammates.” Daniel has sat bolt upright and she only drinks more. “Both times, if you need details.”

Daniel is holding up his hands. “Wait. Just _wait_ ,” he looks like he can’t keep up. “Weren’t you with Jenson over a year ago!”

Laura screws her face up. She forgot about Jenson. “That’s complicated. But I never slept with Seb while I was with Jenson. _Ever_.”

Daniel leans over her, eyes bright. “Is Seb the reason you broke up with Jenson?”

She shoves a hand in Daniel’s face because he was invading her personal space now, even if that was exactly what they were meant to be doing. “No. Whole other load of problems there.” Though at this point she wonders if she hadn’t been pregnant if Seb wouldn’t be an issue now or if she would be giving Daniel a different answer to his Jenson question.

“So what happened? I mean there are _proper_ feelings. I can see them. And I’m trying to work out when they started…” She can see his brain turning. “Like I never saw it. _Obviously_ , I would have interrogated you sooner if I had.”

Laura shrugs, her chest hurting so bad as she’s made to recall New Years. “What everyone would say would happen.”

Daniel lies back down next to her, cuddling into her. “Well maybe if you tried to play nicer?”

“I will,” she replies and her head rolls towards his. “If there’s a point now I’m not sure…” There are tears threatening and the alcohol was soothing nothing. It has Danei lean forward and kiss her softly.

“It does get better,” he assures her, fingers running through her hair. And this time she moves to meet his lips kissing him back, letting her eyes fall closed as they kiss. It’s nice, it’s comforting, it’s still not quite...

It’s Daniel that jerks away. “Oh my god,” Daniel seems to have had a realisation. “We didn’t wait for cake!”

“Daniel!” He kissing her thinking of cake, they were not getting very far with this.

“What? It’s not like we’re going to get to the sex.”

She thumps him hard. “We’re getting to the sex. We’re having sex.” Or possibly not. Maybe she was now broken and would never have sex again? That’s a very depressing thought, she’d grown very fond of sex in the last year.

Daniel nods his head. “Fine, we are having sex. But cake first?”

“Fine, but after I’ve had my vodka.”

“Don’t think I’m not noticing the _not_ sharing of that,” Daniel mutters.

“Please, I didn’t win last year, I was bitterly rejected and now am unable to have sex with you. Clearly, I need it more.”

Daniel strokes her forehead and bends down and kisses her softly. “You did great last year. And no one is rejecting you and we will have our dirty sex,” he promises. She smiles up at him shakily.

“Sometimes I think I love you,” she murmurs and he breaks into a wide smile. “Sometimes,” she repeats as he kisses her again, hard, chaste and not preparing for the dirty sex they were meant to be having.

“Aston, I love you too.” He’s back to cuddling her. “Maybe we’ll just have one of those sexless marriages.”

That has tears spring to her eyes. “But I like sex…”

Daniel squeezes her tighter. “Drink your vodka. You’ll feel better.”

* * *

The rest of the night seems to breeze by, and it’s more than late by the time everyone calls it an evening, when Sebastian walks Heidi to her room. He kisses her cheek, happy that there was no Daniel around to be doing this instead of him. He’s not sure where Daniel ended up, he figures that he disappeared off with Laura a few hours back, but at least it wasn’t with Heidi and it wasn’t like he was worried about Laura and Daniel.

Sebastian makes his way back downstairs to get some water for his room, realising this weekend was almost over and tomorrow he could go home. No more Laura, or being made to see her or have conversations with her, he could go back to working out how to move on and maybe things would smooth out between them over the year and...

“Fuck.” Sebastian drops the jug of water he was refilling for his room, when Laura almost falls into the kitchen, giggling as she does - barefoot and wearing what he thinks might only be a shirt, _a men’s shirt_ . He brain is short-circuiting because he had seen her disappear with Dan, but them… _together_? And is she drunk?

She’s noticed him and her face wrinkles up briefly before she’s smoothing her expression at the same time of tugging the shirt as if it would magically gain a few inches. She then breezes past him without a word.

“What are you wearing?” he asks ignoring the fact that she was clearly ignoring him as he abandons the jug and his quest for water.

“A shirt Sebastian,” she answers yanking open the fridge and clearly on the hunt for something.

“What were you doing?” he demands, mouth going dry at the thought of her and Daniel. Had she really spent the last few hours sleeping with him? No! That’s not possible! That just can’t happen. His head is whirling so fast he can’t even accept that. “You missed the cake and Molly throwing the bouquet -”

“Yes cake!” She slams the fridge closed and spins around, hands on her hips, before she’s once more losing balance and falls back into the fridge. “Daniel wants cake. Where’s the cake?”

No fucking way. Just _no!_ He feels it rushing back, that insane jealousy he felt in Brazil, it’s clawing his way through him and he desperately tries to push it back down because he knows he can’t go off at her and yet… He wants to shout at her, grab her, make her his. Here. _Now_. He moves towards her.

And she must know because she there’s a smile pulling at her lips. “You have some real issues you know that.” She lets out a small noise when she backs up against the fridge just to keep distance between them.

“Are you seriously sleeping with him? What would _Mark_ say?” he throws that out there to get a reaction and because Laura with Mark is far more likely than Daniel! And there is a part of him that right now was telling him to _stop_ . He ignores it as he traps in her place with his arms, watching her swallow and flush. Yes, she still wants him. _Good_. He doesn’t even care if that’s male pride or ego, whatever you want to call it.

“Are you seriously just going to fuck me every time anyone dares lay a finger on me?” She was trying for mocking, he was sure of it, but she’s all breathless and her body arches towards his. Anyone would think that’s what she wants right now. All the blood was heading south fast. She continues. “Right here? Against the fridge? I mean we have done that before. Or do you want to bend me over the bench? Just take what you want?”

He can’t help himself he glances at the counter, imagines doing that, while she’s wearing that shirt. Send her back to fucking Daniel all used. He falls from his hands to his forearms, more space disappearing as he zeros in on her mouth. What he would give right now… He might actually be trembling with want.

She blinks, maybe trying to pull herself together as she asks breathlessly, words a little slurred this time as a reminder she wasn't sober, “Cake? Were there leftovers?”

It’s a poor attempt because the moment he pushes against her, removes the space by slamming his body into hers, she’s yanking him closer. He groans as her mouth latches onto his throat before he pushes them away from the fridge and he stumbles them towards the counter as she bites and sucks at his skin, anywhere and everywhere possible. The fall against the counter, and finally her lips have made a messy path to his, latching on as he kisses back desperately.

_Yes_. And he doesn’t care that he has to hold her up, that she tastes like vodka and was more than likely on the wrong side of sober, he wants her. Because she wants him, kisses him, submits to him till he’s pretty sure he’s never been so hard in his life. He rips his mouth from hers, before he picks her up, seats her on the edge of the bench. He shoves her legs apart, only for her to open them wider pulling him hurriedly in between.

And maybe he should drop it but he can’t help himself, he has to know. “Did you fuck him?”

She shakes her head viciously. “No,” she rasps, hands going to his pants and struggling with his fly in her current state.

Sebastian’s brain has well and truly switched off as her fingers keep brushing him, he’s shaking as he tackles the buttons on her shirt before his fingers dive underneath to remove her underwear, necessities only at this point. She falls backwards and it’s clear she’s not exactly possessing all her senses right now. He doesn’t care as he tears her underwear down her legs and drops them to the ground.

Then she’s awkwardly half lying, half propped on the counter, legs spread and on full display arching towards him as she moans his name loudly before panting, “God just, hurry up and fuck me," while he runs a hand up her inner thigh, the other working on his fly she hadn’t gotten far with.

“Hey, Seb.” There must be some gods that exist, and he can only pray to them his thanks that the door was _behind_ Laura because otherwise, Ben would have copped an eyeful.

“We’re locking up, most people have headed to bed...” He trails off slowly, now looking between them, eyes questioning while backing away.

“Laura wanted cake,” Sebastian explains rushed as he helps Laura sit up. She’s flushed, and a little dizzy because she practically falls off the counter.

She blinks at Ben. “Dan’s hungry,” is all that she offers, once against tugging on the hem of her shirt.

Ben though holds up his hands. “I don’t want to know.” He turns and walks off calling back, “Cake’s in the freezer!”

 

There’s nothing but silence, both utterly still. “Fuck.” His heart was pounding, body furious at their interruption as Laura clutches at the counter as they reassess their moment of madness. In 2.1 seconds he had Laura naked from the waist down and ready to fuck her because why? He falls across the bench next to her, covering his head with his arms as he screams to himself. Literally, nothing had changed. _Nothing_ . This was the reason why he ended things, he possessed literally no sense around her. _None._

At least this was enough of a shock to his system, equivalent to a bucket of ice being dumped on him to wash the burn from his body that felt like it was going to consume him moments earlier. He pulls at his hair because he was completely stupid. _So fucking stupid_.

Laura says nothing to him, he just hears the walk-in freezer open and he turns to watch her disappear inside. He blinks after her, the door immediately moving to close shut on her.

“Fuck.” He moves after her to catch the door. “There’s no handle inside,” he tells her when she glares at him, apparently having recovered some of her senses as she stands in the cold room trying to pull her underwear back on while she looked at him furiously.

This felt like safer territory. He was used to her hating him. He knew how to handle that, what he couldn’t handle was her wearing other men’s shirt while having her sit in front of him, on full display and beg him to fuck her in his jealous rage.

“Don’t fucking to talk to me,” she snaps, as she attempts to balance on one leg, and push her foot through the other leg opening before she’s flailing wildly about. This wasn’t an activity she shouldn't be attempting in her current state but he doesn’t get a chance to warn her.

“Laura!” And sure enough she cries out, balance gone and crashing towards the floor as he darts forward to catch her when she loses her footing. She’s demanding to be released when he hears the door catch behind him and he whirls around, eyes opening wide at the closed door with no handle to allow them out. “Ah fuck.”

* * *


	6. Cold Room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! Bit of emotion this one. Time for some serious talking.

Laura’s still not sure she’s quite in the right frame of my mind currently to process what was happening. There’s two things she knows right now, one she’s getting cold, two she was sobering up fast and she’d like some damn alcohol if Sebastian was going to keep banging on the door while jamming a button. A button that opens nothing or does nothing as far as she can tell.

“Just open the door Sebastian,” she orders having had enough of him calling out for help. 

He whirls around. “Yes, Laura. I have been withholding that as an option of getting out,” he snaps back. There’s a lot of mumbled German under his breath as his fingers run over the edges of the sealed door.

“You know what, I’m banning German in here.” She waves at the space around them, “This is a German free space.”

He looks over his shoulder and immediately curses in French directly at her. She sucks in her breath and gives him the finger before rubbing her arms up and down, while staring at her feet where her underwear hung off one ankle. Did she dare try again to put those on? She bends down only for Sebastian to grab her.

“Stand up,” he sighs in frustration as he helps her tackle her underwear.

“I can do it,” she huffs as he yanks them up her legs.

“You’re going to freeze if we don’t get out of here,” he states trying to yank the shirt down to cover more of her bare legs.

“It’s fine. We’ll just wait here for Daniel to come and save us. He’s going to get annoyed if he doesn’t get cake.” She chews her lip because if he dares falls asleep and forgets about her, leaving her trapped in with Sebastian she was going to kill him.

“What are you doing?” She tries and fails to shove him away when he grabs her arms and backs her against the door. “Do not try anything Sebastian.”

“The moment’s gone Aston,” he assures her. “Stand there. Far away from the fan so you don’t freeze to death.” He looks her up and down. “In that.” He makes it out that he’s unimpressed with her outfit.

She crosses her arms as Sebastian goes to see what’s around them. “Don’t mock my outfit,” she huffs. “You liked it well enough moments ago.”

He glares at her, though she doesn’t miss his face flush... “Stop talking.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.” She wasn’t listening to anything he says. Especially now when this was somehow his fault, she just had to work out how to blame him. All she knows at this point, is the next time she goes to get cake in the middle of the night she was going to wear a lot more layers than this.

Laura silently eyes Sebastian while he grabs a box to stand on and then begins to poke at the fan in the back wall that was ensuring it felt like fucking Antarctica. She wants to ask what he’s doing but her curiosity could die because she wasn’t going to talk to him and instead watches as he searches for things to shove in the fan. She opens her mouth when grabs the wedding topper of Miles and Molly’s wedding cake and then shoves it into the venting of the fan. She winces at the sound of it clunking around before it jams, squealing loudly in protest before there’s silence. The fan dead.

“I can’t believe you destroyed that,” she mutters as he jumps down and sits on the box to take off his shoes.

“Yeah well, at least cold air isn’t blowing on us while we wait for Daniel to rescue us when he decides he wants sex with you.”

Laura rolls her eyes, banging her head on the door. “Trust me, he wants the cake.” Why couldn’t she be trapped with someone else,. Anybody else. She only looks back at him when a sock hits her chest.

“Put them on,” he tells her. “So your feet don’t turn blue and drop off.”

“You’re taking this all very seriously Macgyver.”

“Who?” Sebastian was putting on his shoes back on, frowning at her reference.

“MacGyver? You don’t know who MacGyver is?” She stares at him in disbelief. “The guy that saves the world with paper clips and shoe laces and hates guns?” There’s nothing but a blank look being given to her. “It’s an eighties TV show. My mother was obsessed with him.” She purses her lips at the comment, hating that her mother worked her way in there.

“Why don’t you ever talk about her?” The question catches her off guard and she shakes her head not answering that for him. Instead she begins to sink to the ground, prepared to sit on the floor and wait. Only it results in Sebastian hurriedly tell her not to sit on the cold ground - it will speed up hypothermia. If he was going to be Mr-know-it-all right now… He offers her another box when she refuses to share his. No matter how cold she is right now, she’d rather freeze to death in this tiny room that wasn’t even as big as Lillian’s wardrobe than share body heat with Sebastian.

There’s silence after that. A lot of silence. So much silence she wishes crickets were present so there was something other than them sitting opposite each other breathing and waiting. Crickets don’t seem like the cold though, a lot like her. She notes that Sebastian goes to speak a few times but he never actually says anything, thank fuck. She doesn’t want a conversation, she just wants Daniel to come and save her. And just her. Sebastian can stay and wait for his dumb date to save him.

Sebastian clears his throat. “Maybe we should talk?”

Great, he finally found his fucking balls. “I’m not talking to you.”

“About New Year’s Lau…”

“I told you not to call me that!” It’s yelled loud enough that it echoes around them.

“Right….” Sebastian licks his lips. “It’s not that I don’t have feelings -”

“Why can’t you shut up!” She interrupts him because she doesn’t want to talk about this at all, and holy shit, her anger was flooding in now. Her nostrils flare as she welcomes it, let’s it heat up her insides. “I got it okay. You don’t love me. Whatever. I don’t love you anymore. So we’re done!”

Sebastian shakes his head, face burying in hands, rubbing in frustration. “You don’t seem to get that it’s exactly the opposite. And maybe the problem is I feel too much.”

“Stop talking to me!” she screams then, her throat aches as she adds, “I told you I loved you!” Tears burn in her eyes as she adds quieter, “And you didn’t love me back.” Her voice trembles. “Nothing you say, will  _ ever  _ make that okay.”

Swallowing Sebastian doesn’t quite meet her eyes. “I know, I know and I’m sorry,” he whispers to her. “I’m so fucking sorry.” He looks like he wants to say something else but he doesn’t. He just looks upset. He doesn’t get a right to be upset she didn’t smash his heart.

“Fine, you’re sorry,” she whispers furiously wiping at her eyes before they dared to spill tears. “Just shut up now.”

He only shakes his head. “I -”

“I think we should be silent now.”

“I want you to understand that it wasn’t about how I feel -”

“Jesus christ,” she curses. “Where the fuck is Daniel?” At least it has Sebastian stiffen and she smiles at him sweetly, “We’re going to eat cake and have a lot of sex if you wanted to know.” She takes a lot of joy in watching him fight back the impulse to shout at her. He couldn’t say anything. “Do you want me to give you a running update on all the men I’m going to sleep with this year since I’m not good enough for you?” She was starting to feel better and she adds, “I’m going to practice being better on all of them.”

“You know very well that is not what this is about,” he snaps at her furiously. “Fuck! All I want Laura -”

She ignores him. “I had a lovely date with Mark after testing. I wonder how he’s schedule looks in Melbourne…” she pretends to muse at the thought. At least while she worked him up she was forgetting she was more undressed than dressed in this cold hell. 

“I said no at New Year’s because I loved you!” His voice rings around them loudly, his declaration echoing and making her go very still. Sebastian drags in a deep breath, “I didn’t want everything to be ruined because we don’t know how to just…  _ be _ .” He looks at her imploringly. “No one Laura,  _ no one  _ makes me feel what you make me feel. No one makes me do the things you make me do. Do you get that?” he asks her desperately. “Do you get that I’m not some jealous psycho who can’t control himself?”

She shakes her head at him in disbelief. He loved her. And he has the nerve to tell her now?  _ Months _ later? “That’s a fucking cop out! I can’t make you do anything,” she hisses at him, her chest swelling fast with all the hurt from earlier. “And secondly, you are the most  _ jealous _ asshole I have ever met! You were jealous of Jenson! You were jealous I was a better driver than you -”

“You are not a better driver than me!” he denies viciously. “And this is my point Aston! All we fucking do is fight and argue! And what I want is  _ more _ . I want  _ everything _ with you.” 

The way he says the word  _ everything _ , the emotion and pleading in his eyes for her to understand…. Maybe she should be worried there was a limited oxygen supply because she feels like she can’t breathe. He wants everything? “Everything? Marriage, babies?”

He ignores her question as her heart hammers furiously. “I just… I want to do it better.”

“Better…” she repeats the word. Could he be more vague? She’s not sure she understood that any better now then she did then.

“I want us to be better,” he implores her to understand. She understands nothing..  “I’m sorry about New Years’.” He gets nothing in response, but it wasn’t like he was answering her questions. “I - Lau don’t think I don’t want you. Please don’t think that. And don’t think that I don’t love you… because there’s no one I have loved more than I love you. Then. Now.” He drops his head down as he chews his lip before words begin to rush out. “I love you, I love you so fucking much, please don’t think that I don’t ever.”

Her tears are back, because how can he really be saying this to her now, and not when she stood on his front step and poured out everything to him… when on New Years’ she would have given anything to hear those words. And now…. She shakes from the cold, pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes not sure how to even begin to process this. And the worse thing was, that the ‘I love you’ she was desperate for, does nothing to ease the well of pain she’d be in ever since he turned her down. In fact maybe this hurt a whole lot more… 

“I’m so scared Lau, that I made the wrong choice.” He leans closer to her, trying to cover the distance between them. “I wanted to make the right choice, for us to be better… And then I think if it was the right choice should it hurt this much? Why is doing the right thing mean I don’t have what I want?” 

She drops her hands, meets his gaze that looks like he feels as much pain as she does. He loves her, the concept is foreign, she’d been so sure he didn’t. He wants to be with her. He wants to do things better, for them to be better. “I don’t know,” she tells him honestly. “Maybe because you did make the wrong choice?” She shrugs trying to remove the lump in her throat as he looks at her crushed. “You want to do things better, whatever that means, but not together? Like do you have  _ any _ idea what that even means?”

Sebastian opens his mouth but nothing comes out, seemingly unable to give an answer.

“What is better? Not fighting? Me not being a bitch? You not losing your shit if I am in any way with someone else? Is better me wearing a Ferrari shirt? Or maybe it’s me not racing?” She vents her frustration as she wipes at her cheeks from her tears. “All you can tell me is ‘better’? And you know what? That is the worst reasoning.  _ You  _ made the  _ wrong  _ choice.” 

And with those words see Sebastian’s face crumples, once more buried away in his hands as she wraps her arms around herself, telling herself she wasn’t going to fully breakdown and cry right now. She wasn’t shedding anymore tears about this as more tears slip free. And she doesn’t care if she’s breaking him right now, because he broke her first. That only her screw her eyes shut realising that was exactly the problem between them - so much competitiveness.  _ Fuck _ . She curses because he was right, there was a need for them to be…  _ better. _

They’re back to silence and with it comes a bone chilling coldness that Laura isn’t sure is completely from the cold room they were stuck in. It stretches as they wait and she shivers furiously. 

“Come here,” he tells her softly.

She raises her gaze from the floor where she was trying to wriggle her toes in his socks, worried that she was losing feeling in her feet. 

He holds out his hand. “You’re cold. Come here,” he repeats.

The temptation to refuse, to give him the finger, take the opportunity to crush him some more… but his eyes are wet like her own, his expression pained… and she was getting so cold. She stares at the hand he offered before she stood up and covered the distance between them, bypassing the hand. “We’re not okay,” she tells him quietly.

“Okay,” he nods, gingerly placing a hand on her hip and lightly tugging her down to sit in his lap.

She sits, arms flailing about not sure where to put them, leaving it to Sebastian to position them around his neck, maneuver her flush to him, holding her tightly. There’s warmth, well he’s warmer than she is, like clothes helped or something. She pushes her face into his shoulder, trying not to breathe him in as he rubbed her bare thighs that were wrapped around him trying to generate heat.

Sebastian’s not quite so subtle, nuzzling her neck, breathing her in deeply, apparently willing to blatantly take everything in this moment. “We’re going to do it better Lau,” he whispers in her ear. “So don’t run too far away…”

The words have her cling to him tighter, and it has her swallow because it eases some of the painful rock in her stomach. Maybe he takes her silence as a sign it was okay to keep talking, hands moving in circles, arguably too slow to create friction, but she likes it.

“We’re going to get there,” he promises, and a soft kiss is pushed to her jaw. “And we’re going to do it right…” Great. She can’t wait to see what  _ right _ and  _ better  _ looked like. “Please don’t hate me.”

His breath is hot, and there’s another kiss pushed to her skin, gentle and light. Her hand reaches to touch the back of his head as she murmurs, “I don’t hate you.” If she hated him that would make things so much simpler. He squeezes her so tightly at that, face pressed to her shirted shoulder that grows suspiciously damp. She shouldn’t have opened her mouth, it has teeth start chattering and she can’t stop it and it starts a proper terrifying thought if they are stuck in her for a few hours that it could very well, be a very bad thing. Even a fully clothed Sebastian is shivering…

  
  


Sebastian had nearly nodded off while gripping Laura tightly in his lap. She’d fallen asleep, some time ago. She feels like ice in his arms but he doesn’t let her go. He never wants to let her go. He was going to have a quick nap and then try the door again…

The door pushing open is what has Sebastian snap his eyes open and for a second time he was staring at a confused looking Ben. “Okay, this time I have to ask,” he states as a greeting, blinking at the sight in front of him.

“Please don’t,” Sebastian asks before Ben steps forward and away from the door. “Stop! The door closes.”

Ben hurriedly reaches to hold the door open, frowning at it. “This seems like a poor design,” he comments as Sebastian tries to rouse Laura. “Good thing there’s an emergency button.”

Sebastian who had gotten to his feet, dragging a grumbling Laura with him to the warmth of the kitchen, stares at the red light above the door he had activated. “It’s not very helpful,” he mutters. 

“Well I did see it,” Ben argues reaching for Laura. “Holy shit,” he says as he takes a hold of her, face full of worry and panic as he hugs her. “Maybe we should call emergency services. She’s so cold…”

Sebastian strokes Laura’s head as she greedily hugs at Ben, seeking heat, complaining she was freezing. He’ll be jealous about that later, and instead kisses her icy cheek. “We’ll wrap her up, put her in front of the fire…” He swallows because Laura was fine. “How long since…” he glances at the kitchen counter.

“A couple of hours, no more than two. I couldn’t sleep,” Ben explains. And when they’re in front of the fire, in the large living room, Laura was once more in his lap, Ben goes to get them blankets. Sebastian passes out before he even returns.

 

Sebastian wakes to a tiny body crawling on him, little hands pushing at his face. Opening his eyes he sees Ella beaming at him. He reaches up to shift her next to him so he can roll over without her toppling over. He rolls towards the body next to him,  _ Laura,  _ his head buzzes happily in recognition as she shifts to cuddles both him and Ella.

His brain catches up with him though, and his eyes snap open to see Laura sleeping next to him, both piled under blankets, Ella now between them, curiously pulling at the many layers over them. And as realisation filters in, memories of last night flood back he becomes aware of noise around him. Talking, footsteps, plates and cutlery. His eyes widen in horror because it was morning and… He rolls away from Laura to see that Lillian and Daniel were eating breakfast on the couch near them. Ben and his wife were in the distance helping themselves to a buffet breakfast…. 

“Oh look who’s up,” Daniel beams at him. “Morning sleepyhead.”

Lillian gives him no such greeting, and he stumbles to his feet. “Uh...hey.” He glances at Laura who snores softly and pulls at the blankets he had left, Ella crawling after him and chasing his shoelaces. Did no one want to wake him? Was everyone just milling around while they slept? His face heats up. “So there’s an explanation…”

“Oh we know,” Daniel tells him. “Ben filled us all in.” Sebastian freezes glancing at Ben wondering exactly how much was said about last night and his face only goes redder.

“I need a shower…” he mutters. He wants away from them all, Daniel sniggering after him, Lillian looking she wants to murder him. But even in his room, he’s not alone. He can’t even muster a smile for Heidi.

“You’re up,” she says from where she was trying to pack up his things. There was a set of clothes already pulled out for him. “You feeling okay? Ben said you spent like two hours in a freezer…” Her eyes are freckled with concern and relief.

“Yeah. Just tired…” 

“Laura okay?”

“I think so… she was snoring…” She also felt warm and if they weren’t surrounded by an audience he’d still be tucked up with her.

Heidi relaxes and then pats his clothes. “We are meant to be out of here in like an hour. Go shower. Maybe you’ll feel better,” she encourages. “I can get you a plate of food if you like?”

He stares at her before moving to take the clothes and kisses her cheek. “Thanks.”

“Pleased you’re okay.” She gives him an apologetic look. “I would have woken you if I had found you first by the way.” He looks at her awkwardly. “But Molly was so excited about you two maybe like sorting things out. And then Daniel was there taking photos.”

“Fuck,” he pushes his face into his clothes.

“And well, I just figured maybe it would better if you just slept?”

“How many photos? Please tell me there’s none on Instagram,” he pleads with her only to have Heidi yank out her phone and show him the new background she had set. A selfie of her and Daniel while they leaned up against he and Laura asleep on the ground and very much cuddling. She giggles just looking at it. Daniel was fast going down the list of people he liked.

Heidi puts away the phone, and looking at him expectantly. “So, did you two sort things out?”

“Remove the background and I’ll tell you,” he snaps at her annoyed. She was meant to be on his side and  _ his  _ date. 

“But it’s a nice photo…” she looks sad and he doesn’t miss her fingers graze the image of Daniel. He feels jealousy prickle. “He gave me his number,” she adds.

He didn’t want to hear this. And he doesn’t care if they were just here as friends. She wasn’t meant to be flirting and exchanging numbers with Daniel.  “I’m having a shower and then we’re leaving.” He stomps into the bathroom. He can’t wait to go home. 

 

Dressed, and with the last of his things packed, he sucks it up to go back downstairs and eat. Only he stops when he walks out of his room running into Laura wrapped in a blanket apparently awake and looking as if she had to endure the same looks and snickers he had.

“Thanks for waking me,” she snaps at him.

“Trust me, it was too late at that point,” he mutters. “You feeling okay?”

“No.” She points downstairs. “They’re all talking about us,” she hisses. “If Daniel has photos…”

“Good to see you’re back to your chipper self,” he cuts her off, and he means it, and he gives her a small smile, it has her fall quiet, swallow and look away from him.  Yeah, things were not perfect, and things weren’t magically okay, but they weren’t in the shit either. “If I don’t see you downstairs, I’ll see you in Melbourne?” He doesn’t think, he reaches for her hand, stroking her fingers.

For a moment, she lets him play with them, before her hand is pulled away, tucked under her other arm. “About last night -” she starts.

“It’s okay, I know we’re not okay. That’s fine because you don’t hate me.” He smiles because that was a step up from where they started the weekend. “And we’re going to be better.”

He’s given a tight smile in response. “See you in Melbourne.” She moves past him then, to her own room and he waits till she’s vanished from sight before he turns and heads downstairs. They might not be okay, but they were better than yesterday, and he could wait, he could work on being better in the meantime. He rubs his chest, he feels better. Maybe being locked in a tiny cold room for a few hours was a good thing.

And in a week they will be in Melbourne, starting another season. He was looking forward to it. He was looking forward to seeing her again.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I got a little stuck but I finally am back on the writing train. I know I have comments to answer to, will do that tonight. But wanted to post this and apologise for the delay. Good news is, I have next week's chapter all ready to go.
> 
> PS. No one shall mention Canada in the comments. As far as I'm concerned, that race didn't happen. Just like most of the race sthis season.

 

“How was your flight?”

“Long,” Laura replies to Lillian and thinking about her flight has her eyes flick towards the bed in her suite she had just checked into. “I wish you’d come.” Lillian’s travel to races would be limited with her ongoing treatment. “You get back the results from the testing yet?” 

“Nope,” LIllian replies. “I guess these things take time.”

“Hmmm,” Laura responds. She can’t help the part of her that has a lot of distrust in certain aspects with Lillian’s health. Something she hadn’t been aware existed after last year till things had shifted to a better place. It’s only now, with the testing for kidney transplant compatibility that she finds herself doubting things - doubting her sister. Lillian might be coming from a place of love with worry that things impact her career but she seemed to miss the part where those things were her own decision.

“Anyway,” Lillian brushes off the conversation, “You feeling okay?”

“With what? Being here?” Thinking about where she was immediately sees a finger fly to her lips, teeth nibble at a nail. Yep, she’d conquered no bad habits as yet as she feels her chest clench as her mind edges towards the past.

“Yeah. And I guess you and Seb had a big talk at the wedding…”

Laura spits out her finger. “I’m not worried about Seb. We have an agreement for space. So don’t get worked up about that.” No nerves or need to ruin her nails quicker over Sebastian. He wanted to do things better, that was fine. She going to do it with mountains of space between them. Even if he wasn’t quite on the same page and had texted her asking how she was.

“Space?” Lillian scoffs. “Please, you two suck at that.”

Laura rolls her eyes. “I know your feelings. Sebastian and I will set professional and respectful boundaries. I have no intentions of going there.” Thinking about Seb has her chest hurt and she rubs at her heart with a very different world of emotions from moments earlier. He’d told her he loved her, he wanted her…. And yet they’re not together. Her mood slips as her head whirls through their conversation in the cold room, almost forgetting that she was on the phone to Lillian and meant to be unpacking shit for tomorrow.

“I think space will be good for you both,” Lillian chimes in breaking her spiral of Seb thoughts. “And I mean that sincerely.” She does sound surprisingly genuine.

“Mmmm.” She hopes they can end this portion of their conversation as her phone buzzes with a text and she grins when she reads it. “I’m going to go.”

“Who’s texting you?” Lillian asks curiously. “Don’t go make new friends without me,” she pouts.

“Go out, make a friend.”

“My friends were all male,” she reminds Laura. “Kimi wouldn’t like that.”

Laura rolls her eyes. “Well if he’s not your boyfriend why does he get a say in that?” She grins at the silence on the line. “Bye Lil.”

“Have an early night and rest up.”

“Text me if you get my results.”

They end the call and Laura immediately opens the text message up to respond and say she’ll join him in shortly. She needed a shower to spark some life into her. 

 

Twenty minutes later she’s bounding towards Daniel. At least he looks as tired as she felt. Though hers was flight and travel induced. Her teammate on the other hand is suffered from doing all the additional promo work today. She starts tomorrow. She does get a giant smile from him though, his eyes brightening up.

“I figured,” Daniel says still sounding way too chirpy for how tired he appeared. “I can take you to dinner. Try and woo you…”

“Get into my pants?” Laura laughs allowing him to links his arm through hers.

“I may have fallen asleep, let you nearly freeze to death with your arch-nemesis-turned-lover-turned-we-can’t-talk-about-him-now, but I feel like dinner and alcohol will square us up.”

She can only snort at him. “I feel alcohol should stay off the table.”

“What? So you don’t nearly have sex with Sebastian again?” She freezes at that and he giggles like a girl. “Ben and I chatted. I quite like Ben.”

She snatches her arm back. “You two are both gossips. Don’t talk to him.”

Daniel sticks out his lip, “But we exchanged numbers and he promised to call me...”

“Shut up now.” She orders as she stalks out the front doors, ignoring the fans and rolling her eyes at Daniel stopping to take a selfie with someone. Ah, work, it’s good to be back.

* * *

Sebastian had, without putting much thought into it, accepted Molly’s invitation to dinner. He landed in Melbourne that day ahead of press duties for this weekend’s race, and Molly had been honeymooning with Miles in Australia. He should have realised that dinner with Molly would now come with Miles attached. Now he didn’t have a problem with Miles perse... it was more…grimacing, he snatches up his water, fork dropping down loudly as he drinks to not sigh loudly at the sight of them giggling together. 

The whole giddy-in-love show he was being subjected to right now was killing his appetite. He was pleased Molly was happy, but did he really need to watch them hold hands, feed each other playfully, practically sit in each other’s lap...All this was a reminder of his very single status and his apparent stupidity to tell the girl he was in love with her, “I love you too’ when it mattered most.

“Do you think we were like that?” 

Sebastian blinks and looks at Ben and Sophie that had joined them for dinner as well. It should be a comfort he wasn’t experiencing this alone, Ben didn’t look anymore impressed than he did, Sophie on the other hand looked somewhere between jealous and understanding as she cuddled Ella - her babysitter for the last week and up until the end of the race weekend.

“We were not like that,” Ben answers flatly.

Molly and Miles thankfully pull away from each other. “You’re probably remembering it wrong,” Miles responds defensively, finally managing to find a moment to not touch each other.

_ Good _ . Is Sebastian’s thought, and maybe at some point, he won’t be so sore about this shit. 

“I might not have been around as much when you were wooing Sophie,” Miles continues. “But with Laura, you were like a lovesick puppy.”

Sebastian slams his glass to the table, loudly. Sophie’s follows moments after. Apparently neither of them wanted flashbacks on that relationship.

“Are you sure you don’t mind watching Ella while Miles and I are busy tomorrow?” Molly asks brightly, deciding to interject with a new subject, cutting off whatever Ben’s response was.

“It’s fine,” Sophie forces a smile, kissing Ella’s cheek. “She’s been so great.”

“Yeah,” Miles mutters, “You didn’t spend the previous six months working on getting her to sleep through the night.”

There’s more talk of Ella and her sleep routines and Sebastian tunes out the conversation, beginning to clock watch and see when he can excuse himself. Maybe he’ll squeeze in a workout? Or text Laura again, not that she had responded to his earlier one, but he could try again… check in. Be friendly and supportive. That would be okay. Right?

A phone brightens and vibrates on the table. It’s not his. Ben snatching up his and a smile on his face. “Daniel invited me to drinks,” he comments as he responds while Sophie shakes her head and goes back to wrestling cutlery from Ella’s hands.

“Daniel?” Sebastian repeats straightening up.

“You mind if I cut things short, catch up with him and Lau?” Ben was already on his feet, apparently happy for an excuse to leave.

“Maybe I’ll join you?” Sebastian rushes out, much to the raised eyebrows and questioning expressions of the other. Maybe he should have thought about phrasing that differently. “Daniel and I get along.”

Molly snorts loudly, Ella perking up at the unexpected noise from her mother. “Yeah, Daniel and you are so close,” she scoffs. 

“It wasn’t Daniel you were getting close to post-wedding reception,” Ben mutters. “Hang on…”

“Can we not talk about the wedding,” Sebastian snaps at them.

“What? I didn’t say anything?” Molly says innocently, back to leaning and pressing into Miles who was staring at him hard, and he feels his face heat up under his gaze.

“Right I’m off. And Seb…” Ben holds up his phone and while he can’t read the screen he can see a lot of large letters. “Laura said no to you joining us. And I summarised because of the child present.”

He sucks in his breath watching as Ben kissed his wife before he walked out. He glares after him. Right, so he and Laura weren’t as okay as he wished they were. He was still going to text her as he crosses his arms annoyed.

 

*

 

Laura tries hard to suppress her extreme dislike for today’s activities. Cricket on the beach with Dan. God, why did she have to do any PR work? Why couldn’t Daniel do all of it? And she knows she shouldn’t complain, after all this was day one for her, and for Daniel it had been non-stop for twice as long. But she’s far from in the mood for any of this. 

She glances at her brother next to her who seemed to be distracted from the moment he had arrived. If he was texting Molly… she crosses her arms and glares at him silently. Wasn’t his head meant to be back in the game now? He’d been distracted all morning. It was grating on her nerves, she doesn’t need to be his priority, she just needed his head in the game. She glances at Daniel who was chatting with his PR rep, newly assigned this year. And for a newbie, she was doing better than her brother.

“Heads up Aston!”

She blinks as a cricket ball hurtle towards on the beach. She barely managed to duck the ball that was aimed right at her face. She glares at him. 

“Come play with me,” he pouts. 

She spins to grab the ball that had bounced into the sand. She puts all her strength into the throws, pegging it as him, before smiling in satisfaction when she gets him in the leg making him yelp.

“Aston! We can play nice!”

“I don’t play nice,” she snaps at him.

“What crawled up your bum?” Miles asks, finally managing to tear his eyes from his phone. She ignores the comment and shifts towards Dan, forcing a smile on her face and read to get this over and done with.

 

Cricket is followed by a photoshoot, followed by filming a TV advertisement for Australian television before meeting back up with Daniel for an event to schmooze sponsors. She’d barely gotten a chance to eat today at all, she’d skipped lunch with all the running around. Phil can murder her later for that, it wasn’t exactly a choice she made. And now she found herself staring at plates of food with much too tiny services floating around her.

“So…” Daniel appears at her side, distracting her before she can swipe food passing by. She glares at him as he beams at her. “I think Heidi and I are going to have a date.”

“Sebastian isn’t going to like that,” Laura snaps at him. She was probably verging on hangry territory now.

Daniel frowns. “Why? He wasn’t interested.”

“Not the point. He’s a jealous asshole.”

“That you’re madly in love with,” Daniel whispers leaning into her.

She stiffens at the comment. “Working on getting over that,” she mutters. It would help if Sebastian stopped texting her. He texted her every morning to wish her a good day, and then every evening to say goodnight. At least he had abandoned asking her to catch up. Apparently Sebastian didn’t know what space was. 

“How’s your new chick working out for you?” She was changing the subject.

“Nat?” Daniel shrugs. “Fine.”

“I see we’re on nickname basis. Suppose that means she hasn’t fucked up yet.”

“Well I’m not planning on running her off her feet like you did with Jack last year.”

Laura grins at the memory. “At least make her call you Mr Riccardo.” She winces when she sees Christian waving her over. She sighs, as Daniel seems to conveniently dart away, successfully stealing food as he does, while her stomach grumbles in protest. She trudges towards Christian. She can barely plaster a smile on her face.

  
  


“I quit Lil.” Laura groans into the phone, lying face first on the bed. 

“You can’t quit,” Lillian tells her. “And you always say this. It’s Wednesday. On Sunday you’ll love your job again.”

“I can quit. I am quitting,” Laura mopes. “Miles fucked off somewhere this evening. I think he had dinner with Molly. Meanwhile, I had to starve and smile.”

“It can’t be that bad Lau. Tomorrow you’ll be at the circuit!” She tries to sound positive.

“Yeah, for a press conference and a shit ton of interviews.”

“You’ll be fine,” Lillian assures her. “You sleeping okay?”

No. She slept horribly last night, that probably wasn’t helping her mood. But maybe lack of sleep last night will mean she will sleep better tonight? 

“You could ask Phil for some sleeping pills if needed,” Lillian continues.

“It’s fine,” she mutters rolling over onto her back. She didn’t want to take pills. She stares at the ceiling above her, eyes following the swirling patterns in the plastered ceiling. “Did you do dialysis today?”

She closes her eyes as Lillian breaks into sharing her day with her. And it’s a nice distraction. And by the time they wrap up their chat, it was time for bed. She hesitates when she sees the new text message from Sebastian that had come through while she’d been on the phone to her sister. 

_ Happy dreams. See you tomorrow. xx _

She rubs her thumb against the screen. Maybe she should reply… She blinks at the memory of New Years that filters back through, a reminder of the reason why they weren’t okay. She hurriedly moves to put her phone on charge for the night before getting ready for bed.

 

*

 

“Look Aston,” Daniel says excitedly as Laura follows behind him to take her place in the press conference. “You get to sit next to Seb.”

Sebastian was pleased to see Laura send a jabbing punch in his back. But the Red Bull driver only laughs taking his seat on the end, and Sebastian grabs the headset to put on as Laura sits to his right, Lewis joining on the left. Officially the weekend was starting as he looks at the press assembling in front of him.

He can barely hide his smile as she swears furiously at Daniel, hand over the microphone about his comments and keeping his mouth shut. He wonders if he should add his own thoughts as he grabs his drink bottle and tucks it away out of sight. Instead his gaze drifts to Laura drilling her fingers on the desk in annoyed silence, glaring at the press.

“Okay Aston this is where you smile…” Daniel reminds her.

Sebastian smirks when he’s given the finger, a scowl settling in deeper. Well she might be working on the ‘better’ but it was good to see she hadn’t changed. He hastily wipes his face back to neutral when she shifts her gaze at him. Maybe not quick enough, but at least he catches her hand before there are more gestures made in front of photographers.

“Come on Aston, we’re being nicer this year,” he tells her brightly lowering her hand below the table, and out of sight.

Lewis makes a comment about their being more press than ever, not allowing Aston to come back with whatever her grumpy response would be. There are a few minutes of small talk with Lewis he doesn’t really remember, instead he continues to grip Laura’s finger tightly between them, stopping her from yanking it free.

The noise around them begins to quieten, and Laura only stiffens, straightening up, most likely preparing for an onslaught of questions and comments over last season’s battle and her loss. He rubs the pad of his thumb along her finger in comfort and for a moment she falters, softening slightly till the questions start and they hit hard.

Laura’s targeted on her relationship with Daniel, her relationship with the team following comments and rumours of friction, and asked about her loss and relationship with Sebastian, and moving forward. He squeezes her finger in comfort because he had been there, he’d done this. When they were teammates, he had his own loss to Lewis, he had to sit here last year and endure the same thing. 

She breezes through them, answering as if none of it phased her, he’s not sure he’d call her answers PR approved because she was taking a Kimi approach - answering with as few words as possible. He supposes that was one way to deal with it….

“Sebastian, did you want to add anything in regards to your relationship with Laura moving forward? There’s no denying that things were tense last year.”

Sebastian shrugs. “Aston and I will continue to have a professional relationship where required, but I hope we’ll work on being better.” He regrets the choice of word the moment it leaves his mouth, Laura yanking her hand so hard and fast from his grip that it flies up and whacks the underside of the table, the thud more than audible, but thankfully her microphone muted to drown out her curse as she winces.

They’d now grabbed the attention of Lewis and Daniel, who were trying to see what was going on as Sebastian hastily puts both of his hands on the desk.. He can only plough on, adding, “I mean it would be nice to get through a season not hitting each other. I think that would be a step up.” There’s chuckling at that but he only sighs as Laura shifts to give him her shoulder and increase the space between them.

 

When they’re done, he hastily moves to keep up with Laura. “Can we talk?” he asks her hopefully the moment the mics are killed. He ignores the death look he gets. “Please Lau,” he hastily adds, “- ra.”

“Not now,” she mutters, as Daniel waggles his eyebrows at her and skips out with Lewis ahead. “I have so much press shit on.” There was an edge back in her voice, nails jammed in her teeth, and he reaches over and pulls her hand down.

Her nails look horrendous. “You want to do dinner?” He gives her a shaky smile, face heating up and he suddenly feels awkward and nervous.

She cocks her head at him. “I have an autographing session,” she mutters tucking her hand behind her back.

He smiles a little. “That’s not a no.” He watches as she rolls her eyes and walks backwards to Miles.

“It wasn’t a yes,” she tells him bluntly.

“But it’s not a no and I can live with that,” he shrugs following her. He glances up at Molly who was leaning on the wall next to Miles, neither of them paying any attention to their semi-public conversation.

Laura wallops her brother across the head as she walks passed. Molly joins him as he brings his drink bottle straw to his lips, keeping his gaze on Laura’s retreating form. 

“You should give her space,” Molly tells him as she looks at their schedule.

“I am.”

“You’re not,” Molly argues with a sigh.

He ignores her, only to wince when Laura ahead is joined by a certain British driver, arm slinging around her neck as she walked. Fucking Jenson Button Why hadn’t he retired yet?

*

“You’re really serious?”

Laura stops brushing her teeth at Daniel watching her get ready for bed. “You said yes,” she frowns as he looks her up and down wearing nothing but a large t-shirt.  _ His _ shirt.

“I know,” he grabs at the data from practice one she had brought over as an excuse to see him tonight, so she had a reason to ask him if she could stay. He freezes. “Is that my toothbrush?”

She stops brushing. “I forgot mine.” She pulls out the brush. “We were going to have sex, what’s wrong with me using your toothbrush?”

Daniel holds up his hands. “That’s yours now. Sorry, but there are some things we are not sharing.”

She rolls her eyes and returns to brushing her teeth and heading back to the bathroom. She’s exhausted. After two nights of terrible sleep, too much press, being reminded she lost on an hourly basis and so-so practice sessions she really just wanted a goodnight’s sleep. So she’d asked Daniel if she could stay in the hopes to avoid her nightmares. She figures he was a better choice than Sebastian, but since Daniel said yes, she didn’t have to deal with asking her only other viable alternative.

Ten minutes later they’re crawling into bed. “If you’re snore Aston,” Daniel warns shutting off the light. Pulling up the sheets, she doesn’t comment because snoring was the least of her worries. “Did you ask your brother?” Daniel asks out of curiosity.

She frowns in the darkness. “Miles doesn’t feel here.” She’s not sure how else to phrase that. Her brother was wrapped up in Molly, and today Ella was at the track with Ben and Sophie. It’s the first time it felt like Miles wasn’t really there for her. She wonders if that would be how things were now. She suddenly wasn’t the priority in his life, he had a wife and a kid… It’s not jealousy that stabs at her, it’s loneliness. 

She tries not to wince when Daniel spoons up behind her. “What? I like to cuddle,” he mutters. “Did you ask Ben?”

“And what do i say? Move over Sophie?” she snorts in the darkness and she can feel Daniel smile against her shoulder. 

“Okay, yeah. I see the issue there.” There’s a moment of silence, it unfortunately doesn’t last when Daniel asks in his horrid German accent, “But what about our favourite German?”

Laura’s breath catches at the thought of Seb. “Well getting in bed with you means we don’t have sex.”

“And getting into bed with Seb gets you laid,” Daniel responds knowingly. 

“Just shut up,” Laura snaps. “If I want sex, I’ll see Seb. I just want to sleep. I’m tired.” 

“Okay,’ Daniel squeezes her hard. “I’ll wake you up for a walk of shame in the morning.”

“I’m going to beat you to death in a minute,” she warns.

“Night Lau.”

She says nothing, and instead slams her eyes closed and waits for sleep. Hopefully a dreamless night of sleep.

*

When Laura arrives at the track, it’s alone, with no Ben, no Daniel, not even Miles. In fact it feels oddly quiet and empty. She walks towards Red Bull, spies Miles off to the side with Molly, and she’s given a glance, and while she raises her hand in a half wave, forces a smile, he doesn’t join her. She drops her hand and hurries to Red Bull trying not to let it bite at her that he was caught up with Molly. Weren’t they on the clock now?

She blinks, finding herself standing amongst the team in the motorhome before Christian is in front of her. Squeezing her shoulders tightly. “Laura,” he smiles brightly at her. “You should have told me you had guests this weekend.”

She frowns. Guests? Was he talking about Ben? Christian though, doesn’t let her answer, an arm around her shoulders, squeezing her tightly as he guides her through the motorhome.

“I spent all morning talking to you mother.”

Laura’s lips part, the world rushing in from every side as she stills. She goes to speak, but her throat has closed up, no noise possible and there’s nothing but panic pumping through her veins. 

“We had tea together, she was telling me about…”

She blinks, Christian’s voice fading away as her heart pounds in her chest, eyes darting around the motorhome, for Miles, for Lillian as she comes to a stop, her feet weighted. She can’t breathe, doubling over as Christian vanish from her side and instead Daniel’s in front of her, smiling brightly.

“Come on Aston, we have a race, you need to get changed!”

She had to race? She doesn’t even remember where she qualified. She feels dizzy, the team around her gone and she looks over Daniel’s shoulder, her mother standing there, watching her. “Where’s Miles?” she asks and she turns to see him outside, playing with Ella.

“Laura, you have to get changed!” Daniel tells her again, this time rushing away, leaving her alone and she tries to move after him, but she feels slow and sluggish. Did her mother come alone? What if she wasn’t alone? 

“Miles!” She calls for her brother. He doesn’t even look up, as if he can’t hear her. “Miles!” she cries out. No matter how far she moved, she didn’t seem to get closer to the door. “Miles!” Her brother though turns away, arm around Molly as he heads to the pits and this time she screams for him but he doesn’t stop, doesn’t turn back.

The panic and fear have wrapped around her heart, her throat, strangling her from the inside. She can no longer breathe, or move. She squeezes her eyes closed, this is a dream, it’s just a dream. She’ll wake up in a minute, she needs to wake up.

“Laura.” Her eyes to snap open, warm hands sliding to gently hold her face, concerns blue eyes that she knew staring at her. “You have to get changed,” Sebastian murmurs. 

Her hands reach for him, grasping him the red overalls he wore tightly. “Don’t leave me,” she gasps.

“Never,” he whispers. He kisses her. “I love you.”

He takes her hand, pulling her towards her driver’s room. “You have to get changed,” he repeats. 

“I have to race,” she whispers as he opens the door for her. She stares at the room, it was so dark inside. She holds his hand tightly, Sebastian not moving across threshold. “Come with me,” she pleads. She doesn’t want to go in their alone.

“I can’t go back with you,” he tells her. “But I’ll be here.”

Laura glances into the room, chewing her lip nervously.  “You’ll wait for me?”

“Always,” he promises.

Hesitating she drops his hand. “Right there?”

“Right here,” he nods giving her an encouraging smile.

She backs into the darkness. “Don’t go anywhere,” she whispers and Sebastian reaches in to pull the door closed for her. It shuts silently, and with it, all the light disappears from the room. She turns to grab her overalls frowning when there was none there for her to wear.

“Laura.”

Every fibre in her body turns to ice. She knows that voice. She turns around, to see the darkened figure near the door. “You can’t hide from me forever you know.” The hand in the dark reaches out and turns the lock on the door. The simple sound of it clicking into place sending terror through her.

“Sebastian!” she calls out for him, backing away from the door, from  _ him _ . Except this wasn’t her driver’s room, this was now her bedroom and she’s back at home.

“No one’s going to hear, no one ever hears you…”

The shadow in front of her walks towards her, looms over her.

“Sebastian!” she screams. She screams for him, for her brother, for  _ someone _ . Except there’s no one, but her. It was always just her as her screams pierce the darkness, and with no one to hear them, they echo in silence. Long before the hand reaches out and wraps around her throat.

*

Laura jerks awake, gasping for air, feeling like she was being strangled. Daniel was next to her, the arm he had casually thrown across her had slipped and was resting against her throat. She shoves it off her as she sits up hurriedly. She can still feel the fingers on her skin, feel the squeeze as she tries to calm her heart. It was pounding her chest, pushing and circulating cold fear throughout her system.

“Lau?” Daniel asks sleepily. “You okay?”

“Fine,” she whispers hoarsely. Her throat hurt. Did she scream out loud? If she had, surely Daniel would have heard her. She forces herself to lie back down, breathing deeply, in an attempt to calm herself. It wasn’t real, it was just a dream. 

The sheets are damp beneath her from her nightmare. She rolls over to reach for her phone. Three am. Fuck. She groans and pulls a pillow over her head. And even if she was still tired she fights off falling back asleep as long as she can.

She snoozes off and on then until her alarm goes off. She then drags herself to the shower and gets dressed. Daniel is up, in gym gear ready for a workout. She declines his offer to join him, instead slipping out of his room, forcing a smile as she passes Dan’s new PR girl and the startled look on her face as she returns to her own room to dump her things and join Miles for breakfast.

  
* * *


	8. Author Note - going on a break

Hi all.

Sorry, this is not the chapter that you are expecting.

I wanted to let you know that I'm putting my pen down on this so to speak. I'm taking a break. 

When I write, I write for myself. Writing makes me happy. I write  _alot_. I have HUNDREDS of fic/original works all scattered across my hard drives for the last fifteen years. I do not choose to share most of them, and that's because I write for me, I don't write for the reader/you, I just sometimes choose to share what I have done that I think others may enjoy. 

I have spent the last year-ish writing/finishing Dodging the Heat, Between Love and Hate and now Better and Worse. And generally everyone is super encouraging, but sometimes you get a few comments that are probably not said in a way to offend, but they hit a nerve. And to be blunt, they hurt. I don't get paid to write and to be honest, when I'm stressed to the max with work, dealing with extensive health issues and then battling anxiety to post a new chapter every week hoping everyone will like it, and no one will trash it - I don't want to deal with it right now.

So this story is on hold with regards to me posting. Yes I will finish it. I'll see how it goes and if I want to post and share the rest when I'm done.

I'm taking time for myself, I probably need it. And in my free time, I'm going to do what I love. Write. And I'm going to write what I want, how I want when I want. And be free from judgement. 

In the meantime, I encourage you to enjoy the work of other writers, send them love and encouraging messages.

Stay safe, healthy and happy.

If anyone wants to chat/catch up I'm always lurking on Tumblr and I am now on Wattpad where I will continue to post what has been published to date on A03.

 


	9. Head Space

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, since qualifying was shit - and I'm not even watching F1 at the moment, but geez, Tumblr viewing still hurts - I thought maybe I could offer a chapter to ease the pain.  
> I'm still very much on a break and am not offering another any time soon. Though if I continue to offer chapters when Ferrari fuck up, maybe there will be more sooner rather than later. *laughs and then cries*.  
> Hope everyone has been keeping well!

Sebastian stands in the back of the garage, his mechanics working furiously to fix a leak in his car. He already knows he’s not going to make it back in for the rest of final practice. He frowns at the Red Bulls at the top of times, Dan and Aston swapping top place as they set qualifying runs. Both Red Bulls look super quick. They had in testing.

He folds his arms as he looks over at his head mechanic who gives him a shake of his head, confirming they were done or the session. He sets about removing his racing gear, keeping at the back of the garage before slipping out next to Molly to hit the press pen. Positive was he gets an early lunch. 

Antti joins him, Molly skipping off to join Miles to meet up with Ben, Sophie and Ella. He had assumed that Aston would join them, so he’s surprised when she drops into a seat opposite. He can’t help it that his heart lurched happily at the sight of her, that it picked up pace when she stares at him coolly without anger or hate.

“So you broke your car,” she comments.

“Don’t get your hopes up Aston. I’ll still beat you in qualifying.” He grins at her before slapping her hand with his fork when she leans over to pick at his lunch. “If you’re joining us, get your own food.”

“Nope. Lunch with the team. You know, trying to be a  _ better  _ team player.”

He winces at the word. She might not be hating him completely, but they clearly hadn’t fully moved on. He was sure she was saying that just to rub it in his face. He shoots Antti a glance, and his trainer sighs before standing up with his lunch and stalking to another table. “You want to do dinner?”

“Not with you,” she smiles sweetly and he sighs, shoving food in his mouth. “And for the record, I can’t read German, so your text this morning means nothing.”

“You could translate it,” he suggests. It only said rise and shine in German. Maybe he should send her something dirty in German…

“I like English.”

“I’ll keep texting you in German then.”

She glares at him annoyed. “You’re not winning me over.”

“I will,” he smiles at her confidently. And he was, she didn’t have to be here if she didn’t care he’d get the cold shoulder.

She gets to her feet not looking impressed. “French is sexier than German for the record.”

“I’ll text you in French then.” That only seems to infuriate her more and she stomps away at the comment. He grins after her, watching till she disappeared back into the swarm of the paddock. He was considering this all progress.

 

However, his progress stops there, the rest of his Saturday only goes downhill from there. From a shitty practice to a dismal qualifying. He’s only seventh, fucking up both timed laps in what turned out to be a close session. Kimi manages third behind both Red Bulls with Dan on pole. At least there was pace in the car. Too bad he can’t seem to find it.

The scowl that Aston wore in front of the press would have anyone think she qualified behind him. At least he wasn’t the only one unhappy with the day’s performance. And that night, lying alone in bed he texts her in French wishing her a better day tomorrow. He’s surprised he actually gets a response. Grinning at the terrible German that comes through -  _ it will be only if I win _ .

And suddenly he wished she was next to him. Not to fuck, just for her company and to have someone to be miserable with. Even if Aston was in second and had a much better day than he did. 

He missed her.

*

The race is shit and even as Dan swallows her in a hug, bouncing around and overexcited at winning his home race, she finds it hard to not feel very much in second place. He got the better of her in qualifying, and he had driven off into the distance during the race. She felt well and truly beaten and she hates it.

The team are ecstatic, it’s a one-two. The crowd are almost hysterical, they get an Aussie in first place, and an ex-Aussie in second. And despite the atmosphere, she can’t quite manage anything other than forced smiles and generic PR driven responses. And after team photos, Christian is giving her a warning look which only infuriates her further.

She stalks back to the motorhome to change wanting to get out of this godforsaken country. And if there was no press there, it would only be an added bonus. Dressed and waiting for Miles, she’s texting Lillian when a tall figure drops into a seat opposite her. She glances up to see Mark leaning on the table opposite, mouth set in a firm line and looking anything but impressed.

“I’m not doing an interview,” she tells him coldly.

“With the mood you’re in? I don’t want one.”

She hates that his rejection stings and she glances back at her phone, determined to ignore him.

“I’ve come to give you some advice.”

“I don’t want it,” Laura snaps.

“So you didn’t win,” Mark bites back at her, “But you put on a happy face, you support your team. This isn’t you doing things better Laura. This is you doing things exactly the same as last year and none of this attitude is going to help you move on from last season, gather team support or get you a contract renewal.”

She glances back up, the last part having her blink at him. She hadn’t thought too much about her contract. She knows this was her last year contracted to Red Bull, but that was something Miles would look after for the most part. “I’m having a shit weekend.”

He bats away her response. “That’s not an excuse.” His gaze is hard, and she misses the Mark she had dinner with back in testing.

“You need to pull your act together, and losing hurts, trust me, I know that. But this,” he waves at her, “Is not going to do you any favours.”

Laura’s phone buzzes with a new text message and she stares at it for a moment before she flips the phone over and stares at Mark. “You want me to go out with Daniel, celebrate be happy for him?”

“As a bare minimum Laura.”

She sits back in her chair, crossing her arms as she meets his hard gaze. She feels like she’s being told off. She doesn’t like it. “Don’t do me any favours.”

Mark reaches for her phone, snapping it up when it buzzes again. “For once in your life Laura, accept help and advice when it’s offered. Not everyone is against you. I’m offering to be on your side.” When she doesn’t say anything, Mark sighs. “Don’t do this year the same as last year, it didn’t get you a championship.” 

Laura watches him get to his feet and when he goes to move past she grabs his wrist. And for one moment she lets it go and says with an aching honesty, “It’s not easy to be someone I’m not,” she tells him quietly. “Be a better person. I don’t even know where to start.”

Mark gives her a small smile. “That’s a start.” He squeezes her hand. “Call me if you need to clear your head.”

He lets her hand go and she watches him walk out stopping to congratulate Daniel who’d appeared, giving him a tight hug, both exchanging manly backslaps. Mark looked genuinely happy for him and there’s a dart stinging betrayal that he could be happy for someone other than just her - or maybe he was putting on a front? Like he asked her to do, she was going to believe that. She can only brace herself when Dan is then bouncing over to her, and she gives him a smile as he beams at her.

“You and me Aston,” he tells her. “We’re visiting the tequila.”

“It’ll be for very different reasons,” she tells him as he wraps his arms around from her behind.

“It was a good race. You did good.” He squeezes her hard. She has to bite her tongue to tell him that was easier said when you were the winner. Maybe silence was the best answer. Not that she had much of a chance to respond, Daniel swept away by other members of the team, details being swapped for their team celebration.

And thinking of tonight has her push her fingers into her cheeks, lifting her mouth into a smile. Maybe she can pin her face like this?

*

Miles leans on the door inside Laura’s suite watching as she balances on one leg to put on shoes. She seemed pissed with most of the weekend, but now she was glaring at him furiously. “I can’t believe you are bailing on me to have dinner with Molly.”

“I didn’t say it was dinner with Molly. It’s not dinner with Molly.” He wishes it was dinner with Molly. He’d prefer dinner with Molly. “She said she’ll join you guys out. Sophie is going to watch Ella, so Ben’s going. You won’t even miss me.”

Laura having fastened the buckle of her shoe, stomps her foot to the ground. “Fine. Whatever. Go on your fancy dinner.”

He sighs. “You going to tell me what’s bothering you?”

“Nothing is bothering me,” she mutters. “I’m super happy.”

He can only shake his head and purse his lips. “Fine. Be all stroppy. I’ll see you bright and early for our flight tomorrow.” He waits a moment to see if she says anything else, and when he doesn’t even get a goodbye 

He’s more than sure she was angry at him, but he’s not exactly sure why. He feels like this weekend he had a thousand things to juggle and after a weeklong honeymoon, it was harder to step back and turn off holiday mode than he thought. And this race had turned up unexpected issues - issues he had dealt with and kept far from his sister. And now he had to face them while she enjoyed the luxury of drowning her sorrows in endless drinking.

 

He’s late and she’s waiting for him, already seated at a table. He feels so much at the sight of her, he can’t even begin to process his emotions. Anger is leading the charge, maybe something he shares with Laura as he drops into seat opposite.

She raises her eyes from the drink menu as if he’d interrupted her and he finds it unnerving that they were Laura’s eyes, even if for the most part she looked far more like Lillian than Laura. “I was thinking you might not show,” his mother comments. “You didn’t bring your wife with you?”

“No,” he answers coldly. Molly knew nothing about his meeting with his mother. He was sure if she knew, she’d have demanded to come, and he doesn’t need her asking questions or running her mouth in his defence. 

“Did you really have my name flagged with security at your silly race?” She leans back in her chair, relaxed and not looking emotional at all at the fact that they hadn’t seen each other since before his trial.

“Yes. Not that I thought you would bother attending. You never cared for racing.” But hell, there was no way he was to let her show up in the paddock unannounced during a race weekend, particularly here and have Laura’s worst fears come true.

The restaurant they were in was far too fancy for his taste and he waits while his mother flags down a waiter, ordering the most expensive bottle of red on the menu, before finally looking back at him. “I still don’t care for the racing. From what I understand Laura didn’t win last year.”

Miles sucks in his breath. Their mother, only keeping score of the losses. He has to bite his tongue to lurch into a spiel of all of Laura’s accomplishments to date and how hard she fought for what she has achieved, but it would mean nothing. She had been opposed to both Lillian and Laura racing back when they were younger, and their father pushing them to continue to race was the straw that broke his parents’ marriage. 

“I wasn’t planning on attending for the race, or Laura,” she responds. “I wanted to see you.” Her explanation of trying to score passes to the race, team paddock passes has his stomach drop.

Miles clenches his jaw. “For what reason,” he asks stiffly.

He’s given a ghost of a smile and his stomach drops. “I want to see my granddaughter.”

*

By the time that Sebastian rocks up to the bar to join the Red Bull celebrations with Kimi, their celebrations had well and truly started. He greets his former team as Kimi makes a path towards the bar, while his eyes search for Laura. He spies her chatting with Ben and Rocky, but his path to her cut off.

“Seb!” Daniel grabs him in a tight hug. “You’re here!” He sounded over-enthusiastic, well and truly in the land of tipsy. “You should meet my parents!” He turns around in a fast circle, apparently prepared to drag him in their direction. He does a full three-sixty, and in the span of time already moved on. “Oh, Heidi and I are going to go on date. Is that cool?”

He sucks in his breath at the question. Heidi can date who she likes, but it annoys him to no end that Daniel picked up  _ his  _ date at the wedding, no matter what their arrangement was. Not to mention the fact that Dan was flirting with Heidi while getting Laura naked? Before he can say anything though, Daniel is bouncing away, waving madly at someone else and Sebastian forces himself to let it go.

Instead, he makes a beeline towards Laura who was heading towards the bar. He has to force himself to not sprint towards her, not that it was possible as he makes his way through the Red Bull team celebrating, stopping to say hi and shake hands before he finally reaches her. 

He presses into Laura from behind, trapping her in place as he places his hands on either side of her. He grins when she sinks back into him without even turning around. She knew it was him.

“That better not be tequila,” he murmurs in her ear. 

She turns and gives him a large smile, it almost looks real. “You don’t want one?” she asks teasingly.

“I learnt my lesson,” he responds and she’s back shouting across the bar to order him a drink as he circles his arms around her waist. He has to resist bending down and kissing her neck, that might be crossing the line of space he was meant to be giving her; not that she was fighting him off. He has to suppress this tiny voice that told him everything would be okay between them; eventually.

And after, he was crammed around a tiny table with a group of his former team, Laura squished in next to him. They both ignore Rocky sitting opposite grinning like a loon behind his beer. He shifts his foot link with hers under their chairs. Her fingers fall to his bare knee, and he expected her to her foot away, squeeze his leg in warning, but instead, her hand remains, fingertips pressing into his skin.

“Are you happy with your fourth?” she asks leaning closer to him to not have to yell. 

“I’m about as happy with fourth as you are ever with second,” he answers, and this time her grin is real, “But next race.” No point looking back.

“Well, you can text me all about your shitty day when you go to bed.”

He grins. “You want to make another language request?”

She twists to face him, neither of them much caring at this point at the other around. “Yeah, I was thinking about that. French didn’t do it for me.”

“That’s because apparently, it’s only English that gets you in the mood.”

She ignores his comment. “I want Italian.” He raises an eyebrow and she adds, “What if I get a Ferrari contract for next year? You can help me learn.”

His smile vanishes. “What? So you can say good morning and good night in Italian?” The thought of Aston as his teammate did not sit well with him. They hadn’t done that very well the first time, and even if she was joking, he didn’t like it. 

She laughs softly, pushing her face into his so she can murmur in his ear, “But I like Ferraris.”

He was well aware of her love for Ferraris. He blinks at the memory of them fucking in his car last year. He reaches down to remove his hand off his leg because he doesn’t need to be any more excited than he was.

She doesn’t pull away though instead, she adds, “And you like me in red.” And at that point, it’s more that she’s ripped away, crying out in surprise, and he blinks at Daniel dragging her from her chair.

“Aston, stopping hitting on Seb and come dance with me.”

“I was not hitting on him,” she snaps  “And I don’t want to dance.” She looks around, “Where’s your new girl?”

“She turned me down, she doesn’t dance either.” He gives her a pout and Laura rolls her eyes but lets him pull her after him.

Sebastian grabs his drink and watches as Daniel spins Laura around. He wonders where Kimi had disappeared to and spies him talking with a pretty brunette. Maybe he and Lillian weren’t that much of a couple after all. The thought is interrupted when someone drops into his seat next to him. 

“They make a cute couple.” He blinks and looks at the girl next to him. He doesn’t recognise her and she nods in the direction of Laura and Daniel when he gives her a questioning look. “Oh, and hey, you’re Sebastian Vettel. Natalie. New press officer with Red Bull.” He suddenly understood Laura’s ‘new girl’ comment.

“They’re not a couple,” he tells her bluntly but he does shake her hand.

“They look like a couple,” she tells him when he drops her hand. “And she spent the last few nights with him.”

Sebastian blinks at the comment. “What did you say?”

“I always thought her and Jenson would get back together…”

Sebastian’s stomach plummets and he looks back up at Laura. There was no way that was true… was it? Laura and Daniel? His mouth goes dry, Laura now practically clinging to Daniel and laughing, looking brighter than ever ... His breathing slows... he feels like the world contracts sharply.

“LIke in bed together you saw them?” He presses the point because he and Laura were working on things. They weren’t dating other people… were they? 

“Huh?” She turns back to him and makes a face. But she doesn’t say anything else, excusing herself and all his questions as his head swirls with her revelation.

But then again…was that the craziest idea? Laura and Daniel? He was her date for Molly’s wedding. She had worn his shirt and nothing else after. He stands up sharply, nearly pushing his chair over. “Excuse me,” he mutters to the rest of the group, not that anyone paid much attention, wrapped up in a drinking game.

He needed air and for the world to stop crushing him.

*

Laura sits alone at the airport, head bowed and crossed-legged on a chair, trying to go unnoticed as she hunches over her phone. Her mouth in a pout at her very missing text messages from Sebastian. Wasn’t he going to text her this morning? She expected one already and she was getting very annoyed at waiting for something she didn’t much care for at the start of the week.

She slams her phone the seat next to her, looking up to see her brother walking towards her. He gives her a smile that doesn’t feel quite his usual before he drops into the seat next to her, knocking her cap off as he does. “Right, did you read your schedule?”

“Nope,” she answers reaching up to fix her hat, yanking it lower than before when she gets a few curious glances. She was not in the mood to mingle and smile and sign shit. “I have three days off -”

“Then you’re in Milton Keynes.”

She salutes her brother. “Sure. I’ll work and you play happy families.”

He frowns at her. “Is that meant to mean something?”

“Where were you last night?”

“Hell,” he snaps back. “I’ll meet you at the factory.” She wrinkles her nose and says nothing. “You’re not still moping about second place are you?”

“No, I’m ecstatic with not winning,” she tells him, tone dripping with sarcasm. “Where’s Molly?” She was changing the subject. “She babysitting Seb?” As she asks the question Molly appears with Ella on her hip in the distance, hands holding various purchases she’d made on the way to join them. At least she got Ella cuddles, as she quickly snatches up her niece and showering her with kisses.

“Did Miles tell you where he was last night?” Laura asks Molly.

“Laura.” She’s indifferent to the sharp warning her brother gives her.

Molly though stretches not looking concerned. “He joined us out last night.”

“Yeah, after his hot date.”

“I did not have a hot date,” Miles snaps at her. “And you should drop this.”

“Why? I dropped you being absent most of the weekend.”

“Oookay,” Molly says stepping in to grab Ella back who was reaching for her mother, unhappy with the tight grip Laura was suddenly giving her. “I’m sure it’s nothing Lau.”

How can Molly not care where Miles was? The fact that Miles was stubbornly silent was making her crazy annoyed. “Did you see Sebastian? He left abruptly last night.”

Molly raises her eyebrows. “We now interested in Seb are we?”

“It was just a question,” she snaps, anger bubbling out.

“And here I thought Ella was going to be the bitchy one on the flight,” Miles mutters under his breath.

It takes an awful lot to not go off at her brother and she bites her lip hard to stop herself ranting at both of them. It especially grated on her nerves that Molly was wearing a little smirk at her curiosity on Seb. 

Whatever. She jumps to her feet when they’re called for boarding. She was going to ignore them both for the rest of their flight. Except it’s not that easy when Ella screams for an hour before passing out, leaving her not just in a bad mood, but a splitting headache. And as she rubs her temples in the hope for some relief all she can think of is how nice it would be if her head was empty right now.

And when she finally touches back down in London she finds herself texting the last person she expected. Mark.

_ Offer still open for clearing my head? _

 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Not sure when I'll post more, but at least it's something... right?


	10. It's all about wants

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's no F1, everyone is forced into a break. And I figure if I have a chapter, maybe I could ease everyone's pain at missing F1?  
> Enjoy, don't know when I'll get around to more, so sporadic and surprise updates will continue at whim and random. I figure no one will complain since something is better than nothing :P

Lillian is standing in front of her brother unsure of where to begin to process his news. “You had dinner with our mother?” Her voice sounds oddly calm and yet, everything inside felt like it went on alert, preparing for the worst. But despite that, she had a million questions as Miles drops onto her sofa after shoving aside empty boxes for room in her apartment.

“Yes. She was her usual unemotional self.”

Lillian rolls her eyes unsurprised. If they wanted to point fingers at the parent that had given Laura the trait of seemingly indifference it wasn’t hard to identify. “And?” She puts her hands on her hips getting annoyed that Miles was taking his sweet ass time to get to the point. She wants to go over and shake him to death.

“She didn’t ask about you. She barely said two words about Laura, only pointing out she didn’t win last year.”

“Fucking bitch,” Lillian muttered under breath. There was no doubt if Laura had won that her mother would have contacted them, well at least Laura. If only to remind her she should be thanked for her apparent part in her success. 

Miles drags in a deep breath. “She wants to see Ella. She feels like she deserves to see her granddaughter.”

“She deserves nothing!” Lillian hisses, surprisingly hurt that their mother would rather a connection with Ella than any of her three children. “Like we’d  _ ever  _ let her near Ella. How could she think that would be possible? She married a fucking monster knowingly.”

That comment has Miles clear his throat. “So, he died. About seven months ago.”

Lillian goes still, eyes widening. “What?” 

“Yeah, she made a comment. Still wears her fucking wedding rings. But I checked. He is dead.”

Lillian blinks, exhaling as she drops down next to him, crushing a half-packed box of books. Her head swam with the news. He was dead? “You think we would have checked on that or something.” She should have kept tabs on that, but instead, they had all been busy burying the past in the past. No one talked about it, no one referred to it, and it wasn’t solely for Laura, they’d all been impacted.

Miles shrugs. “We should tell Laura.”

The comment has Lillian blink. “Yeah…” She bites her lip, it’s not her first thought despite its importance. “You aren’t going to let her see Ella though right? And what have you said to Molly?” The last thing she wanted was for their mother to have any influence on Ella’s life.

“I haven’t said anything,” he says honestly, eyes flicking away with guilt. “She gets funny about it.” Lillian cocks her head at that and he sits back folding his arms. “She wants to talk about it, the past, thinks I should stop skirting around things.” He does air quotes, “Share my feelings.” He groans. “It’s in the past... And I have dealt with it. Like I’m not stuck in it, it doesn’t rule my life. It is what it is.”

Well, there’s a positive - Kimi asked her nothing. “That’s Molly, she cares about you. Maybe you shouldn’t say anything.” She hesitates. “And maybe we shouldn’t mention anything to Laura either. I don’t think she’s in a great mood at the moment.” Plus, her sister would have already been stressing and now de-stressing from her annual trip to Oz, there was no need to pile more shit on her, particularly when she didn’t win. 

Miles shoots her a look. “I thought we agreed no secrets.”

“Yeah, well sometimes secrets are good,” Lillian huffs. “Give her time to get over her non-win.”

“I think she’s pissed at me.” Miles reaches into the box to grab a book from the box between them, idly flicking pages as he sighs.

“Yep,” Lillian confirms. “Because sister dearest was unaware you were dealing with shit and thinks you weren’t head in the game.” She snatches the book back. “Stop touching my things.”

Miles frowns. “Why are your things in boxes?”

“Isn’t that a more ordered way to keep things?” She goes for innocent, only Miles narrows his eyes at her. “Or you know, if I want to move some of my things from the UK to another place, boxes are good for that as well.” 

“You moving things in with Kimi?” Miles asks the question so bluntly she winces.

“It’s more like, I think it would be easier if more of my things were there for when I see him,” she returns casually not about to take the bait.

“Almost be called moving-in if it was a committed relationship,” he muses to her.

“But it’s not moving and we’re not in any committed relationship,” she snaps.

Miles smirks. “So that’s why he was talking to some chick post-race and looking very friendly when I arrived from my dinner date with Satan’s Mrs?”

Lilian’s face falls. “What? How friendly?” She desperately tries to keep the desperation from her question. She fails.

Miles pats her head. “Nothing for you to worry about in your non-committed relationship.”

And god she hated him right now so much.

*

There’s a quietness that exists here that Laura finds soothing. There’s no traffic, no other people, and for the first time in a long time, she comes to a stop on the walking track and just exhales. Maybe she’d been holding her breath all year long, it feels like she hasn’t breathed in months. She could have stood there, in the middle of the trail just breathing in silence except one of Mark’s dogs is brushing against her leg, licking her hand reminding her she was falling behind.

She gives Shadow a reassuring scratch to the head and keeps walking. Mark was in the distance now, powering on with Simba, allowing her to take her time as they went. He’d been welcoming to her, she’d met with Linda who had been lovely before she sent them packing and for a walk with the dogs. She’d half been expecting long boring talks that verged on lectures but she’d received none of that. 

She was greeted with hugs, over-excited dogs, tea, her own room and apparently a quietness she didn’t know she needed. She liked it here. Maybe she could permanently move in. Linda seemed so nice she doubts she’d object. She’s not so sure about Mark’s opinion.

Mark had stopped to let her catch up, and he notes her little smile. “What are you thinking about it?”

The small smile turns into a grin. “Making myself a permanent fixture here.”

“The board is high,” Mark returns before he steps over a fallen tree. When he offers his hand to Laura to help her over, she takes it despite not needing the help. He gives it a squeeze before letting it go sending a pleasant warmth up her arm.

Mark keeps close to her this time, slowing his pace down till they’re simply strolling. “You want to go into town tonight for dinner?” That immediately has Laura wrinkle her nose. “Or we can stay in and you can endure my home cooking.” His fingers flick against hers lightly.

“Linda said she was cooking.”

“Right, well if it’s good we’ll say it’s me,” he jokes, clearly trying to lighten her up.

“Sure.” Her voice is flat though and she can’t find the energy to pretend to be light, or even to snap and be bitchy right now.

An arm slides around her shoulders crushing her to his side as they walked. “Hey,” he murmurs, “Things do get better.” 

She only grunts in response because she was sick of hearing that. When does better come? And in the meantime, while waiting for ‘better’ doesn’t mean she suffers less. And goddamn it, she was sick of the word ‘better’.

“Stop scowling,” he tells her. “You’ll get lines.”

She only scowls harder at him which only results at him chuckling before he lets her go and jogs into the distance calling the dogs after him. “Race you back Aston!”

She blinks after him, watching him disappear into the distance and the competitive words that were meant to stoke her to life only have her feel flatter. She doesn’t want to race him. The excitement and spark of the start of the season hadn’t lit the flame inside as much as she expected.  Maybe her issue was she didn’t want to race or do any of this anymore?

 

“Quit?” Mark scoffs at the word. “Don’t be ridiculous Laura. You’d be bored in no time.” They were back from their walk, and she’d tucked herself up in his study. He hands her a cup of tea she hadn’t asked for, floundering around with the cup unsure where to put it because she was being laid on by his dogs, trapped awkwardly half sprawled on the couch.

“I could retire to a hot little island…”

Mark pulls the dogs from her, looking amused at the notion. “In that black bikini of yours? Maybe I shouldn’t be trying to persuade you out of that.”

“Come here so I can kick you,” she orders not possessing the effort to move to hit him for the comment.

“You know you finished second in Australia,” Mark tells her seriously sitting down, both dogs fighting for control of his lap. “I don’t think second is a reason to quit.”

Because second was such an achievement. Second best was just the first of the losers. She’s not sure why people don’t see it like that. “Well, maybe the choice will be made for me. It’s not like I have a contract for next year.” His contract comment post-race hadn’t sat well with her.

Mark raises an eyebrow at that. “You could have any open seat you wanted Laura. You just have to take it.”

“But not Red Bull.” It grates on her that Christian wasn’t rushing to sign her, he’d rushed for signature last time. Even if she wasn’t sure she wanted a Red Bull drive next year, the fact that the team was lukewarm to her almost felt like family not wanting her. She stares at the too milky tea, her chest aching. She should be used to family not caring much for her, well certain individuals anyway.

There’s a long silence, Mark watching her carefully and she can tell he’s debating how to pose a question to her. “Ignoring the win, what do you like most about racing?”

She doesn’t hesitate to answer. “The fight.”

Mark cocks his head at her. “Fighting on track, battling with drivers?” She nods only to stop, eyes narrowing because she senses a trap. He sips his tea calmly. “All drivers? Any drivers in particular?”

“Don’t be a fucking a smart arse.” She really wanted no conversation about Sebastian. She was here to  _ not  _ think about him. And his sudden lack of need to communicate with her.

Mark leans forward to put his teacup down, fingers idling scratching behind Simba’s ears. “Ignoring availability of seats and contracts in place. Which seat do you want on the grid next year?” 

Any seat? Two years ago she’d have chosen McLaren but now… she wasn’t going to join a team sliding down. The top three teams were Ferrari, Red Bull and Mercedes.

“You’re overthinking it,” Mark interrupts her thoughts. “I’m not asking you to make a rational choice. I’m asking what seat you want.”

She stares at him hard, his gaze not wavering from hers. He knows her answer. She knows her answer. It’s not rational, but this wasn’t about that… She grips her cup tightly, head stuck in her first year of Red Bull, battling Sebastian. It was them, equal machinery, no doubts who performed better on the day. And if she hadn’t fucked her knee, maybe they would know who was really better over a season.

He smirks at her, leaning back again. “I have contacts there you know.”

“I don’t want any he-”

“Yes you do,” Mark cuts her off immediately. “You want your brother to waltz around with bigwigs in Red? Cause an absolute shitstorm in the press? Put pressure on your already fragile relationships with Seb and Red Bull?”

She sucks in her breath. “I really don’t like you when you’re using logic.”

“Kimi’s on one-year option contracts. The possibility is there. I’m offering to speak to a few people on your behalf, see if there’s interest…”

“I feel like there’s a catch.”

Mark beams at her. “There is. One, you’re going to learn to play nice with Germans.” She immediately curses under her breath. “And secondly Laura,” he stops, waiting for her to look back at him. “Ask me. Tell me what you want.”

She gives him a tiny smile because there’s an almost odd sense of relief at knowing the answer to that question. What did she want? At least when it came to F1 she knew that answer. “I want a Ferrari seat.” There’s no hesitation, only conviction in her tone. “I want to beat Vettel in equal machinery.” And there it is, a spark that lights up in her chest - she wants to beat him. She wants to smash him. “You do your part, and I promise, I’ll play very nice with Sebastian.”

Mark smirks at her. “Sex doesn’t count.”

She smiles sweetly back at him. “We didn’t always do that very nicely either.”

Mark’s gaze darkens. “Kinky.”

*

The restaurant is not overly fancy, but it’s small and intimate. Sebastian knew the owner and had been here so many times over the years he had lost count. His fingers seek out the divet of the table in the wood in front of him, stroking it as he always did - the comfort of familiarity.

“You can’t be mad at her for sleeping with someone else,” Heidi tells him flatly.

“I know.” He winces as he watches her eat her vegetarian pasta dish. He had barely touched his meal, he had no appetite.

“You turned her down.”

He presses his lips together tightly, eyes hardening. He expected her to be on his side. She sounded just like Molly. This was the last time he has dinner with her. Not that they had done this since the wedding.

Heidi puts her fork down and sighs, reaching for her wine. “What do you want Seb? With Laura? You tell me you don’t want to talk to her, are avoiding a relationship with her for numerous reasons. Then at the wedding, there was the  _ freezer incident _ .” She does air quotes and has his heart clenches at the memory. “And now you’re sitting here moping about her hooking up with someone. You can’t make her wait for you when you haven’t even told her what you want.”

Sebastian just sucks in his breath feeling angry, and at not at Heidi or Laura, just at the whole situation. 

“What do you want Sebastian?” she asks again, meeting his annoyed gaze, while she kept her voice even.

He takes a large mouthful of his wine and slams it down. “I don’t know. But what I do want is her not fucking her teammate.” The moment he snapped that out loud he wants to take it back,. 

Heidi’s eyes dim, her mouth goes slack. “She slept with Daniel?” She voices the question with caution.

Right, now he feels more like a dick. They’d spent the first half on the evening with him having to listen to her gush about the Red Bull driver. He squirms in his seat. “Well, that was what I heard…” He watches her finish her entire glass of wine. “It’s not like you and Daniel went on a date yet,” he tries to put a positive spin on it.

“Well we’re not going on a date now,” she snaps at him. “We need more wine.” He hesitates, bringing his own glass to his lips to drink, as she watches on impatiently. “I’m getting us another bottle. Fuck your diet.”

That has Seb grin. “I’m getting dessert then.”

 

Wine makes things easy. It makes the pain easier, it makes his fucked-up relationships easier. It makes  _ this  _ easier. Kissing her. Touching her. It was almost  _ too  _ easy as Heidi clings to him, returning his kisses just as desperately. 

But maybe not everything is easier… “Shit.” Heidi whimpers when he backs her up into a side table after they stumble through his front door. Yep, wine is not helping him multitask, but she doesn’t let him go, still clings to him, but that might be because of the alcohol and her lack of balance. 

He licks his lips, staring at her mouth. He wanted her, wants to bury himself away in her and not think about how shit everything was. That would be easy. And it was like she was okay with that, pulling his mouth back to hers, kissing him eagerly, encouraging him on. 

And it’s all so good. She’s warm and wants him, he can make her moan and giggle breathlessly. He loves it, even if the finer details are lost behind their drunken haze.

 

In the morning, all that easiness that he existed the previous night is gone. It’s filled with awkward silences as Heidi redresses silently, forced smiles and polite offers for breakfast that he hopes she doesn’t take up. 

“I’ll get something on the way home,” she mutters standing at the end of the bed and buttoning up her shirt.

Sebastian watches her fingers, it’s easier than having to meet her eyes. Face burning as he now has the image burned in his head of her without a shirt. “So um… this is one-off?” Molly was right, he always did one-night stands badly.

“Seb,” she sighs, “I’m not expecting diamond rings from you. We’ll forget it happened.”

He gives a short nod, but her response isn’t quite the comfort he was hoping for. Everything feels uneasy still. “I did have a good night.” He wants her to know that. He did enjoy himself.

He’s given a flicker of a smile. It’s far from genuine. “Next time we do dinner, no wine.”

That has him grin. “Okay.” She ducks into the bathroom and it’s only then does he crawl out of bed to pull on some sweat pants and hunt down some painkillers for his head. He was cancelling Antti today. When Heidi joins him in the kitchen, he slides her a glass of water and two pills which she gratefully accepts. She drinks the whole glass of water, eyes fixed on his shirtless torso. It has him flush and his lower body stirs before he shifts towards her. Would it be bad if they did it twice?

“What are you doing?” she whispers when he stops in front of her, eyes widening like she hadn’t moments earlier been wanting him closer. 

The embarrassment of earlier, the uneasiness that existed is fading. She is very pretty, he really did enjoy himself…. He drags his hand down her arm. “You want me to organise Molly to bring your car here? I’ll keep you company.”

She chews her lip. “That doesn’t sound like us doing this once…”

He shrugs. Maybe he shouldn’t focus so much on his head right now, it would be nice to not think for a bit and just  _ feel _ . “We’re friends,” he states. “Friends, who like to enjoy each other’s company sometimes?” His offer hangs between them and she doesn’t answer immediately, only staring at him, trying to read him. “Friends can have sex.” He puts it more bluntly.

“I don’t think I believe that…” She bites her lip when his fingers shift to the top button of her shirt. He doesn’t undo it, he plays with it, smiles when her breathing quickens. 

“You know what they say is a great cure for headaches?”

“This a hangover Sebastian,” Heidi chides him immediately at the suggestion.

“Science says we should test it out.”

This time her smile is real, in fact, she even giggles. He pulls her to him, there’s no resistance, and grinning at her he ducks down to press his lips to hers. And it’s somewhere in their heated embrace does the sound of keys slamming on the counter next to him jar them apart.

“This is not the training I had in mind this morning Sebastian.” Antti looks the perfect mix of impressed and annoyed when Heidi tears herself away embarrassed. 

“I’m going,” she rushes out. “Training before science Sebastian,” she adds when she notes his disappointment. 

Sebastian watches her flee from the kitchen, the sound of the front door closing moments later. Antti whirls on him immediately with raised eyebrows.

“Do I say well done or what the fuck is wrong with you?”

He shakes his head. “Neither. Let’s just not talk about it.” He moves passed his trainer.

“Get dressed Sebastian. Do not go back to bed!”

He glares at Antti. “I’m not feeling great….”

“Well, you probably shouldn’t have drunk so much.” He folds his arms across his chest. “Seems like more of a reason to train. We’ll sweat it out.”

All Sebastian can do is curse under his breath as he goes to get changed as he tries to banish thoughts and desires of other things he would rather much be doing right now. And it’s almost a relief that his head was caught in a place that didn’t involve Laura Aston.

*


	11. Frustrations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm updating! I know they're not as quick as the last year but I'm still working on things. Thanks to everyone's comments, on here and to those who messaged me on Tumblr, to those who listened to me whine and those who read my rough drafts, I appreciate you all *blows you all kisses*
> 
> I hope you all enjoy the read after yesterday's race, it's a long one and I think I'm going to aim for longer chapters rather than my shorter ones of the previous years.

 

Lillian watches through the window as Kimi does a workout outside with Mark his trainer. The last few days her head has been stuck on the compatibility results from Laura and Miles’ comments about Kimi’s behaviour post-race in Australia. She hadn’t discussed the results with anyone, not even Kimi, somewhat torn with being pissed off and upset with him and realising she didn’t have a single leg to stand on.

Her frustration of how everything was playing out was starting to creep up on her. Sometimes she felt like going outside and screaming because everything was becoming a little too much - her fucked-up health, living in limbo and the fear that her cancer could return at any moment while being on the cusp of something with Kimi and knowing if she dared step forward with him she would throw him into the same world she was stuck in. The unknown abyss of waiting for an updated death sentence.

She gets sucked in watching him because when she blinks they were done. Kimi returns to the house, peeling off his shirt as he does, leaving Lillian to lick her lips as Mark laughs at some comment from Kimi. She wants to tell Mark to fuck off now so she can fuck her boyfriend. Kimi notices, raising an eyebrow but at least Mark seems to be wished goodbye quicker than usual before Kimi walks back to her.

“Well, at least you like watching me work.”

Lillian reaches out to touch him, fingers skimming across his bare chest, unable to resist touching all the heated flesh on display. She makes a noise of confirmation.

“Are you talking to me again?” he asks smirking, apparently aware of her mood the last few days.

Lillian steps closer, pressing her hands to his hips to push down his shorts. “If you wear less clothes,  _ maybe _ .” And before he can say anything else, she presses her lips to his that curled into a smile.

 

It’s only after when they’re laid out sprawled on the bed does Kimi tells her quietly, “Lillian. I love you.” She shifts to stare at him. “I want you more than anything. And I don’t care what the future holds.”

Lillian says nothing only moves to hold him tighter as her heart swells and then aches. “What if things go bad…”

Kimi rolls onto his back and stares at the ceiling, face turning steely at the thought. “Did you tell Laura you got her results?” Kimi blatantly ignores the question and instead tackles the one thing she had been avoiding. And that he apparently was aware of despite their lack of conversation on the point.

“I don’t need her kidney,” Lillian answers. “Yet.”

Kimi presses his lips together and shifts back to his side to stare at her with a serious expression. “I don’t think we should put things off.”

She knows he’s annoyed he wasn’t able to help her. “There are other people in my family than Miles and Laura.”  Kimi lifts an eyebrow. “If my mother wants to show up and cause issues, well she can at least pretend she has a good cause.”

He visibly falters. “You’re going to ask your mother?” 

“I can at least ask.” She doesn’t like it that Kimi isn’t jumping at joy for her newfound solution. Why couldn’t she take a kidney from one of the people she disliked most on earth? It was better than taking it from someone she did. “The worst she can do is say no.”

“Yes.” Kimi agrees. “Exactly.” His gaze is marred with worry, lips pressed tightly in his clear dislike at her idea.

Lillian swallows, dismissing his concern. “I can handle no.” Kimi says nothing, instead, a kiss is dropped to her shoulder. “Don’t worry about it.”

“I am.” He shifts back over. “Don’t do anything while I’m away.” He drapes himself over her, staring down at her.

“Okay,” she says crossing her fingers only for Kimi to grab her hand that she slides underneath her pillow and to pry it back out and force her fingers between his.

“I’m serious Lillian,” he tells her. “I don’t think this is a good idea. I don’t want you to get hurt -’

She shifts then and slams her mouth to his. “I won’t. Promise.” He doesn’t kiss her back and she pulls away, kissing him gently, trying to coax a response from him. “I promise,” she whispers gently biting his lower lip. “Please kiss me now -” Her request is cut off as he slams his mouth to hers, lowering her back down on the bed to kiss her so her toes curled and she groans happily. If only they could stay in the moment forever.

* * *

Miles watches his sister with uneasiness as they arrive on Thursday in the paddock for the Chinese Grand Prix. Something’s different, he can’t quite put his finger on the change in her, but since she showed up at the factory after a few days off there’s something that had changed. Watching her sign autographs and pose for photos with fans, it might be mistaken for happiness, maybe a spark as she beamed and chatted willingly.

That’s what made him nervous. It wasn’t happiness, and if it was a spark... She was now holding a toddler dressed in Red Bull gear, beaming widely, it was a spark of  _ determination _ . Her good mood, her acceptance of her duties which he would normally force her hand in, would argue with her about, was nothing more than a mask for something else. His sister wanted something, was after something.

She had spent a few days with Mark and his wife, he had learnt that when she had dropped that casually to him on the flight, and if Mark had found a key to get Laura to do as she was told without an attitude problem he was going to find the Australian and wrestle the secret from him, because goddamn it, he had been trying to manage that for years!

“You’re definitely spending more time with Mark and Linda,” Miles tells her when they finally into the paddock, silently noting the spring in her step as she grins at him. “Maybe it’s the yoga with Linda?”

“I hated the yoga,” she huffs. “I’m not doing yoga.”

“Yoga and dogs.” Miles pulls his phone out to actually make a note of that and Laura grins at him laughing as she jogs up the steps of the Red Bull motorhome. And even if there was something she wanted, doing this for another reason, her good mood was nice to see, seeing her happy was…

He stops to check the message that had come through on his phone and frowns at the PR request that had arrived. He glances up to see Laura had joined Dan and the mechanics for breakfast as he glanced back at the email. A last-minute request from Sky Sport. A Chinese special with none other than Sebastian Vettel. Pending approval. 

Miles sucks in his breath and he spins on his heel and darts back out into the paddock heading towards Ferrari. A quick word with security and he’s being pointed in the direction of his wife who was standing to the side in the motorhome where Sebastian was doing a morning press conference.  He waits to catch her eye before she slips over to join him.

“What’s up?” she asks and he hands her his phone as he crosses his arms waiting for an explanation because this request didn’t come from him or Laura. She frowns. “That’s not from us,” she comments looking up at him. “And what makes them think they’re going to get that? It needs time to be passed through…” Molly shakes her head. “There’s no time. Seb’s booked out all day.” She hands back Miles phone. “Not happening.” 

Miles wants to ask more questions because if it wasn’t Molly and Seb’s camp, but his wife is darting back to her job and he gives up and heads back to Red Bull, only he finds his sister in the corner with Mark Webber, heads bent together clearly trying to have a hushed conversation. His sister’s scowl is back in place which would be a relief if she wasn’t moments later stomping away from Mark and snapping at him, “Get the Sky piece with Seb approved.”

“Laura!” But she’s already walking back off before he can ask anything else. He glances over at Mark who was also staring after his sister - what the hell happened in the three days she spent with Mark Webber?

 

*

 

“Miles made you call me didn’t he?” Laura answers her call.

And still not fully awake from Mile’s ungodly call and ranting Lillian rolls over and tries to blink the sleep from her eyes. “He thinks you have some sort of plot to take over the world. An evil mastermind or something.” 

Laura snorts. “I wish. There’s nothing going on.”

“Just willing to do media work with Seb?” Right now she would do anything to be able to travel to the overseas races because something was definitely up, and it had nothing to do about Laura wanting Seb back, that much she was sure of. 

“Media is part of the job,” Laura answers coolly. “And maybe it’s a good opportunity to work on my image.”

Lillian purses her lips, her head racing with possibilities. “How’s Mark?” she asks and she doesn’t have to see her sister to know she was grinning.

“Fine Lillian.”

“You fuck him yet?”

“Nope. But that isn’t the most unappealing suggestion,” Laura muses.

Lillian sits up somewhat excited. “You want some tips?” Laura  _ rarely _ showed interest in anyone since Ben, Jenson was the only exception. She wasn’t counting Sebastian and their weird fucked up relationship.

“No, definitely not,” Laura answers firmly. “I can handle things myself.”

“But I’m so good at getting the ones attached to long term partners…”

“Well done there Lil. And that always worked out so well.” Lillian can only wince at the sarcasm. 

Having finally managed to drag herself from bed she goes to make herself some breakfast so she can have her pills, only to choke on them when Laura asks. “You get mine and Miles’ results back yet?”

She hesitates. “I haven’t opened them. I figure we can do it when you come to visit next.”

“But this is back to back races, that’s going to be two weeks…” 

“It can wait,” Lillian shrugs hurriedly swallowing the rest of her pills.

“You feeling okay?” Laura asks concerned.

“I’d be better if you let me help you shag Mark,” she grins.

“So you’re fine then,” Laura concludes. “Right, wish me luck, I’m off to do autographs with Dan.” 

“Smile. Be nice,” Lillian tells her.

“Yep, I know the drill and then after I get to do the same thing with Seb.”

“But not too nice with Sebastian,” she adds worriedly.

“I promise Lil, it’s all above the belt and it’s all professional,” Laura swears.

“I don’t think you and Seb can do professional -”

“I know what I’m doing Lillian. I’ll call you later.” There’s a kiss smacked to the phone and the call ended. Sighing, Lillian tosses her phone aside frustrated. Her sister was up to something that much she was sure of… she stops and snatches her phone back and texts Kimi only to pout when he says he’s not getting involved. And she thought that he loved her.

*

ebastian isn’t sure why Heidi had to be the topic of conversation. Antti making comments, generally dirty at every possibility, having Molly drill him whenever the opportunity arose and seemingly upset with any response he gave, whether it was ‘no comment’, ‘I don’t know’ or the truth. It didn’t help that all her questions came with Laura attached and he’s not sure how he feels about her apparent support and belief in him and Laura - not when he had so many doubts.

And if having his team asking constant questions about his barely existent love life isn’t bad enough, Aston rocking up late to this goddamn Sky piece while he stood inside a small Chinese restaurant, and then not bothering with any greeting and instead diving into a rant about Daniel and Heidi has him want to turn and smash his head against the wall he was leaning on as Molly does little to hide her tiny smile as Laura complains about Heidi ghosting Daniel.

“So?” Laura puts her hands on her hips. “Have you spoken to Heidi? Because if Daniel thinks I didn’t ask you if you’d heard from her…”

“Uh…” He swallows avoiding her eyes and throwing a look at Molly for help who so very unkindly points to the Sky team and wanders over to talk to them leaving him in front of an exasperated Laura.

“Sebastian,” she snaps his name to get him to refocus on her.

“I think if Heidi isn’t talking to Daniel, for whatever the reason, that’s none of our business.” His stomach does a slow and unpleasant flip and there’s guilt trying to nudge its way inside when he knew there was nothing he was guilty of. He was changing the subject. “And can I ask you what we’re doing here?”

Laura snaps out of her grump and flashes him a large smile. “We’re going to be very nice to each other in front of the cameras.” She pats his arm condescendingly. “So don’t piss me off.” 

He rolls his eyes as he hurries to follow her into the kitchen where they were filming. He sighs, wanting this to be done as quickly as possible. He didn’t feel like standing in front of cameras pointed at him and Laura and feeling like they were under a microscope. 

 

Or. This was the best thing he had ever been forced to do. They’re making traditional Chinese rolls or wraps while doing an interview. But it was like no one told them Aston doesn’t cook and he thinks her expression as she stands there tying on an apron and looking at the array of ingredients spread out, nose wrinkled and horror swirling in her gaze at the meat might be the best thing as he smirks barely containing his laughter. At least till Laura punches him in the side.

Johnny Herbert is doing the interview and he looks like he might have scored the jackpot, he’s bouncing around so excitedly. And the moment he’s given the okay he ‘just dives right in as he begins to poke at the ingredient bowls while Aston was a mile away from the bench, arms folded and looking as if she wants to be further away. 

“We’re here today with current world champion Sebastian Vettel and Laura Aston,” he says clearly not concerned that calling him a world a champion has Aston scowling at him. “And we’re going to be making some traditional pork and shrimp rolls. And we thought we could make it interesting by having a little competition over who can make the better roll.”

Sebastian beams. “Are you the judge?” he asks Johnny. “I wouldn’t be wanting to eat anything from Aston.”

“Be careful Sebastian, there are knives,” her snapped warning only has Johnny look more thrilled than before.

Laura can act as cocky as she wants but the moment a piece of raw pork is placed in front of her by the young chef has her looking a little on the pale side. They have to chop it with a cleaver, which is fun, and he follows along trying hard to not laugh at Laura standing a mile back from the counter and doing it with her eyes closed.

There are a few questions about their individual preparations for the season, the race, where they think they’ll end up this weekend, all answered with Laura looking more and more unimpressed with their activity. She dumps her lumpy pork into the bowl, while he peers at his own that was in his opinion a perfect replica of the chef. Smooth and lump-free. He beams with pride because this was another thing he was better in than Laura.

“It’s no secret that at times over the past two years or so, that you have both had a… heated relationship. When you were teammates, at the end of last season when you were battling for the championship. How do you both handle your relationship away from the track? How do you reset things?”

Laura takes Johnny question as a reason to not participate in the next part which involved adding some spices and seasoning to the pork and mixing it in by hand. “We don’t have a relationship away from the track. And as for resetting things?” She shrugs and glances at Sebastian next to her with a hard gaze, “Maybe I’m the bigger person and let things go.”

The comment ends up having him in a coughing fit. “Excuse me? You are far from the adult between us?”

Laura dusts her hands and smiles sweetly back at him. “You want me to name all the times I was the bigger person? Bahrain when we were teammates. I suggested we put things behind us and try again.”

“Race two or three together hardly counts Laura,” he argues back.

“Oh, Hungary last year,” she continues and he stiffens because that was delving a little too close to personal. “I came to you and apologised personally.”

“You did?” Johnny asked surprised. He looks at Sebastian for confirmation. He glares at Laura because she didn’t come to apologise about brake testing him, but she dares him to deny it. He would so badly like to tell Johnny that Laura offered her apologies from her knees but he clenches his jaw to keep that back.

He shoves his hands into the meat in front of him so as not to strangle her. “Technically,” he says as calmly as he can manage, “She did come and apologise.” He can feel the satisfaction oozing from her at being right. “Aston, don’t stop, everyone is hungry.” He nods at her to continue and gone are her sweet looks and smiles a scowl back in place. 

The chef encourages her to catch up, practically shoving Laura’s hands into the meat. He watches with a smirk as she coughs in disgust and might have possibly gagged at being forced to touch the raw meat. Good, he hopes she hates it.

“So with all of these apologies,” Johnny asks, looking excited at getting tidbits of their relationship, “Would you say you’re friends?”

“No.” His answer comes out without thought but at least Laura snorts loudly. 

“No Christmas cards?”

“Some of us are a little old for Christmas.” He thinks Laura had tried to snap but she had lost her edge and she really wasn’t looking that great when she removes her hands from the bowl and tries to shake off the meat.

He shifts closer worried she might actually pass out. “You don’t like Christmas?” he asks surprised. “ _ Everyone  _ likes Christmas.” 

She looks like she’s going to argue but it dies when they were given shrimp to prepare. Laura actually turns away when they’re shown how to clean them, properly retching. “I’m becoming vegetarian,” she moans.

Laughing softly he reaches for her. “Come here Lau. For Christmas, I’ll do yours for you.” She doesn’t say thank you, he’s not surprised and he leans in to whisper loudly, “This makes me the bigger person FYI.” For one moment, she presses into him, and he catches the scent of her shampoo and he just wants to bury himself away in her.

He keeps going as Johnny laughs at them, only for Laura to wrap her arms around his waist, hands running across his shirt firmly, and he stiffens as she rests her chin on his shoulder. “See how friendly we are? Honestly, the talk of us hating each other is over-exaggerated.”

He was going to smell like raw meat as he looked down at the traces of pork she had smeared on his shirt from where she had cleaned her hands. Before Laura can dart back away, he locks her against him. “And Laura is going to get me a new shirt for Christmas.” And when she refuses to acknowledge with a ‘yes’ and only shrugs, he grabs one of the prawns he was cleaning and bops it in front of her face. She turns and doubles over, back to gagging as he helpfully pats her back.

“I think we have our gifts worked out. Definitely best friends.”

The rest of the piece is pretty much Laura looking ill, drinking water while he finishes up. Winning the challenge, not that Laura looked as if she cared that she lost. And after, Johnny shakes their hands telling them that was great fun and he appreciated their time. Laura says nothing and instead when they’re done heads to her brother for a sympathetic hug.

“That’s going to be a popular piece,” Molly tells him after he has thanked everyone for their time. He signs a few autographs as Molly checks their schedule.

“Really?” He shrugs moving to pull off his Ferrari shirt, happy he had another plain one underneath. “I suppose there might be some people that will want to watch Laura practically throwing up…” he muses.

Molly takes his shirt. “No. For the both of you. I don’t think you quite realise how popular the two of you are. As a pairing,” she comments. He shrugs not concerned what fans ]thought, none of them really knew anything anyway. 

*

Laura isn’t sure she has yet recovered from the cooking piece she did with Sebastian on Thursday, sticking to vegetarian-only dishes on Friday which seems to amuse everyone from her brother to Daniel who says he can’t wait to see his favourite couple appear together. In fact, it was like the Sky piece was getting a lot of attention, no one believing that she and Seb could in some way function pleasantly, especially after last year’s closing races in the title fight.

It has Mark giving her little knowing smirks at the hype it was causing and yet she couldn’t focus on that as she hits the track for free practice, switching her head to the only place that mattered. Racing. Finding her groove for the weekend, determined to get a win under her belt and kick the season off…

Come the afternoon she’s glaring at timing screens with Daniel. “The Ferrari’s look quick,” Daniel comments sounding as annoyed as she felt. She crosses her arms and stalks off to do the post-practice interviews.

“It’s still Friday Lau,” Miles tries to cheer her up.

“Yeah, and I doubt the tyres are going to be any better tomorrow.” No point denying their car just isn’t as strong here. She does her best thought to be positive, team player and smile while answering her questions, she’s sure none of it is bought as Sebastian bounces happily around answering questions and looking like life was peachy with him and Kimi leading the times. 

 And the last thing she needs right now is Sebastian coming over and wrapping an arm around her shoulders in mock support, squeezing her tightly and offering to share data with her, over shrimp and pork. She immediately gags. Right, press done as she ignores the laughter and confused looks and walks off. Maybe her vegetarian status is now permanent.

 

Debriefs run late and when she’s done she finds a message from Mark inviting her to dinner. Late was apparently fine and she accepts and ends up in a lovely restaurant with Mark and Jenson, where there is far too much laughing about her inability to look at meat and both wanting to know all the details about her piece with Sebastian.

“I think a lighter side to you and Sebastian is a good thing,” Mark tells her, smirk very much in place. “Everyone is loving this.”

“Well good for them,” she snaps carefully picking out anything that looks like meat on her plate. “I’m pleased I’m good for entertainment.”

“Come on Lau,” Jenson tries to perk her up. “Just because you had a bad day doesn’t mean tomorrow isn’t better.”

She makes a non-committal noise and Mark gives her an encouraging squeeze. “Play nice Laura,” he murmurs, “Think of the end prize.” It was as if Mark knew she was imagining all the things she wanted to do to both Ferraris, well more one than the other.

“Or, after dinner just go fuck Seb and take it out on him, just like year?” Jenson suggests with his mouth full.

Her eyes narrow at him and she sucks in her breath sharply as she bites back, “Fuck you.” And she hates him so much in that moment and she’s nothing but hurt, at least he had the decency to look somewhat apologetic, though he doesn’t say it. 

Mark was kind of enough to change the subject while she eats mostly in silence before Mark offers to walk her back to her room. “You okay?” he asks as they walk.

“Fine.” She subtly rubs at her chest where her chest still smarted at the words from Jenson. He doesn’t look like he believed her and she lets him pull her tightly against his side.

“Hey, whatever went on between you and Seb -”

“Nothing,” she returns hotly because wasn’t that the truth? They weren’t in any relationship no matter what feelings had swirled around.

He gives her a little shake as if to shake her from her mood, “You really want to pursue being teammates with him?” 

That question only has him glare at her because she wasn’t changing her mind on that point, how else did she show everyone she was better than him on equal terms in equal cars? 

Mark sighs. “I’m just saying no relationship survives being teammates, not on that level. You have to know that right?” She presses her lips together tightly at the advice he was so kindly trying to offer her. 

“I know what I want and that’s what I’m going to get.” She shrugs his arm from her and Mark sighs pushing his hands into his pockets and wisely says nothing else before she gives him a brisk goodbye with her hotel in sight. Her throat felt tight as she stalks to her room as if a lump had lodged itself there.

 

She has a hot shower and yet she can’t shake off her frustrations when she crawls into bed. Sleep keeps darting away from her, and her head finds itself dwelling on the past. When she had a bad day and when Sebastian had beaten her… she closes her eyes and bites her lip as she remembers all the times they had fucked last year, taking out their shitty days on each other.

Her eyes snap open at her breathy moan.  _ No!  _ She wasn’t going there and Jenson’s stupid suggestion can fuck right out of her head. And yet it’s stubbornly stuck on that one channel till she wants to scream at how frustratingly turned on she is and she was not going to take care of the problem herself because she needed to get over her addiction. 

Cold turkey. She was going cold turkey.

Her phone buzzes and the text message there has her sit bolt upright.

_ Open the door _ .

Sebastian.  _ Seb was here.  _ She scrambled from the bed, tossing the phone aside as she rushes to throw it open. He’s standing there, hands resting on either side of the doorframe eyes dark with a look she  _ knows _ . And she shivers, heat flooding her body and she wants him  _ so fucking bad _ .

She grabs the plain black shirt he was wearing and yanked him inside without a word. The door is barely closed when she’s wrapped around him, his mouth pressed to her throat, biting, kissing her. He sucks hard, the sting of him marking her making her cry out before he spins her around and crushes her back to his chest.

“I beat you today,” he murmurs hotly in her ear. She grabs his hands stroking her stomach, trying to push them down because she just wants him to touch her and she doesn’t care about anything else. He chuckles in her ear, “Come on Aston, I’m the one that deserves rewards, not you…”

She’s shaking in his arms, pushing her ass back against him, his cheek rubs against the side of her neck as he pushes her to the bed and she rasps, “Yes, you can have me, however you want… any way you want.” She just needed something before she combusts and he finally pushes her face-first onto the bed and she unashamedly widens her legs for him.

“I don’t remember you being this needy…” he sounds like he’s mocking her and she only arches up when his hands fall to her arse, following the curve till his thumb presses into the crotch of her knickers which are mostly definitely wet.

She gasps pushing herself to her knees as she sobs, “I missed you.” She can’t manage much more than that as he teases her with one hand, the other working on his own pants, she can hear his zip being undone, the shuffle of clothes before he pulls aside the damp fabric between her legs. Before she can even brace herself he pushes in, one long smooth stroke that has her gasping for air, her body clenching down in pleasure. 

Large hands grab her hips and hold her there before he then moves and it’s utter fucking bliss as her fingers grab at the sheets. It’s all she needs and it’s not long till she right at the edge as her cries grow louder. So close… she was so fucking close…

 

It’s her alarm that tears her from her dreams, and away from the release she needed. She wants to scream as she throws herself back down on her bed and yanks a pillow over her face as her body throbs, demanding attention she didn’t have time to provide it because the next moment her brother was letting himself in her room and rattling her schedule off at her. She could weep right about now.

* * *

It comes down to tyres. Qualifying and so would the race, and the sad fact is Red Bull doesn’t appear as strong in managing it as Ferrari. He’d winced on Saturday when Ferrari took a commanding front-row lockout, Seb on pole much to his sister’s frustrations and Laura despite qualifying third and ahead of her teammate looks ready to unleash.

During the press conference on Saturday though, he watches with raised eyebrows at her restrained comments, manages something of a congratulations to Seb and was clearly doing her best to keep herself in check. If could only wrap his head around her motivation, because it wasn’t from the goodness of her heart and the not knowing was slightly terrifying.

And Lillian was proving to be of no help, but he thinks she’s dealing with other things right now so he wasn’t going to hound her, to hound her minions in the paddock. But at this point, he had concluded whatever the truth was it was between Laura and Mark. Who seemed to be attached at the hip more than ever. And any hope he had of learning more was dismissed at every attempt and was simply told ‘not now’.

With so much going on this weekend he had dropped it, and come Sunday, the only thing that mattered was the race, and Laura seemed determined to win as much as ever. Even if that possibility would take a miracle. And he had worked out with the number of warnings being doled out by Laura’s engineers, Rocky, and even Christian, it was about tyre preservation and she could not go flat out if she wanted to make the podium.

It had Miles feeling nervous. Laura wasn’t a patient racer and while she could manage a race this was different. Red Bull are on the back foot and it was very clear they weren’t fighting for a win but taking the most they could out of the weekend and telling Laura she couldn’t fight for a win… he can see her frustration, see her annoyance that could easily turn into defiance dancing her eyes. 

It’s on the grid does he murmur to her. “There’s nothing wrong with biding your time.”

She’s sipping at her pre-race drink, Phil next to her holding an umbrella as she stoically ignores him along with any press. He can only sigh as he watches his sister’s gaze fix on the car ahead of Sebastian.

“Laura, please don’t do anything stupid,” he pleads because there seemed to be more press hype about them than ever before.

The comment has her turn towards him and she frowns. “Of course not, because then how do I win?” Her response has him wince because that wasn’t the attitude she needed to have today but she shoving her drink at Phil and walking towards a charging Mark Webber doing the grid walk. He watches with raised eyebrows as she gives her time freely to him.

“Did hell freeze over?” he asks to no one, but Phil is kind of enough to grin at the comment as they watch Laura engage with Mark, light up and answer his questions, both joking around. Yep, Mark had somehow managed to convince his sister to do things he had failed at for years. Maybe he was getting to old for all of this? He certainly felt it right now.

 

And when he’s back in the garage he stands there phone in hand to keep Lillian updated should anything happen as he stares at the screens with bated breath. He just wanted a clean getaway… and then the lights are off and they’re away. The top four go through in order, Seb, Kimi, Laura and Daniel no one willing to risk anything off the line, though behind the grid was reshuffling and cars were being forced off track but there’s no safety car.

The Ferraris skip away at the front and he worriedly watches Laura’s times because if she pushes more than necessary… they’re steady, similar to Dan’s. Pit stops arrive, quite a few laps earlier than the Ferraris but again not a surprise as he watches both pit stops, smooth and seamless, the team sending out both their drivers into nice clean air. 

It’s only in the last ten laps of what has been a dull race of careful tyre management do things change. Laura is pushing, trying to catch Kimi as the Ferrari’s lead advantage is slowly being eaten by both Red Bulls. Tyres are falling away and no one was quite expecting and it’s Sebastian on the radio crying bitterly about his tyres while Laura kept pushing. He silently crossed his fingers because if she managed ahead of just one Ferrari then that might as well be a win…

Things intensify, the gap has narrowed sharply at the front, both Ferrari’s severely lacking grip, locking up as the large lead they had is now diminished with Laura just about in the DRS for Kimi and Dan hot on her tail. 

Kimi reaches the back of Sebastian and the pictures on TV show how thing Sebastian’s tyres have gotten and he watches with wide eyes when the back left suddenly delaminates moments after he’s called to box, but it’s too late. Sebastian’s tyre failure sending him off track and across the grass before he ends up in the wall. Race down. The garage around him erupts in applause as Ferrari is frantically getting updates on Kimi’s tyres and telling him to box.

The Finn though ignores the radio to call to box, flying past the pit entry with two laps left, Laura weaving behind him in dirty air and he can feel her frustration and he silently prays she doesn’t throw the car into a wall because of it. She takes a dive up turn one, only being forced to defend from her teammate and Kimi skips back ahead as the three of them squabble.

One lap left and the gap between Laura and Kimi grows because Laura is now before forced to defend rather than attack as his phone buzzes furiously. He looks at the text from Lillian -

_ I don’t think I have ever felt so torn about a race winner.  _ There are a ton of crying face and he doesn’t get a chance to respond before there are only a few corners left and he rushes from the garage with the guys to jump on the pit wall as three drivers round the final corner.

Kimi takes the win.  _ Just _ . Laura second and Daniel in third. The team are ecstatic to get two drivers on the podium in what they thought was going to be a walk in the park from Ferrari. And he’s relieved to see that Laura didn’t look as disappointed with second as he expects when she climbs free of the car one lap later. She looks hot and tired but her eyes are bright and lively, she had fun and he grins and waves at her from the barrier which she returns before she’s being hugged by her teammate and shaking his hand. 

Now that the race was done he can say he enjoyed it. And second place may as well be a win. 

* * *

The beat of the music is steady, strong and getting wrapped up in it is easy as Laura clings to Daniel as they throw themselves around on the dancefloor. She wasn’t plastered, just drunk enough that she was able to let herself go in the darkened club, lose herself in a wash of bodies and music. 

Daniel had suggested the place after drinks with the team and she’d agreed because she needed  _ something _ . She felt like she’d been on the edge all weekend, on edge with Sebastian, frustrated to get so close to a win she wasn’t meant to be able to have. And then there was her the frustration of a different kind, this one purely physical as her body demanded release she hadn’t been able to provide it.

She bites her lip as she shifts against a guy with dark eyes and a wicked smile as he pulls her closer, grinds against her and she does nothing to push him away. She turns in his arms and throws her head back, grinds her ass against him unable to help herself as he squeezes her hips encouragingly. 

She can’t remember the last time she had felt like this, hot, flushed, turned on to the max and not able to have a release, an outlet. Last year there was Sebastian and before that Jenson even if they had never been quite on the same level as Seb, but before that… god had she gone years without sex before that. Right in this moment, it felt unfathomable to go that long. 

Her head swims more with more alcohol, arms around her, lips against hers and it’s a blur, and she was hot,  _ too hot _ . And it’s only when she’s outside in the cold air does sanity filter back a little and in proper light, the guy she’d been prepared to let have her on the dancefloor doesn’t quite seem as appealing as he lights up a cigarette and says he was organising a ride back to her hotel. She blinks because that desperate need from moments earlier had cooled.

“I can organise my own ride,” she tells him trying to smooth out her dress and his look of surprise darkens and he reaches for her.

“Funny.”

Laura yanks her wrist from her grip. “Don’t touch me.”

And the look in his eye has her shiver, she knows that look and something cold grips her inside as he approaches. “I guess you are the cold little bitch racer girl.” And then he spins on his heel and walks back into the club leaving her standing there and her hands are shaking she has to clench them tightly to get them to stop.

Not sure where she was, she tries to call Daniel but he doesn’t answer but then again he seemed to have an array of ladies lined up. Her brother doesn’t answer, neither does Molly. In the end, it’s Mark that arrives to rescue her. 

There’s no judgement in his eyes, only raised eyebrows at what she can assume is not her best look as she smooths her hair down. “Water and something to eat first,” he comments even though she felt fine. But she definitely felt better with something in her stomach and she realises she barely ate any dinner and he doesn’t comment on the fact that she ate her meat burger without any protest. “Better?” he asks handing her napkins to clean her fingers as she sat back sipping her water.

“Yeah. What time is it?”

“After two,” he answers. “I think I’m getting too old for this.”

She grins at that. “I’m keeping you young,” she says instead of offering an apology.

“I suppose that’s one way to look at it,” Mark leans across the small table in the fast-food place he had taken her. “But I do have an early flight.” 

And with that comment, she pouts. “You don’t want to stay out and play with me?”

“I think you’ve had enough playing.” He coaxes her up, steadying her on her feet and she frowns, apparently still not fully sober. He reaches over to remove some sauce on her cheek and she swallows as she stares in his eyes and that heat from before comes charging back. “Don’t look at me like that Laura,” he warns and then tears his gaze from hers, grabs her hand and marches them out. 

She doesn’t say anything till they’re back at her hotel room, Mark unlocking it her door, helping her remove her shoes before she presses against him. “Stay,” she breathes out, her heart beating hard as his arms slide around her loosely, shaking his head at her. “I want you to stay,” she repeats again her arms now around his neck and she gasps when he lifts her up, her legs going around his waist as she clings to him, squirms against him.

“And you’re not exactly sober,” he says calmly as he carries her to the bedroom. She lets out a gasp because then she’s falling bouncing down on the bed. He leans over her. “You did good this weekend Aston,” he murmurs and then bends down and kisses her lips very softly and her eyes flutter closed. “See you in Spain.”

She makes a happy noise before her eyes open slowly. “Bahrain?” It wasn’t Spain next and knowing the race calendar almost becomes an argument for him to get into bed.

“I’m not fully retired yet,” he reminds her and he kisses her again, just as soft but his kiss lingers and she moans arching up desperate for more but then in the next moment he’s gone and the hotel room door slams closed. 

“Fuck,” she breathes out once more feeling frustrated. But it doesn’t last long before she rolls over, searching for pillows to hug before she passes out.

  
* * *


	12. Changing Times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right new chapter. I think I'm going to aim for fortnightly updates, set some kind of schedule to get this one done. Hope you all enjoy the latest update :)

“Seb, you’re spinning the phone too fast!”

He grins as Heidi giggles. He was face timing her his suite for the upcoming race. He slows down his spin so she can take it in. “See how modest it is in comparison to the chalet?”

“I can see, it’s completely budget, maybe you should complain,” she teases as he walks her around.

“Now, we can see the bedroom,” he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. He throws himself down onto the large king-size bed as she rolls her eyes at him. “Now show me what you’re wearing.”

“Sebastian!” Her face goes red, “Isn’t your dad around?” She looks mortified he wants to start something.

“Yeah through the two living rooms, past the large kitchen -” His face turns serious. “So have you thought about it?” He decides to switch back to a topic they had been skirting around since he flew out. She doesn’t seem convinced about going down the friends with benefits route and now he can see how uncertain she looks. 

“I said I would think about it, and I am,” she assures him.

“You want more than that,” he concludes.

“I didn’t say that -”

“But that’s what you want,” he pushes for her to answer the question.

“I just don’t want to play games Seb, that’s all. I guess I want more than a fun time,” she tries to explain and he nods. 

“Maybe we should do that.” She blinks in surprise at his response and he rolls onto his stomach and puts her on the pillow and stares at her. “I’m serious. Maybe we should do it properly. I don’t feel like playing around.” If he did, he’d be with Laura. He dismisses the thought because he doesn’t want his head to go there.

She sighs and doesn’t look at all convinced on that idea either. “Is that what you want?”

“To not play around? Yes.” That he was sure of. “I’m just saying, if you want to do things properly, I’m all for that. I’ll take you somewhere nice when I get home, I’ll woo you -”

“I think you did that already.” At least he gets her dimpled smile back. “I’ll think about it.” Before he can comment and push the matter she adds, “I promise.”

“Okay.” He forces a smile, an unsettling feeling creeping over him. “I’m going to have dinner with my dad, so I’ll speak to you later?”

They end the call and Sebastian spreads himself out on the bed, groaning at the feeling in his chest that was getting heavier. It was going to be fine, he liked Heidi, this wasn’t a mistake.

“Sebastian?”

He whips around at the soft knock his father gave on the door to his room. The look on his face was full of judgement and it has him worry he really was fucking up until his father is telling him that he had a visitor. He blinks but follows him back through the large suite to find Laura digging through the fridge in the kitchen. His mouth turns dry. “Laura.”

She looks over her shoulder at him. “How come you have no food?”

“I only checked in an hour ago,” he says leaning on the counter. “Sorry I hadn’t shopped for uninvited guests.”

She slams the fridge closed. “You know what Seb? You’ve spent too much time with me and I’m not a fan of your casual annoyance at me.”

He glances to see his father once more making himself scarce, not that he wasn’t going to get an earful later. “Clearly we have spent too much time rubbing off on each other,” he shrugs very aware of the double meaning behind his words and he can see the smile she was trying to hide. “What do you want?” 

He had definitely spent too much time around her because she bites her lip for a moment, her eyes turn to a darker shade, her body arches slightly towards his and immediately he straightens up suppressing the immediate flood of heat that he has in turn. “That’s not happening,” he tells her quietly. If they started going down that path they’d end up just like last year.

“I didn’t say anything,” she snaps immediately folding her arms. “And that’s not what I’m here for.”

But it’s what she wants and it was so hard right now to not sink into her… and he needs his head to stop because he was already half-hard and he hadn’t even touched her. At least she flushes red and he smiles at her because her hot and embarrassed is a rare thing. “You want to get dinner with us?”

She falters. “With you and your father?” Her head turns in the direction his dad had disappeared to. She looks unsure but she doesn’t reject the idea, “I’ll have dinner with you and your dad after we discuss whether or not you think we’d make good teammates.”

And just like that, she’d thrown a bucket of cold water at him as her eyes bore into his demanding a response silently. Straightening up he puts more distance between them. “In what world Aston, do you think that we would make good teammates?” he answers coldly.

Laura shrugs. “We could do it better now. We’re grown-ups.”

“One would argue we were grown-up last time.” Was she serious?

“Look, my contract is up at Red Bull and I’m looking at -”

He snaps then in understanding. “Absolutely no fucking way you go to Ferrari!” He was putting his foot down and maybe he had actually stamped. “In what way is that productive in any circumstances!”

“Why are you yelling at me?! I haven’t signed anything Sebastian. Jesus fuck,” she stomps around him moving to find the room’s alcohol. “Can’t we have a grown-up conversation about it?”

She was serious. He turns, hands gripping the counter of the open kitchen, eyes following her, knuckles turning white. She wants to go to Ferrari? He feels like he can’t breathe. Did she not get that it would be the worst thing for them? “You wanted to go to McLaren?”

“Well they’re shit now,” she snaps at him giving up on her rifling. “So that is on hold.” He watches her clench her fists in frustration. “It doesn’t have to go badly,” she tries again almost like she was pleading with him to agree.

He wants to laugh at her because there is no way she really believes that. Does she? He drops his head down, banging it on the counter. Even if this was just a general conversation, it made his head hurt and his stomach ache. He jumps when her fingers brush through his hair. Jerking up he sees her leaning opposite him.

“Would it really destroy everything?” There was no joking, nothing playful in her expression, eyes locked with his and he just shakes his head. Because she was the most competitive person he knew and there was no way,  _ none _ that it didn’t end badly. And her asking this question isn’t meant to question their professional relationship.

He swallows. “If you sign with Ferrari, if that’s what you want,  _ really  _ want, I won’t stop you. And I can work with you, and maybe in some ways we’ll do it better, but yes, it will destroy everything.” Because at some point they’ll clash, at some point everything will go on fire and he can’t be with her, in love with her when that happens.

Laura just looks at him sadly. “You know there’s no difference really, whether we’re teammates or competitors.”

“Yes,” he agrees, “And maybe that’s the problem.”

And just like that her gaze hardens, maybe because she isn’t getting the answers she wants, but it’s the truth. To his surprise she leans across the counter and presses her lips to his, the kiss taking him by surprise. He reaches out, fingers in her hair tugging her mouth harder to his as he kisses her back. Because it had been far too long. She deepens the kiss making everything light up as he tries to lean further towards her, get closer, desperate to have and take more… She jerks away and he makes a noise of protest, eyes fluttering open as he licks his lips.

“Fine. But it won’t change anything. You’ll still want me.” And then she turns and stomps to the door and slams it closed after her.

And she was right. He would. He slumps down and resumes banging his head on the counter.

 

*

 

“Why are you moody this morning?” Miles questions his sister as they enter the paddock on Thursday.

“I”m not moody,” she answers huffily, barely glancing at him away from her phone. He can only hope she’s not on instagram replying to comments in her current mood. “Can we do dinner tonight?”

He raises his eyebrows at her. “Yeah?”

“Need to talk contracts.” Her scowl was very much in place as she slides away her phone. 

He shrugs. He didn’t have much news on the Red Bull front, but he was happy to run through things with her. Christian seemed in no rush to go through contracts or renew and as they entered the motor home for the team he wishes Laura would at least pretend she was happy, smile… he knows she’s trying to do things a little better this year but you wouldn’t know it today. Maybe they could discuss that at dinner, clear the air before she gets in the car tomorrow.

Laura is swamped by hugs from Daniel and he tunes them out to grab his phone and then nearly choking when he reads the message from Lillian. He immediately ducks outside thinking it would be nice right about now if both his sisters could just, for one moment not lash out and do stupid things. 

“Why would you do that!?” He doesn’t yell, but that’s only because he’s in the paddock and there are people around. 

“Because,” Lillian says sounding calm, “I’m covering all my bases. I wrote her an email. Shall I read it to you?” Did he have a choice? “Dear mother. I was going to go with, dear woman who has given birth to me, but figured that might not lend well to her giving me a kidney.”

“Lil,” Miles face crumples, “This is going to end badly.”

“I don’t care if she says no.” She might sound like she means it but he doubts that’s true.

“To be honest I’m more worried she says yes because then she’ll want something in return -”

“I know what I’m doing,” she cuts him off. “Anyway, who knows when I’ll get a response because I got an out of office response. For an indefinite period of time.”

Well that was interesting. “She’s on leave?” He remembers all the times they went on holidays as a family. It was an argument between his parents over the length of time, over whether she could work, on going where there was wi-fi. His mother was a work-a-holic whose side job had been her kids, which he doubts she misses and is now one less distraction in her life. 

“Yep. But I’m sure she’ll check them anyway. Do you want to hear the rest of my email?” Lillian says through a yawn.

“What time is it there?” He checks his watch and then fails to do the math. 

“I couldn’t sleep because I wanted to do this. I’m in bed though. I just need a bedtime story.”

Miles snorts. “Call your other half for one.”

“Despite the time in our respective locations, and that Kimi theoretically should be able to do just that, he’s the one sleeping. And knowing him, he’ll sleep as long as he can get away with because he hates Thursdays.”

That seemed to be a mostly united view from the drivers. He straightens up when he sees Toto waving him over. “I have to go Lil. Get some sleep.”

“I’ll try. It’s not like I’m going to get an email back immediately,” she replies. “Tell Laura to smile.”

He grins and ends the call before heading towards Toto and shaking his hand warmly. 

 

*

 

The weekend was dragging itself along and Sebastian knows he’s not in the greatest of moods, but he can’t shake it no matter how much he tries. Usually his father’s presence would help but this weekend was only adding to his grumpy state as he resolutely ignores him at breakfast on Sunday morning while Molly stares at them confused.

His father had looked as if he wanted to have a conversation with him since Wednesday when Laura had popped around to discuss the absurd notion of them being teammates. He’d done his best to steer his father away from any mention of Laura but his father was determined and last night he’d lost the battle. 

The moment his dad takes a call from his mother, and oddly gets up and walks away from the table Molly leans over, smile gone as she asks with nothing but concern, “Did you have a disagreement with your dad?”

He shrugs and sits back and crosses his arms because he doesn’t want to talk about it. “It doesn’t matter.” But even saying it has his nostrils flare and Molly’s hand extends towards him in a silent offer of support. And then he snaps, letting out in a hushed furious rant, “Last year he was all ‘don’t be with Laura, career first’ blah, blah, blah. But then I tell him Heidi and I might be getting more serious and he says I’m making a mistake! I’m trying to move on and he says I’m not as if he knows how I feel! He doesn’t know anything and I know what I’m doing and one kiss with Laura changes nothing -”

“Woah!” Molly cuts him off holding up her hands. “Woah Seb! Jesus can you slow down because I’m not keeping up.” Her eyes are wide, “When did you kiss Laura?”

Sebasitan blinks at the question and his face flushes. “That doesn’t matter, and it’s not what you think, but he saw and -”

That only has Molly lean further across the table, hanging in her breakfast. “ _ This  _ weekend?” Her mouth was hanging open. “How serious are you planning on being with Heidi?”

He reaches over to save her shirt from being ruined and yanking her plate forward. “Can you focus on what matters right now,” he snaps at her annoyed.

“I’m trying!” She throws her hands in the air. 

“He said I’m still in love with her,” he tells her flatly.

Molly bites back immediately, “Are you?”

_ Yes. Desperately _ . He swallows and feels his anger deflate with the pain that comes with the knowledge that just because he loved Laura doesn’t mean he could have her. “Don’t worry Molly, how I feel doesn’t matter. Heidi is nice.”

Molly’s eyes flash angrily. “She is. And don’t you dare think of stringing that girl along.” Her warning, or more like threat, comes low and quiet.

That has him shake his head. “I’m not going to hurt her,” he promises. He’d been completely honest with her, he had no intentions of being anything but honest with her. “She knows where things stand, she knows what I want -” 

“Laura?”

“No,” he retorts bluntly. “I just want…” he shrugs. “Something simple and less complicated and someone that doesn’t make me someone I’m not.” He watches Molly bury her face in her hands, mumbling something he misses. He gets the feeling she’s not on his side. And that hurt, just as much as his dad not getting what he wants, not being supportive. “Mol,” he says quietly, “I don’t want to hurt anyone and I just… can’t I be happy?” Her hands fall away and he looks at her pleadingly.

He sees her crumble at that and she grabs the hand he offered and squeezes it tightly. “I only want you to be happy.” She gives him a shaky smile. “I think you need to stay far away from Laura.”

He squeezes her hand in return. “I will. Except for when I pass her on track.”

Molly sits back and huffs. “At least you’re in front today.”

That has him perk up because he did beat her in qualifying. He was second and she was third, pole had gone to Lewis. He was looking forward to the race and he falls silent when he sees his dad return, only for Molly to tell him to let it go. He’d try.

 

*

 

There was no denying that Seb and Laura had somehow managed to create a whole lot furore and attention in their rivalry. And it was more from last season’s heated title fight then when they were teammates, and their showy respect and friendship in the paddock this season was adding a new dynamic. There was more interest in them than ever, and doing that piece in China together had only heightened it.

It was like everyone was on the edge of their seats, waiting for them to come apart, as if Laura’s sarcastically sweet comments about Sebastian were just the start. Miles can’t shake that feeling that an implosion was just around the corner and he’d like to be very wrong, no matter how entertaining it would be to the rest of the world.

Sitting in the garages at Red Bull, arms crossed, fingers jammed in his teeth he watches anxiously as that fear is almost realised. Seb and Laura on track, literally fighting through each corner. There were ten laps left, Seb’s tyres were gone, Laura had saved hers, bided her time and now she was full on attacking the Ferrari.

“Fuuuuck…” His breath catches as Laura dove up the inside, the two cars touch and they go through the corner side by side, Seb holding on to second place,  _ just _ , despite the sprinkle of carbon that two of them had created. If they crashed out… he’s not sure he wants to deal with the shit that follows. Sebastian’s car was clearly lacking pace and all he was doing was holding her up, and as the laps decrease her chance of chasing down Lewis was slipping away. 

He bites harder at his nails because he can sense Laura’s frustration, and a frustrated Laura was going to lead to rushed and sloppy. On the straight, she’s on the back of the Ferrari, darting left and then right when Sebastian goes to block her before she throws the car into a gap her car barely there to throw it up the inside. There was no way Sebastian wasn’t going to smack into her as she forces him to take them both out or lift. He lifts, wheels locking but it’s not enough, the front wing of the Ferrari catching the rear tyre of the Red Bull, more carbon fiber flies around.

Laura’s on the radio asking about tyre pressure, worried about a puncture, Sebastian’s on the radio shouting about Laura’s move that is mostly full of expletives. Miles can only hope she doesn’t have a puncture as she easily sails away from Sebastian, but with two laps left there’s no time to get a win. Lewis crosses the line in first, Laura second and a furious Sebastian in third. 

 

Heading to parc ferme to meet with his sister, Miles gives her a hard a hug over the barriers as Lewis celebrates in the background. “You are giving me so many grey hairs,” he tells her loudly.

Her eyes laugh at him through her helmet as she moves away, to do her interview only for her arm to be caught by Sebastian once her helmet is off. Miles watches as he drags her to his Ferrari and furiously points at all the damage from their on track fight.  _ Great, media is going to love this _ . 

But apart from a hushed conversation that no one captures, Sebastian wildly gesticulating and Laura only shrugging there’s not much else. They don’t talk in the driver room pre-podium instead offering their congratulations to Lewis. The press conference though ends up with Sebastian publicly criticising Laura’s driving and calling her hot headed. Miles had braced himself for some furious retort from Laura, but she’d shrugged it off and said she’d been called a lot worse and that Seb had clearly mistaken her for an aerodynamicist post race. She was seemingly not about to be baited into a press war. Miles was surprised… Laura had really grown this year.

 

“Hot headed!” Laura screeches at Miles, eyes flashing with anger. “How dare he fucking call me hot headed! He should have pitted for fucking tyres instead of whining like a little bitch.” The moment Laura had stepped outside of the press conference marching toward the press pen she lets loose on her real feelings. And Miles grins relieved to see she hadn’t changed that much before telling her to get everything off her chest in the next thirty seconds before she’d need to smile and be professional again.

 

* * *

 

Laura watches as Daniel throws himself onto the large sectional in her suite, phone in hand before he clears his throat and reads, “The tension on track was palpable -”

She rolls her eyes and folds her arms. “Please don’t do a voice.”

“Suspense was building. Aston almost grazes the front of her car across the sexy back end of the Ferrari -”

“Does it have to sound sexual?” 

Daniel drops the phone and gives her a grin. “No. But doesn’t it sound better like that? There is so much shit online with you and Vettel, Aston.” He looks far too excited as he moves to find other things to read about them. This is why she had stopped googling herself a long time ago. She stomps over and snatches the phone.

“Come on,” Daniel pouts. “People would lose their minds if they knew you and Seb were fucking.”

“Fucked,” she corrects the tense. “And that was told to you in confidence.” She didn’t want to think about what the consequences would be if that leaked to the media. 

“And I haven’t said anything,” he assures her and he reaches to pull her down next to him. “You’ve been in a mood all weekend.” She says nothing and instead goes to his instagram app and looks around for a weird photo to post. “Is this a Seb thing?”

“Nope,” she snaps and then zooms in on her bare foot to take a picture of her big toe. 

“It’s just you’re all tense and Seb does that -” He stops and sits up eyes wide. “It’s because Mark’s not here. You were so much calmer when he was around. God, are you sleeping with him?”

“No!” 

“He’s not here to work out all the tension,” he continues wiggling his eyebrows at her suggestively.

She pegs the phone at him hard. “No! I am not sleeping with Mark.” She’d like to. A lot. She seemed to be thinking about sex a lot lately. She wonders if he was here if she’d could persuade him to put her to bed again, kiss her again… she licks her lips and it suddenly feels hot in here.

“Oh yeah,” Daniel nods with a smirk, watching her closely, “You totally want to shag him.”

“Get out,” she orders pointing at the door. “I’m not doing dinner with you and Nat.” She says referring to his PR chick and the reason for him popping around. He pouts but drags himself to his feet. 

“Fine. Maybe I’ll try and woo her, see if I still have my charms since they failed on you and Heidi.” He kisses her cheek hard. “Don’t mope about not winning, you had a good race.”

“I did,” she agrees, softening slightly. “I beat Seb.”

“Because that’s all that matters right?” he laughs before moving to let himself out. ‘Change your mind Lau, call me and we can go out or something.”

She forces a smile and nods, only the moment alone she wanted isn’t given, Dan leaving and Miles walking up to her instead, hands in his pockets and looking like he had done something terrible. He closes the door behind him.

“What?” she asks.

“Toto wants to set up a meeting to discuss possibilities of your replacing Rosberg next year.”

She relaxes. “Oh. That’s not a bad thing.” At least someone wants her. 

“He’s very eager,” Miles continues. “Mercedes would be a good option, the car looks good so far, it won today…”

“Yes,” she agrees but she wants Ferrari and she hadn’t managed to tell her brother of her intentions yet having chickened out in the dinner on Thursday. Despite knowing what she wants, she doesn’t feel as sure as she was previously, her conversation with Sebastian lingering heavily in her head about them not able to make it work.. “You can set up a meeting.” Nothing wrong with fully scoping her options from all sides.

Miles nods. “If you want to stay with Red Bull, a contract offer from Mercedes will make it all the harder for Christian to say no…”

She’s aware of how these things work and she moves to sit down. Miles lingers and she tells him, “I’m not in the mood for dinner Miles. I Just want a quiet night.”

“Okay,” he nods and then moves to sit on the coffee table in front of her. And her stomach falls, there was more, he wasn’t here about Toto. “Lau, I need to tell you something.” He must see her panic because he adds quickly, “Not to do with Lillian, but I want you to know that in Melbourne I had dinner with mum.”

 

*

 

Sebastian’s not entirely sure that he and his father are on the same page with certain things, but at least his dad understands his frustrations with the race today. He’d hoped his dad’s support would go as far as him realising that maybe he was right about cooling things off with Laura but his dad made no mention of her despite his ranting post race about her inability to drive.

At least by the end of dinner he was cooler about it all, despite still being deeply unhappy. He just didn’t understand why Laura had to be so aggressive on track. If it wasn’t for him they’d have properly taken each other out. He scowls as he goes to pay for dinner, his annoyance back in full force.

He meets his dad at the door, only for him to grab his shoulder and nod towards the bar. His heart jumps in his chest.  _ Laura.  _ She’s alone and drinking. He frowns and his father nudges him. “Go,” he murmurs as he slides his wallet away. Sebastian though hesitates, not sure that was the greatest idea but his father is already walking away and he has no control over his own feet.

He falls against the edge of the bar next to her, not sitting just watching as she spins her glass on the smooth wooden surface in front of her. She looked a million miles away, a fact that is confirmed by her not noticing his presence. 

“Does drinking make things better? Should I buy one?” He goes with light-hearted to get her attention and he sees her fingers tighten on her glass, lips pressing together as she chooses to ignore him. So she wasn’t here celebrating her pass on him, she didn’t look to be celebrating anything. “You okay?” He hesitates, hand shifting towards hers, fingers brushing the back of her hand. At least she looks at him, only to see her eyes were wells of pain, and the hesitant touch from before is gone, instead he grips her hand tightly. “Lau?” And then to his horror there are tears balancing in her eyes.

“Come on,” he murmurs tugging her to his feet. She mutters something about paying and he takes care of it, throwing some money on the bar, waving at the bartender who nods at them and he guides Laura out. “Let’s get some air.”

“It’s too hot,” she complains, discreetly wiping her eyes as he guides her to the elevators. “And I don’t think us going on a walk is a good idea -”

“And when have you been scared of the press?” he asks selecting the roof. But she was right, he wasn’t going to take her out and wander around together. She doesn’t say anything and he lets his fingers find her, linking through hers to drag her out to the rooftop that held some viewing platforms. There was barely anyone around, but he doubted anyone particularly wanted to be outside in the heat that had yet to cool off for the night.

He watches as she moves away from him, going to the building’s edge, unconsciously putting distance between them as he watches her looking more forlorn. He shoves his hands into the pockets of his shorts, moving after her, ensuring not to get too close even if he wanted to sweep her up and hold her close and make all her problems go away. There’s mostly silence till she turns to him after a while.

“Miles had dinner with my mum.” 

He blinks because she had never mentioned her mother. Or her parents ever. He bites his lip to hold back from asking a million questions as this clearly wasn’t the time. “She has never been accepting of my career, pretty much cut off ties with me when my father took me back to the UK when I was sixteen…” She begins to bite on her nails, “She told Miles she wasn’t surprised I finished second last year.”

Sebastian swallows at that. “Lau,” he says his heart breaking for her. “If anyone thinks that last year you didn’t give it everything…” He shakes his head as more tears appear and he hurries to close the distance between them. “She isn’t worth it.” He hugs her tightly, crushing her tightly in his arms.

“Whatever,” she mumbles against his shoulder. “I don’t care about her opinion.” She clearly does but he doesn’t say anything and kisses her temple as her arms finally circle his waist and he lets his fingers brush through her hair as she shifts tries to shift closer, hold him tighter. They stay like that for a while, with him gently swaying her till she murmurs, “That isn’t why I’m upset.”

He looks down but she only tries to bury herself into his shirt and he can no longer decipher what she’s saying so he gently forces her to look up at him. “What?”

“I thought I’d feel better,” she whispers staring up at him. “With the monsters gone,” she explains and his thumb grazes her cheek at the fear lurking in her eyes. “I don’t feel any different, or any better…” 

Sebastian is far from following her, but his insides do a slow sickening turn at the thought of anyone hurting her, of her being scared of anyone because that’s what she looks like right now, scared. He wants to ask if someone hurt her, of who had made her afraid of anything because she seemed so fearless…

“I don’t think I feel better because there are still monsters, and just because mine is dead….”

“Laura,” he whispers, suddenly very sure someone had hurt her in the past. “No one is going to hurt you,” he promises viciously, hands shifting to cup her face. “I would never let anyone lay a hand on you.  _ Ever _ .” His voice is full of viciousness because if anyone dared…

She stares up at him before she rasps, “I miss you. I miss you so fucking much.” 

His heart lurches at those words letting her bury herself against him once more only this time her mouth is pressing kisses to his throat as she clings to him. Her lips warm, mouth hotter as she continues to kiss and suck along his jaw, making his head swim and his body heat up. “I miss you too,” he murmurs as her kisses get more urgent as she reaches his chin, only to pull away, her eyes on his lips greedily. 

The way she bites her lower lip before they part so invitingly, sounding all breathless, her tears still balancing in her eyes even if they were filled with hunger and want. If he kissed her, he won’t be able to stop, he knows that, because he was weak. He wishes she wasn’t looking at him like that, as if sex would make all her problems go away. He strokes her cheek and closes his eyes trying to remove the image of her looking so wanton.

“Seb,” she whispers shakily. Her face presses to his, nose rubbing his, trying to coax him back to her.

 “Lau don’t do this, not like this,” he begs. She was upset moments ago… “I don’t want to be the guy that you fuck to bury away your problems…” When would she get that he wanted more than that? He opens his eyes when she jerks away, stiffening at his words. Her face is full of hurt at his rejection. He reaches for her as she stumbles back but his hand is shoved away.

“Fuck you,” she hisses looking as if she was barely keeping her voice from rising in volume. 

He watches pained as she stalks away and heads back the way they came. His shoulders slump down as he casts his eyes towards the desert around them, only this time he was alone. He can feel the mounting pressure in his chest, his heart hurting because not getting what you desperately want hurts, no matter what it is. He jams his fingers into his eyes so he doesn’t cry. Laura would never give him what he wants, never let them be something more, something that didn’t involve just sex as a means of escape. 

And when he’s heading back to his suite he texts Heidi to organise a time to meet up with her. He was going to get what he wants and if it wasn’t Laura, he’d find someone else because he can’t constantly feel like he was being torn apart.

 

*


	13. Decisions and Choices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy reading.

Jenson rises his feet, smiling when he sees Mark walking towards him to join him outside the cafe they’d chosen to meet for lunch. It wasn’t often they caught up like this, outside of the paddock, but Mark had suggested a catch up while he was in town. 

“Sorry I’m late, mate,” Mark greets, shaking his hand and giving him a brief hug.

“Got an opportunity to work on my tan,” Jenson says as he lowers himself back down into the seat. 

They both order lunch, spend some time catching up on personal lives before Jenson decides to bite the bullet. “So, as lovely as this is, I can’t help but shake the feeling that this wasn’t entirely a social call.” He lay his suspicions out in the open and Mark lowers his water glass down and his smile falters. “It’s not like you particularly spend time in Monaco…”

“Meeting in town,” Mark brushes off his comment but he does lean forward, lips pressing together before he sighs. “Jense, I…” And the fact that Mark is hesitating has Jenson falter.

He decides there was no dodging the point. “This about Laura.” Jenson leans across the table eyes fixed on the man he had known for over a decade, “You and her having been spending a lot of time together…” He drifts off, leaving the comment open-ended deliberately.

Mark lets out his breath, almost relieved that Jenson had ripped off the bandaid, but his eyes drop to his glass, long fingers spinning it on the tabletop. “I don’t want to cut your grass so to speak, I’m very aware of your past relationship and feelings for her.”

Jenson winces. Despite it being well over a year since he and Laura had officially ended things, there was no denying the failure of their relationship was still a sore point. Even though he had accepted the end of their relationship, he still wishes they could have done it differently. “You like her.” It’s a fact, he doesn’t need to read the press and rumours swirling around to know that, he knows Mark, he knows Laura and he has fucking eyes.

Mark hesitates. “Yes,” he says simply. He sighs then and Jenson sits back, unconsciously putting space between them. “I have no intentions of getting involved with Laura.”

And yet, Mark was still here, they were still having this conversation. He’s not sure how he feels about it. “Linda?” And the way Mark’s fingers still, the way his eyes flick away from his he knows why Mark is here now. 

“She gave me a pass.”

Jenson’s breath catches, his head processing that response. Mark and Linda were interesting, their relationship not quite traditional, yet calling it an open relationship might be stretching things too far, but there were definitely exceptions given. A ‘pass’ is what they called it, a blessing to the other to pursue something outside of the other. In all the years he had known Mark, he was pretty sure Mark had only used a pass once or twice. If anything, he thinks Linda uses them more, but that might be down to Mark being absent a lot more. Whatever the case, their unique relationship seemed to work. They had been together for a very long time.

Their relaxed lunch now feels tight. Mark clears his throat. “I have no intentions of going there for the record. I just wanted you to know.”

“Laura’s a big girl, she can make her own choices,” Jenson says after a moment trying to shake himself back to the present where he had no right to be upset about who Laura chooses to be with. And if Mark was here asking for his permission or blessing… it really wasn’t his to give.

“I’m aware of that. And just because Linda gave me a pass doesn’t mean I’m going to use it.”

“Laura might like the pass. A relationship without the relationship,” Jenson comments and Mark smiles ruefully at that.

“Yes. But mate,” he leans forward, eyes serious, “I value our friendship and this is me letting you know where things stand. But I plan on keeping things with Laura professional, no matter what restrictions Linda has removed...I just…” he shrugs, shoulders slumping. “I don’t quite trust myself sometimes.”

That has Jenson’s lips curl up a little. “Might be the reason Linda gave the pass, no breaking rules then. And what am I meant to say? It’s Laura, I know the reasons why she’s enticing.” And for someone brash and bitchy, the moment you looked past that, the moment you had a glimpse at the more that existed beneath the surface if you were privileged to see past the hard exterior… you were fucked. You either loved her or hated her. He’s not sure there’s an in-between.

Mark seems to relax a little. “None of it matters anyway, what I want. She wants Vettel.”

Jenson snorts at that, annoyed at just the mention of him. “I have no idea what she sees in him.”

“Want to make a bet when they get married? Have kids and do the happy family thing?” Mark teases.

“No,” he answers flatly making Mark laugh.

“I have no intentions of being caught up in that shit. No matter my feelings or what blessings Linda has given me. But I wanted you to know. As a friend.”

Jenson shakes his head. He’d say thank you, but he’s not sure that is quite right. Instead, he asks, “How long are you here? You want to get a proper drink?”

Mark smiles at that. “Yeah mate. Let’s do that.”

 

*

 

They’re meant to be having a family meeting about Lillian’s health. Laura though is distracting herself, on the ground waving Ella above her head, grinning as her niece giggled, thrilled with the game as she balanced her on her lower legs, holding her tiny arms tightly. 

“Laura, are you even listening?” Lillian snapped at her.

“Yes, you don’t want my kidney,” she answered as she carefully lowered Ella back down who immediately throws herself onto her stomach demanding more. “You’d rather take that bitch’s than mine.”

“Language!” Miles says waving at his daughter.

“And isn’t it better that we use mum for body parts than you?” Lillian argues logically. “And we need to factor in your career and recovery time. It would be so much easier to butcher her, you know… like she’s there for spare parts for us.”

That comment though leads to Miles once more arguing that it was going to end up with her making outrageous demands and Laura sighs, hugging Ella tightly to ignore the pain in her chest. “If you want my advice Ella,” Laura says hoisting her back up, “You’ll disown your parents the moment you are old -”

“Laura!” Miles walks over and snatches his daughter from her legs making her squeal in protest.

“It was a joke,” she defends as Ella strains in her father’s grip to get back down. She can only give her niece an apologetic smile as Miles keeps her away and there are tears brimming in her eyes. “Why am I here?” She sits up. “You two seem to have a jolly time making decisions without me.” Yes, she was hurt they were keeping things from her and deciding when she could be let in on certain things.

“That’s not true Lau,” Lillian says upset.

Miles walks over and nudges her with his foot. “Get up and say goodbye.”

Sighing Laura drags herself to her feet and gives her brother a halfhearted hug before kissing away Ella’s tears till she smiles. “Be good for mummy,” she murmurs, adding in a whisper, “But you don’t have to be for daddy.”

“Stop corrupting her,” Miles orders batting Laura back. “Call me about a time with Toto.”

“Yes, sir,” she mutters rolling her eyes as Miles goes to let Lillian have her goodbyes, while she thinks she should call Mark about where things stood with Ferrari. He’d been meeting someone in Monaco to shift things further along and told her it looked promising.  She goes to grab her phone on the counter and text him, aware Lillian was watching her.

“I do appreciate it, Lau,” she says after a moment giving her a tiny smile when Laura looks up. “The offer, I just… I don’t want you to have to do it if you don’t have to.”

Laura hits send on her text to Mark and puts her phone down and walks to her sister and grasps her face tightly. “Lil, I love you. More than anything else, especially Miles right now,” she jokes, “I’d give you both my kidneys if I could. And mum… Miles is right, she’s going to want something in return. If you let me do this, at the end of the season. I’ll speak to Phil, we’ll go to talk to doctors and get it sorted, do a schedule.” She smiles reassuringly because it could be that simple.

“Okay,” Lillian nods. “We’ll do that. After mum says no,” Lillian agrees and Laura sighs.

“Fine.” No point arguing, Lillian could be as stubborn as she was. 

“New topic.” Lillian leans past her to grab her phone and open up the text she had just sent. “Let’s talk about Mark Webber as you are arranging dates with him,” she smirks only Laura’s smiles fades. That was hardly the case and she’s still uncertain how disappointed she should be with that.

 

*

 

“Look,” Sebastian says gesturing towards the kerb where he had parked the car. “No Ferrari. I’m wooing you tonight with mediocracy,” he beams at Heidi. He gets a large dimpled smile that has him reaching for her hand and pulling her after him. He was looking forward to their date, and he had put in a quite a bit of effort as he links their fingers and pulls her towards his SUV.

He opted against a fancy restaurant, instead taking her out to the lake that wasn’t far from his place, spreading out a blanket for the them and dinner he had picked up from a local place he loved. The look of delight on Heidi’s face made the effort feel worth it as she proclaimed that she loved his nighttime picnic. He smiles back but it wavers.

At the edge of his mind was the memory of the last time he had done this, maybe not quite to this extent, resources far limited when he had tried to take Laura on a date in Japan last year. His cheeks flush when he remembers kissing her in the rain despite the wind and chill. He hurriedly clears his head of the images and memories he doesn’t want right now. The belief he had held back then that they could manage a relationship had well and truly waned.

“I love it.” Heidi leans forward and places an impromptu kiss on his lips. 

“I thought that after we could…” he nods at the lake and grinning as she raised her eyebrows.

“I didn’t bring a change of clothes -”

Sebastian smirks. “I wasn’t thinking of wearing clothes.”

“Not happening Sebastian,” Heidi tells him flatly shaking her head. “You want to go swimming in the nude…” she waves her hand out to the lake, “I’ll stay right here and keep your clothes safe and warm.”

He pouts. “It won’t be as much fun without you.” He shifts his hand to her hip, playing with the loose fabric of her dress wondering if he could change her mind, instead she distracts him by helping herself to food and he decides he’ll try again later.

The food is great, the conversation pleasant and there’s definitely an easiness between them. But then again, there always had been. And the more the evening moves on the more Sebastian convinces himself that he wants more of this, to bury himself away in the relaxed nature of them. And after he’d finished his meal, he lies on his back and closes his eyes, letting out a sigh, simply contented. 

He feels Heidi shift to lie next to him, and he lets his hand move to find hers. His eyes flutter open to stare at the darkened sky above them when she speaks. “Do you think we’re alone in the universe?”

Sebastian stares at them. “No. But I don’t really have an interest in learning if I’m right or wrong.”

“Yeah…” she echoes his thoughts. “I was thinking about what you said.”

Bahrain. Where he had asked for more. He turns his head to look at her.

“I like spending time with you Seb. But I don’t want to be your rebound fling from Laura.”

He squeezes her hand. “What I want, she can’t give me and…” He swallows, hating that his chest tightens, that she could still make things hurt so badly. “She’s moving on, I think I should be allowed that privilege.” He shifts to move over and he stares down at her worried expression. “I promise not to lie to you, or lead you on,” he swears, a promise he intended to keep with his whole heart.

“Seb…”

“The way I feel when I’m with you,” he cuts her off and closes his eyes as he drops his head to rest on hers, sucking in a deep breath as her hand gently falls to the back of his head. “I feel like I can breathe again.” He opens his eyes wondering if she understood. There’s a smile pulling at her lips and he kisses them. “Tonight is the first time in a long time where I feel… content.” And after such a tumultuous relationship with Laura it was the most amazing feeling.

She didn’t plague his every waking thought. He could think and act clearly, no rash decisions, no feeling like he was risking everything, no wildly out of character actions. He didn’t want to scream at Heidi and fuck her despartely all in the same moment. She didn’t make him burn with desperate heat and need and she didn’t freeze him out and make him feel like he was on the edge. And for once, in a very long time, he felt in control of something rather than spinning around dizzily barely holding onto something that was never his to begin with.

She kisses him this time, arms winding around his neck as he sinks down to cover her body fully with his. He pulls back, smiling at the almost soundless noise of protest she makes. “Say yes,” he demands gently. He wanted her on the same page, he wanted to stay in this place with her where he could breathe, and the feelings he had were pleasantly dulled. He could fall in love with this.

“Okay Sebastian,” she agrees not opening her eyes. “Now kiss me again.”

He grins. “We could go swimming?” His suggestions her has her eyes snap open and she pushes him off her. 

“Maybe we should head back?” she suggests instead. “Where you’re less tempted for public displays of nudity.”

He laughs but gets to his feet to pack up their stuff, unable to stop beaming that he might finally be getting what he wants, and there’s something about her giddy smile that strokes his male pride. He was planning on taking her back to his place, making her spend the rest of the evening in bed and then he could convince her to come and see his parents with him on the weekend. Maybe.

 

*

 

When Laura returns from her visit to Switzerland and a few days with Lillian, she’s back home only to then find herself with Miles in Brackley shaking hands with Toto Wolff at the home of Mercedes. And no matter what her future held there was still this part of her that was excited to get a tour, to see pieces of her sport’s history.

She does her best to keep her mouth shut and let Miles do most of the talking, but as she walks through the factory and very much getting the feeling that the drive for next year was hers if she wanted it, she can’t help but admit there was something appealing about the team. There is of course promises of performances and championships and there’s a hot swirl of anticipation for next season and an itch about trying a different car… to go  _ faster _ and be  _ better _ .

And when their meeting is done, her and Miles walk out silently side by side, sliding into her Aston Martin and sitting there for a long moment. 

It’s Miles that speaks first. “They’ll pay you a lot.”

“Yes.” She grips the wheel tightly not sure if she could even comprehend the amounts of money being offered to her to take a seat next to Lewis next year.

“They’re doing better this season. Car next year could be even better,” he continues.

She nods. “Yes,” she agrees and looks at her brother and he’s watching her, waiting for her to say something, give an indication of what she wants because she hadn’t really said anything. She’s not sure she can right now her insides are shaking and maybe she felt a little sick with the thought of making a decision right now.

Mark had been telling her to be patient if she wants a deal with Ferrari, they were still unsure of her lining up with Vettel, but if she bided her time… she chews her lip furiously before she begins to bite her nails. Miles immediately drags her hand from her mouth.

“We don’t have to make any decision right now,” he assures her. “Plus, I can’t wait to make Christian spit chips when I tell him the price just went up.” Her brother beams at her and it has her smile before she starts the car.

“Good.” Even if she did stay at Red Bull, making Christian pay to want her makes her feel a little better that he hadn’t even thrown a contract her way. She was pretty sure there was a lot of internal debate about replacing her with a Red Bull driver from their program. As if she didn’t dislike Helmut Marko enough as is. She revs the engine loudly before she spins the tires and drives off. 

 

By the time she’s home, Miles safely returned to the airport so he can spend a few more days at home before the next race, she finally switches her attention to her phone that she had silenced prior her appointment. She frowns at all the calls from Lillian. Her stomach drops before she hurriedly calls her sister back.

“Finally!” Lillian looks like she’s going to burst as she accepts her facetime.

But Laura’s just relieved she looks fine and was fast working out this might not be the emergency Lillian thinks it is.

“Sorry, work, but please tell me what’s so important,” Laura encourages as she throws herself down on her couch, somewhat interested in whatever gossip Lillian had for her.

“So I was doing groceries with Kimi -”

That has Laura’s mouth tug into a small smile wondering what that looked like exactly.

“And then there was this!” Lillian is madly waving a magazine in front of the phone. It looked like one of those trashy ones that reported on celebs from their reliable ‘sources’. God, she hopes it’s not some article on her… “It’s on page five…”

She waits while Lillian turns pages furiously before the phone is smooshed against the page that close the screen goes black. “Lil, I can’t see it like that!” The phone pulls back and she tilts her head and the phone to try and work out what’s going on. It’s not her, it’s Sebastian… Her heart stops.

“He got himself a fucking girlfriend!” Lillian practically shouts at her. “Look at them!” She shoving her finger at the paparazzi shots of Seb and Heidi, unaware that Laura’s heart was beating wildly in panic. “It says…” Laura though tunes out not caring about the article, instead staring at the out of focus pictures of them in public, Seb holding her hand and pulling her after him… 

“Him and Heidi?” she whispers not sure if this was possibly happening.

“ _ This! _ ” Lillian points furiously at the page. “Is why you need to start shagging Mark! We have to catch up.” 

She blinks. It was a competition? She doesn’t want to compete in this. Tears prick in the corner of her eyes, daring to spill over some fucking pictures. She bites her lip hard to the point of pain to try and keep herself together.

Lillian’s face looms on the screen, her sister faltering. “You okay?”

“Yep,” she forces out.

“This is a good thing Lau,” she promises. “He’s moving on. You should move on.”

She nods in agreement. Lillian was right, she knows that. 

Her sister was looking more concerned, apparently she was not doing okay at being alright. “Lau… you and Seb… “ She’s given a sad smiles, eyes appearing as if she understands and Laura doesn’t want to hear it because Lillian had never understood.

“I have to go,” she says hurriedly.

“Laura don’t hang up on me!”

“Mark’s calling,” she lies and then ends the call before her throat tightens up around a sob.

She shoves the heels of her palms into her eyes. She was not going to cry. She was not upset. Seb could be with whoever he wanted. She takes a deep breath and gets to her feet. She had done all her crying about Seb not wanting her in January. 

It’s somewhere between throwing her phone on the couch and going to the fridge does she break. One sob escapes, breaking the whole fucking dam until she’s sitting on her living room floor crying. 

No matter what she did, how hard she tried, she couldn’t stop. It wouldn’t go away. Months later she was still madly in love with him. And nothing in her whole life felt like it had hurt this bad. She just wants to stop now. “Please,” she begs, “Please I want to stop now.”

  
  


It’s much later. She’s still sitting on the floor. Her tears have stopped, she’s sitting in the dark feeling delightfully numb. She stares at the couch in the distance where her phone had been ringing and beeping with messages. She crawls over to see a missed call from Lillian and two messages. One from Mark and from Lillian.

She opens the one from Lillian. 

_ Laura I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get you upset. Do you love him that much? Because you haven’t done anything to get him back. And when did you not fight for something you wanted? Please call me back. _

She will just not now as she wipes at fresh tears and opens Mark’s text.

_ You want to catch up? Dinner with Linda and me? _

 

It’s on the drive to Mark does she fall into this almost dulled place where she has managed to push everything down. She wrings the wheel beneath her fingers, her head swirling around Lillian’s message and those blurry pictures of Sebastian. And while the urge to cry is right there, pressing hard in her chest she has enough control to keep it all at bay.

Because Lillian was right. She hadn’t done anything to mend her relationship with Sebastian. She hadn’t fought for him back, she hadn’t done anything but keep him at a very far distance since New Years. And as far as she’s concerned for a very good reason.  The images of him and Heidi swirl in her head, almost like they were now burned there, unable to be forgotten. 

He looked happy. Was he happy? She begins to bite at her nails as she presses her foot down, inching her car faster and faster. Wouldn’t the selfless thing be to let him be happy? And she can feel herself screaming internally that he would never be happy with boring fucking Heidi and that she had him first and that he was hers. And all that voice was doing was telling her a million different ways she could destroy Heidi and their relationship, at how easy it would be to burn down…

 

“Laura,” Mark smile is warm when he opens the door for her and it takes a lot of effort for her to be able to return it and his fades at the one she plastered on. But he doesn’t get to question her on it because she gets to greet his overexcited dogs and Linda is there to give her a hug and offer more distractions.

It’s during dinner where she tells Mark she had met with Toto and Mercedes with Miles. And the comment that she needs to talk to her brother about any future Ferrari deals is mentioned but she shrugs it off. She finishes off her glass of wine and says, “I told Sebastian about possibly going to Ferrari.”

Mark who had started to clear the table looks at her surprised. “I’m sure he was eager to welcome you with open arms.”

“Not quite. He did say he would work with me if that’s what I wanted…” She runs her fingers along the edge of the dining room table as a distraction. “He said it would destroy everything…” The words almost catch in her throat, her chest constricting because Sebastian had already made choices that ensured that.  When she glances back up, Mark was watching her closely and she knows he wants to ask her more questions so she shrugs once more, forces another smile and says, “But I don’t think there’s anything left to destroy…”

He’d chosen Heidi. And fine. But then she could choose what she wants, and there would no longer be any consequences. Mark once more goes to say something and she silences with him, “I’ll tell Miles about Ferrari at the next race. And you’ll arrange a meeting?”

Mark gives a short nod. “If that’s what you want.”

“My dad told me once, that I can’t have everything that I want. And that sometimes you have to make choices,” she tells Mark as she stands up to help with the dishes.

“That’s very true,” Mark agrees.

“Yeah well, I didn’t much care for that advice at the time considering he played a part in ending a relationship I was in so I could focus on my career.” Standing at the counter she carefully places down her plate. “But he was right. Some people dream about love. Some people dream about driving in red cars… i just want a championship.” She didn’t care with which team, red, silver, blue… all of them, or just one of them. And when it came to love, it had never given her anything but left her out in the cold.

Mark moves closer. “If it means anything, helps… I think you’ll get one,” he tells her, hands dropping to her shoulders and squeezing gently. She does smile at that, and it only brightens when he adds, “Also, I really thought you deserved it last year.”

“That’s because you hate Seb -”

“Or, I just prefer you,” he corrects sliding his hands down her arms to loosely link around her back. He makes the comment lightly, but when she looks up and her eyes meet his it didn’t feel so light anymore. “Laura,” he says quietly as he steps closer, “We should talk,” he starts only to stop when Linda appears.

“Do you want some coffee or tea Laura?” she asks oblivious to their moment and at Laura stumbling away from Mark who seems unphased at being interrupted and returning the clear the dishes.

“I’m good,” she tells her hurriedly. “Maybe I should go -” And despite both of their protests she gets her things to leave. Mark walks her to her car, lecturing on driving carefully since she’d been drinking. “I will,” she promises.

Mark lingers next to her looking like he wants to say something else but desperate to avoid anymore awkward moments or emotions she was too wrecked to endure she slides into the car as he promises to catch up with her in Russia this weekend and she promises to talk to her brother. 

The one thing to come out of tonight was that on the drive home, her head wasn’t full of Sebastian. Instead it was on a tall Australian that seemed to have a habit of making it seem like everything was going to be okay.

 

*

**Author's Note:**

> As always, comments and kudos are love and make me write faster!


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